Thursday, March 26, 2009

Focus, Focus, Focus!!!


So, I decided to get back on the horse with my life. Even though I'm still a little depressed about the break up and still being at this dead-beat job, I feel that the only way to make things better is to do just that... make things better.

I can't just sit here and act all "woe is me, my life sucks, nothing good will ever happen to me". I need to be proactive.

I want to write, but I haven't been writing as much as I should.

I want to sing in front of an audience, but I'm too shy to get back into that all over again.

I want to create more art, but I've lost the inspiration.

I want to work out more and lose weight, but I get so tired and worn out before I get to the gym.

Well, no more!

I am going to finish a story!
I am going to choir rehearsal!
I'm going to let everything inspire me!
I am going to live in that gym! 60 lbs lost by December if it kills me!

I made a promise to myself and, what kind of person would I be if I lied... to myself? Normally I'm the type of person who wouldn't make promises. I know how hard they can be to be kept. People have promised me things and I've always been let down and now I am letting myself down. I don't want to do that. I want to be a reliable person and the only way that can happen is if I start with being true to myself.

I'm almost 25 years old and I'm still trying to figure things out. I don't know what kind of person I am yet. I'm still growing and learning things about myself and about the world around me. I'm still learning who to trust and who not to trust.

I'm seeing a new guy (I call him Arry) and I owe it to myself (and sort of to him) to stay enthusiastic about everything.

And so, I shall!!

Monday, March 09, 2009


I am so frustration with the male gender.

anon (5:09:08 PM): you
anon (5:09:09 PM): are so beautiful
anon (5:09:14 PM): i would be so honored to be your man

Can you believe this nonsense. This guy that I am kinda talking to says all of the right things, but I am not physically attracted to him no am I even trying to be with anyone right now. He talks a pretty good game, but sometimes he manages to come out with these randomly jerky things like.

anon (5:31:48 PM): aw okay
anon (5:31:50 PM): gimme a kiss
anon (5:31:52 PM): for shits sake
anon (5:31:53 PM):
me (5:32:04 PM): :-*
anon (5:32:17 PM): :-*bye hunny
me (5:32:23 PM): bye

Are you serious? How are you trying to court me by demanding a kiss? An online kiss for that matter, a colon, a dash and and asterisk. Makes absolutely no sense to me, but whatever floats your boat.

Anywho, I don't know what to do about this guy. He may very well be a good guy with some interesting idiosyncrasies, but I'm not perfect either. I want to give him a shot simply because I don't want to be alone forever, and I need to date more, but I don't want to feel trapped with him or hurt him in anyway. I just don't want to be alone. I'm not trying to use anyone because I wouldn't want anyone to do that to me and I don't have respect for people who take advantage of others.

I'm not a bad person and I don't want to be associated with bad people, but dang it the last time anyone looked at me romantically was in July and that was 2 days before he told me that I wasn't good enough for him. Hmm, still can't get over it, hunh? Nope, guess not.
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