There are two reasons why people tell lies. 1. To keep themselves from looking like the bad guy and 2. to spare the feelings of others. We prefer to tell lies, and we prefer to hear lies (as much as we say that we want the truth).
Your man cheated on you and you know it's true but there is a feeling inside that wants it to not be true.
The reason for all of this is because the truth hurts. I know (or knew, not sure where our friendship stands) a guy who cares a great deal about me. He was always honest with me, which was once a blessing, but now, not so much. We flirted a lot, so much so that we really regretted living so far away from each other. Either was, space could not control how fond we grew of each other. Or so I thought.
Recently I found out that as I was falling for him, he was falling for another. Well, I didn't find it out, he told me point blank, "I really love this woman". (this woman, i.e. not me). Of course, I was jealous, but I knew that I had no control over the situation and knowing the person that I am, I care more about other's feelings rather than my own, so I figured that I would hold my feelings in and just be there for him. In time he realized how I felt, I guess my facial expressions and suddenly distant attitude gave it away. So I was honest with him, and in turn, he was honest with me. He said, "Regine, I'm sorry I don't feel for you the way you'd like me to. I'm sorry I don't love you the way I love ___."
I cried like a baby for about an hour, not only because what he said hurt me, but because I knew that he sincerely meant it. I knew that he didn't say it to hurt me, but to be honest with me. At that moment, I really wished that he had said something assholish so I could, at least, dismiss him and run around calling him an asshole. So now I feel so stupid 1. for letting this happen to me AGAIN, 2. for falling for someone that I knew, with every fiber of my being, that I couldn't have and 3. for having the kind of "friendship" that we had.
I can't even hate him because he never mislead me, I can only hate myself. In the off chance that he reads this, I have to face the guilt of making him feel bad, so I just don't win. Although, this may be one guilty feeling that I will have to accept, because at least now, he'll know the truth.
Sleeve Buttons, a Gentleman’s Accessory
4 days ago