Breathe In , Breathe Out

Today... was a day. Today was an interesting day. Today is a day that I would not like to repeat. I still have chills just thinking about what happened today.

I pretty much let my boss know that she shouldn't expect me to stay much longer. That's bad, right?

I don't feel right writing about this, but I will rip it off like a band aid.

I asked my boss why I hadn't had my 2 year evaluation yet and she looked at my like I was crazy. She avoided me for about an hour after that and then we had a talk in her office. Apparently I (1) should have told her sooner about my 2 years being up, (2) have been giving her an attitude lately and (3) I'm not working hard enough in the morning.
Well in my defense, I don't feel right going up to my boss and asking her for my raise just like that. I find it rude and annoying. my attitude is completely justified because I've been working there for 2 years and I never talk or ask for anything. I do everything that is asked of me and I don't go complaining every second when I'm not happy about something. As for that nonsense about not doing more in the early morning, first off, it was just today, second, that parent who complained is a jack ass and third, who the hell hires an overweight 66 year old woman who gets sick all of the time to watch children?

If I were MG or RA, those things would be overlooked because they are the golden children. They can get away with murder. Tell me why I had to help out in MG's classroom when she had less than 20 kids and there were 4 teachers in there, mind you, ration is 1 teacher to 10 kids. Maybe it's because MG wants to roam around the facility doing whatever the f*** she wants with her a$$ crack sticking out of her pants. I hope her arse crack gave a good impression to the woman who came to evaluated the classroom today.

I "shocked" my boss when I asked her if someone was going to relieve me so that I could take my break when the evaluation lady was here. According to boss lady, I said it with a really bad attitude and I shouldn't have let eval. lady hear. I don't see how volume coincides with attitude, but whatever.

The thing that sucks donkey balls is that I feel bad that I might have hurt my boss's feelings. I feel bad that even though I am totally justified, I may have hurt someone's feelings. Now I am sitting at home with all of this rage + sadness + guilt + 25 years of being the little sister (I'm watching Fred Claus and it's really hitting home), and I have no one here to take my side and make me feel better.

Anyway, I told my boss that I am feeling pressure from my family and myself about doing something with myself and leaving my job. I know that I should not have said that to her, but I couldn't help myself. I felt like I was in a therapy session talking about my feelings and I teared up, a little. Even though I feel bad about this (which I really shouldn't) I know that this was a long time coming and I never should have taken that job in the first damn place.

At least I'm finally getting my f***ing raise.