Friday, April 30, 2010

The easy life

I think that we all know how easy it is to get stuck in a routine. Well right now, my routine is: get up, go on computer, stay on computer, watch tv and go to sleep. I am trying very hard to get out of that routine and it is even harder when I don't have someone who is in my corner in close proximity to me.

I've been applying for jobs in New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania and even Silver Spring, Maryland. I am slowly incorporating job hunting into my routine. I have a dream for myself but I know that right now is bill paying time. Although I want a job to help me stay financially stable, I also want something that will be fulfilling and beneficial to my career path. If I just wanted the money, I would have stayed where I was and dealt with being under payed and managed getting by.

I have to admit that I was very stupid when it came to quitting my job. I hadn't really planned on it, but I knew in my heart that was what I wanted to do. My dream is to take New York City by storm, but I have many years to do that (God willing). I understand that right now is meant for getting stable and secure so I gave in and decided to do that. I used to be this wide-eyed young girl who believed that it was important to follow one's dreams and live everyday like it's my last. Well, I still believe that it is important to live everyday like it's my last, but I also know that it is important to make this place livable in case today isn't my last day.

Now that my bank account is practically empty and there is no one else begging me to visit them, I have a lot of pressure and time to make this happen. Yesterday, I got a call from an insurance company and they want me to come in for an interview. Even though that is not what I want to do with my life, I am looking forward to this interview and the possibility of getting this job because there are so many things that I still need to learn. I am sure that this opportunity was put in my clutches for a reason and I am going to do my damnedest not to blow it.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Going back

I guess there is a reason why the weather is so gloomy today. At 1:30 pm today, I will be on a bus back to New Jersey and I really don't want to go. I have nothing to go to there. My mother made it clear how she felt about my presence. So I'm not looking forward to being back there. I'm making it my mission to be on top of my job hunt and hopefully it will take me out of New Jersey. I'm also going to be submitting my writing to certain places. I can't have any distractions anymore so who knows how often I'm going to be writing in here.

It's got to be everyday, but who knows.

I think I'm finally done running away from stuff and I am ready to get down to business. It's a really hard and scary thing knowing that you can run away as much as you want, but the real world is still out there waiting for you. The real world hasn't paused, so when you get back, it's going to be harder to deal with. you guys will probably read a lot more self deprecating posts before it gets better because I know exactly what I'm going to have to be facing when I get back.

!. Crazy mother
@. ridiculously unfruitful job market
#. living at home with the parents
$. bills that I CAN'T pay
%. The inability to go out and have fun with friends
^. Knowing that everyone I know is doing better than I am
&. The possibility that I might suck at writing and no one will publish me
*. Knowing that I'll probably never date again
(. I probably won't find a job before my 26th bday
). I'll be too stressed out to effectively continue losing weight

So much to worry about, which means I have to push it harder than I've ever done before.

This sucks!!!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Life's weird surprises

I'm going to be random today and if you have an issue with that then forget you.

I saw Kick Ass the other day and it was friggin awesome. Kids cursing in front of their parents. Little girls that kill. Nicholas Cage doing the Adam West voice. Hottie teen in a green super hero suit. Nerds get the girl. Oh I love it, I love it. I was sad to find out this morning that Aaron Johnson, the guy who plays Dave/Kick Ass, is 19 years old, engaged to a 40 something year old woman and going to be a dad soon. What kind of hot ghetto mess is that? The kid's British and I know that they do things a bit differently but, SERIOUSLY? I want to know what was going on in that woman's mind when she said "Yeah, I pull some Mary Kay Laturneau shit and marry this 19 year old BOY". Dude's voice was cracking in the movie; she must have found that to be a turn on. I know that "age ain't nothin' but a number", but DAMN! Let the boys balls drop before you turn him into a daddy.

I'm in silver Spring, Maryland right now. It's kinda hot right now but that's ok because it is a lovely day. I'm spending time with my sister even though it feels more like house-sitting. I don't feel like I'm doing anything productive. I'm just sitting here, watching television and trying to fit a good work out in here and there.

I finished reading Will Grayson, Will Grayson last night and that book was a breath of fresh air. I was able to relate to a couple of the characters, mostly both Will Graysons. Even though they were distinctly different, they had so much in common and they had the same lesson to learn. They both learned how to love and appreciate the people in their lives. It's both strange and wonderful how the ones that they learn to love and appreciate happen to be the same person. A young man named Tiny Cooper who is large, strong and fabulously gay. Tiny teaches the Will from the odd chapters how to care and speak up. Tiny teaches Will from the even chapters that life is worth living and it's ok to feel things. I think that everyone needs a Tiny Cooper in their lives to make it fun, interesting and fabulous. If you haven't gotten the book yet, get it NOW!! It's co-written by John Green (NY times best-selling author and Printz Award winner) and David Levithan (co-author of Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist).

This weeks episode of GLee was awesome. I loved every second of it. It was the Madonna episode and it could not have been done any better. The "Open your heart to me" duet between Rachel and Finn was very sweet. The girls' rendition of "Express yourself" was sexy and well costumed. Sue Sylvester's "Vogue" was funny, sexy and very accurate. The Cheerleaders doing "4 minutes" was fun and awesomely choreographed. The boys doing "Do you know what it feels like for a girl" (not sure on the actual title of the song) was very sweet and sincere. The SEX-tet doing "Like a virgin" was really cool (I really wanted Emma and Will to go for it). I'm glad that Rachel didn't and SHAME ON FINN!!! It was really cute how the girls were all wearing the same color and the style matched their level of "sexpertise". The "Like a Prayer" finale was really great and uplifting. I enjoy this show (as a whole) very much and I hope that it stays on for a very long time.

I watched Fringe last night and Peter finally found out that he is from the "other side". Poor Walter!!! I feel for him because he just wanted to save his son's life and have him back. Hopefully he will get the chance to explain that to Peter and there will be some forgiveness. He DID save his life after all. I just want Olivia and Peter to finally hook up. There is so much going on between them and it is obvious that they want to, so fingers crossed.

Friday, April 16, 2010


I am so upset right now that I can't eat. My hands are shaking and my body aches. I don't want to move for fear of hurting someone. I'm sure that you can guess who the villain of my day is. My day started off bad because of this person. Then I had a very good afternoon. Now my evening is ruined because of this person.

I can not wait for tomorrow to come. I'll be in Maryland with my sister and I might have an adventure. Who knows what's in store for me there, but I know that I can't be in New Jersey with my parents anymore. I could at least go back to Easton and get some stupid receptionist job in some stupid office and continue making $8/hr like before.

I am just so tired. Drained like the people in last night's episode of Fringe.

Thursday, April 15, 2010


I'm going to Silver Spring, Maryland on Saturday to visit my sister. I really need to get out of this house!!! My funds are running ridiculously low and I'm really trying to fix that situation even though my heart isn't in it. When I'm under the same roof with my parents, I don't feel like the 25 year old that I am. I feel like a 12 year old. I feel like I had more freedom when I was in boarding school. I wasn't exactly on my own, but I was able to think independently and creatively.

Now that I'm not working, I'm trying harder that ever to think independently and creatively, but I don't have the safety that I once had with high school and college. So now I am scared out of my mind. Right now, my excuse is that my mother is home because of her surgery and she needed me to help her around the house. She goes back to work on Monday so what will my excuse be then?

Well I'm going to be visiting my sister next week and that can help me with my procrastination a little bit longer, but bills and worn out clothes are weighing on me and sooner or later, I am going to have to face them.

Adulthood- My biggest fear

I'm still in the transition period where I'm trying to "find myself" but I have to be mature about it. Almost everyone I know is either engaged, married or married with children. I know that I'm not ready for that so I'm not jealous of those specific things. The thing that I am jealous and worried about is that everyone I know is getting on with their lives, and I feel stuck in one place just observing.

Well. Don't complain about it; do something!

I know, but that is easier said than done. I hope my sister can shake some sense into me because I am starting to feel hopeless.

You might have noticed that my last couple of posts have been Amazon-centric and that is because I am hoping that it might provide me with some funds. I don't exactly have much of an audience, so who knows if it will do any good anyway.

If you saw the 7x9 room with a water damaged wall that I have to sleep in, you would understand why I am so low.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


So I watched GLee last night and I was just so amazed by it. I watched it with my mom and she didn't get it at all. The lovely Idina Menzel was on as the evil "coach" of the opposing group "Vocal Adrenaline". Seeing Idina and Lea on the same screen together was crazy because they look so much alike. I was in awe of the both of them. The cuteness that Will and Emma was awesome and it mirrors that of Rachel and Finn. Both couples have the same exact drama. They finally found their romantic counterparts and yet there is still something keeping apart. Oh well. I loved last night's episode. There was a bit of overacting on everyone's part, but that is what makes the show. Why does Mercedes, the token black girl, always have to be little miss sassy pants?

Sue's "Vogue" video was the most awesome and hilarious thing I've seen on television. I loved every second of it. Congrats to actress Jane Lynch for pulling that off and actually looking sexy and workin' it. Can't wait for next week's episode. Now I have to wait for tonight's finale of Ugly Betty. *sigh*

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Gary Go- Wonderful

I wanted to give a shout out to this song and the band Gary Go because they are "Wonderful" lol. I like this son so much, I decided to sing it a capella but I'm afraid it doesn't do them justice. You might just want to buy their single.

and this is what it is supposed to sound like.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

A shout out to John and David

This is a book by a "friend" named John Green and his friend David Lavithan. I've read almost all of John's books and I have been amazed every time. I know that this one will not disappoint. Pick it up today or order it here on

Here is a video of John reading a small part of the book. See if you like it.

Friday, April 02, 2010

Be Brave, Rey! Be Brave!

These are my musical inspirations. Yes, I can sing them and sing them well!! Enjoy



This quotation has been following me all week: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results."

I pride myself on being an intelligent woman, but when it comes to matters of the heart, I am a fool! I don't want to offend anyone so I am not going to go into specifics, but I am getting sick of being stuck in friend mode. I think it's stamped on my forehead, "befriend me and find the love of your life." I feel like Good Luck Chuck where the girls were lining up to sleep with this guy because they believed that it would help them find their future husband.

A gray cloud is hovering above me right now and I don't like it.

I just need to pluck up some courage and set my new plan in to motion. Hopefully, the stars will align and work some special mojo just for me. I have a voice and I'm going to use it somehow.
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