Crap Weekend

Today was a crazy lazy day. All I did was sit around and read or watch television. At least my body is relaxing, though it would be nice to have someone around to talk to. Phone calls with my sister don't count because she does all of the talking and I can't get a word in. My friends here are mostly work friends and I guess I'm not worthy to talk to outside of work (I don't really mind it though, because that is just too much drama and I don't want to be reminded of work when I'm not there).

I am dreading going to church tomorrow. I have to canter, so that means I have to introduce all of the songs and sing the psalm alone so that everyone can hear it. I don't mind the singing, it's the looks that people give me afterwards like they are surprised that I have a nice voice. (I don't take compliments well, mostly 'cause I think they are lying.) I also don't like getting involved in things that I would rather have as a tiny part of my life. Church, for me, is just one hour out of the week where I just sit and think.

Rehearsals take more time than an actual mass and everything is unorganized. The choir director is flakey and looks like a hobbit (sorry Bilbo, no offense). She's not very good at leading. Everything seems forced and I reeeeeaaallllyyyy want to quit, but i don't think I will be able to find another singing outlet. I feel like I could be doing more with my voice than just normal church stuff. Plus, it really bothers me that we don't even warm up.

Imagine waking up at 7am, you are the only one in the house. You shower, you eat breakfast, you watch television, you read. You haven't used your voice AT ALL, then you go to choir rehearsal at 11:30 and you are expected to sing and sound great sans warming up. Unh Unh! I don't think so! People look at you because you are cracking and you can't quite reach that note knowing very well that you can reach higher notes AFTER HAVING WARMED UP PROPERLY!!!!!!!!!!!

It really sucks to be alone and lonely.