Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Oh The Terror

I may have mentioned this before, but recent events have brought this back to the surface.  I am absolutely terrified of being an adult and doing adult things like maintaining a marriage and raising children.  I know I'm supposed to be fruitful and multiply and all that nonsense.  I'm 26 years old and time is ticking. A couple of weeks ago, I visited two very good friends of mine from high school, one is married and pregnant and the other is engaged to be married.  Sometimes I think about how it would be to be in their shoes but then I get this feeling in my stomach that makes me think, "Oh God, NO!! I'm not ready! I don't wanna!"

It really annoys me when poeple tell me that they always thought that I would be the first to get married. Then they ask me why I am still single. I know why I'm still single.  I'm still single because I made it so.

Here are the ways that I have sabotaged myself and kept myself single:

Appearance/Weight:  My warped brain believes that if I were to get thinner, I would be able to attract guys. I exercise enough to stay healthy but not enough to be thin, which results in my "keeping the guys away".  I hate wearing makeup and I am convinced that I am too tall to wear heals. I prefer to dress comfortably.  I know that men fall in "love" with the way their manhoods respond to the message their eyes send to their brains and something in me won't let me be a part of that.

Crushes: I develop crushes on guys that I know are waaaaayyyyyy out of my league so I know for a fact that I won't have to deal with the possibility of marriage.  Plus, my standards are extremely high--the guy that fits all of my criteria does not exist.

Dwelling: I live with my parents. It helps me save money, but it also prevents me from having a romantic relationship.

Friends: I make friends with girls who look a billion times better than I do so I will always be the wing girl and never the target.

Social Life: I don't go anywhere and when I do, I make sure that I either don't have fun or make myself totally unapproachable.

Observations: I have yet to see a happy married couple (that have been married for a significant amount of time).

Does anyone know how to cure me of this?

Thursday, October 07, 2010

The Power of Sharing and The Power of a Belt

I would like to talk about two things today.

First I would like to admit that I was very very wrong about something.  In an earlier post I talked about how I thought it would be better to keep things to myself. You know, plans, goals, that sort of stuff.  I learned recently that it is better to share. Apparently sharing isn't just for children anymore. My qualm with sharing was that I thought that once I shared things with people, they would should all over me and my ideas.  I thought that once people put their two cents in, what I wanted for myself would become skewed and completely not mine.

Well, now I know that people can should anytime they like because the moment I open my mouth and declare to the world that I have a plan, that plan becomes real and it becomes mine.  Well here is something that I would like to share with my readers. I'M CHUBBY!!! I'm the biggest one in my family but I'm also the healthiest. I came up with a plan to get to a healthier weight. I printed out calendars and started to write down my meals and my exercise routine.  I'm learning about commitments and keeping them rather than looking at them as burdens.  I feel like I'm back in school.  I enjoy learning new things and applying them to my life.  In school, I didn't do so great with sciences because I knew that my future would have nothing to do with it.  History was another hard one for me, but when I was a senior in high school, my teacher let us use our cretivity to learn and that is why I did better.  I'm a creative person and sitting around memorizing stuff doesn't interest me unless it comes with a lead role in a show and the result is a standing ovation.  So now, I'm learning about life and how to live it and I am applying what I'm learning to the things that I want in my life.

The second thing that I wanted to share with you has to do with my pet peeve.  You all know how disgusted I am by guys who wear their pants below their bums.  Well recently I have been seeing young women doing the same thing.  I understand that these women, whether they are lesbians or tomboys, want to get in touch with their masculine sides but do they really have to stoop to the literal and figurative lowness of "ghetto" men's wear?  Nowaday's I can barely tell if the person I see walking down the street is a chick or a dude, and here I am feeling like a pervert because I looking hard for signs of boobs or a package. 

Although I'm disgusted by this skewed idea of fashion, I am also a little concerned for these girls because who knows what kind of people there are out there.  Anyone can see you walking and think, "Ooh, look at that ass, let me take her somewhere and tap that".  People should be able to walk in public completely nude with 100% confidence that no one will take advantage of them, but that certainly isn't the case. We pick out the clothes we wear for a reason.You can't walk into a bar with stilettos, daisy dukes and a bra and expect everyone there to call you "Miss".  Whether you're a dude or a chick, masculine or feminine, (I don't care) be who you are; express yourself, but make sure you do it with pride, self-respect and a belt.

Tuesday, October 05, 2010


I am currently reading A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf and it is making me think about how I am functioning as a woman. Women in history have struggled to make a name for themselves and to make this world a place where women are seen as vital members of society. If Harriet Tubman, Jane Austen, Virginia Woolf and Rosa Parks saw me today, they would be so disappointed. I have the world at my finger tips.  I literally CAN have have everything that I want and it is because of them that I have that.  I am a free Haitian-American woman LIVING in the 21st century. I speak 3 languages well and I am learning a 4th. I have a WICKED AWESOME singing voice. I'm educated, strong and super funny so what is keeping me from realizing my dreams and the hopes of my female predecessors?

When we were little girls, we read or heard stories that started with "Once upon a time" and ended with "...and they lived happily ever after".  Many of these stories involve a young girl (most likely a princess) who is unhappy with her circumstances. She suffers and suffers until finally, a miracle happens. She meets a young man (most likely a prince or a knight) and she is saved. It has been engraved in our heads since childhood that we basically have to wait to have the things that we want until after we find our guy. Who the heck made up that rule? *cough* men *cough*

I grew up thinking that everything would be fine as soon as I found my "true love".  Pop culture made love look so beautiful. Everyday is a spring day when you are in love. The two of you will always walk hand in hand wherever you go.  Every time you kiss, the two of you will start spinning around slowly and in the background, there will be a beautiful display of fireworks.  That is what I wanted (still want).  I wanted to experience that magic that happens when two people meet.

I met guys. I liked him but he didn't like me.  He liked me but I didn't like him. We liked each other but we were too far apart. That is when I learned that I can't wait for just any guy, I have to wait for THE guy. THE ONE!! The magical one. I wanted my special ONE to be more than any old bloke so I made the list.  Tall, dark hair, light eyes, educated, creative, loving, blah blah blah. I prayed on it; I meditated. I stood in front of a statue of St. Anthony and said "find this man, now".  My prayers were answered.  St. Anthony delivered a beautiful young man who was practically perfect.  He smelled good, he dressed nicely, he had a masters degree.  We liked the same things and his eyes were the most beautiful honey colored with bits of green.  We held hands everywhere we went and everyday was Spring.  Then one night, I did the most horrific thing a girl in my position could do.  I got down on my knees and prayed.  "If this guy isn't the one, take him out of my life."  Two weeks later, he was out of my life.

As happy as I was with this guy, I was so obsessed with having the ONE that I completely deprived myself of having good experiences with this guy.  This happened 2 years ago and I still think about what an idiot I was (am). 

For the last 2 years I've been wanting to get back out there and try again, but I've been scared that I would never find a guy as great as he was.  No one seemed good enough or accessible enough.  I stopped trying. Now, everyone I know is getting married, having children and moving on to great careers.  Stupid me is thinking, "If you didn't let him go, you would be happy too."  New and improved light shining me is thinking, "Be happy for those people and be the radiant woman that you know you are."  The here and now me doesn't know what to think. 

I still want my happily ever after because I deserve it; I just have to do a little more than wishing and praying. I have to go out there and be Radiant Regine.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

This really bugs me

I think you all know what one of my biggest pet peeves is. Sagging pants!!! It's not cute; it's not sexy. I don't want to see your ass. I already know what day it is so your underpants don't need to remind me.

This is the wrong way to wear your pants!!!

This is the correct way to wear your pants.

That is all.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Blah blah blah

Today is such a blahdy blah blah day. I'm sitting at work right now wishing I had something to do. I guess it's nice to get paid for doing nothing, but it just doesn't feel right. I played a bunch of word games and sudoku. I watched Sunday's episode of True Blood. I hardly spoke to anyone all day. I went on Facebook several times. I should probably stop going on Facebook because it just leaves me depressed every time I sign out. It's like a reminder that everyone else's life is better than mine.

I'm not even in the mood to write anymore. The blah-ness has entered my body and it's immobilizing my fingers.

Friday, August 06, 2010

At the Bus Stop

It's been a while since I mentioned interesting things that I've witnessed on the bus or at the bus stop. I've compiled a small list of the most memorable things.

1. At the bust stop I saw a teenage boy walking with his pants sagging. NOt only were the pants low, but they were at mid-thigh. Dude was trying to walk (waddle) over to his friends when his pants fell down. I laughed. The people at the bus stop with me were laughing and best of all, his friends were laughing.

2. At the bus stop, my bus finally came and it was letting people off. There was a bigl ine of people trying to get on. I guess sometimes people are so focussed on getting to the bus that they don't realize how close they are to it. The back doors of the bus opened to let people off and a woman was in the way and got hit. Poor thing almost got knocked down, but she bumped into someone who started cussing at her. "What's wrong with you. Don't you see me standing here, you stupid effing Mexican?" I got so mad, I felt it in my chest and I told the cusser that the poor woman almost got knocked down and it was an accident, blah blah blah. Chick was looking at me cock-eyed so I stood my ground. I was seconds away from calling her the b word, but that would have made things worse.

3. On the bus, there was this dude sitting in front of me who was about to get off. When he stood up, I could see his underwear. His ass was right at my eye level and I was utterly grossed out. Furthermore, I could smell the nastiness that was goin on in his pants. His undies were brown for a reason.

4. On the bus there was a cute little family, mom, dad and little boy sitting near me. The little boy was sooooo cute and what made him cuter was he noticed that his mom was in a fowl mood and he was making faces at her to make her laugh. The cutest thing.

5. On the bus, there was this woman who was sleeping in her seat near me. She got up to get off the bus and a piece of gum rolled off of her belly. At the time, I thought it was a tiny ball of paper. There was this girl sitting behind me and she was really annoying. She, along with some other people were ready to get off at the next stop. Just about everyone stepped on the piece of gum and the gum remained in tact on the floor. The annoying girl, however, stepped on it and it got stuck on the hem of her pant leg. Karma!

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Reading is fun, for real

I've been reading again! As an (unpublished) author, I know that If I want to write well, I have to read well-written books. So far this summer I've read "The Awakening" by Kate Chopin which was amazing and "The Catcher in the Rye" by J.D. Salinger. I had read "Catcher" when I was younger and I understood the gist of it. "Holden doesn't like phonies and he is kinda afraid to grow up (or at least that was the feeling I got from it)." Now, I'm reading "Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley. So far it is really weird and the 15 year old me remembers it being just as weird when I read it all those years ago. Before I started rereading it, the only thing I remembered was a bunch of kids wearing Khaki in a place that was totally separate from the outside world.

Now that I am revisiting it, I see that my memory is a very interesting thing. I remember things visually. I haven't seen a movie of either "BNW" or "Catcher" but I have specific visions when I think of these books. It was my first time reading "The Awakening" so if you have read it, you might have an idea of what the vision that is stuck in my head for that book looks like. (was that an awkward sentence? sorry)

I love rereading books. For some of them I don't remember a thing and for others, I like so see how years of absence have skewed my memory. It's fun to fill in the gaps and make new memories.

Next on my list is "The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald. This would be another reread and I've seen the film for it as well. Robert Redford was a perfect Jay Gatsby. The film itself, but it was watchable. Speaking of film adaptations, I remember when I was in the 6th grade and I saw a copy of "Sense and Sensibility" by Jane Austen sitting on the counter next to the sink in the classroom. (how's that for prepositional phrases?) I literally judged the book by its cover and decided that it would be boring and I would never read it. Years later, I was visiting a friend in Atlantic City. She was working so I was alone at her place, bored out of my mind. I saw that the movie "Sense and Sensibility" (screenplay by Emma Thompson) was on demand and I figured I'd watch it. Those of you who have read my earlier entries will know how much I LOVED that movie. After having seen it, I decided to read every single Jane Austen novel because I knew that there was more in that story that the movie left out.

When it comes to more classical books, I know that there will be several film adaptations and I WANT TO SEE ALL OF THEM. I must be going all over the place right now. I wasn't really organized when I decided to write this. Either way, it's been a long time since I wrote something in here.

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Better days have finally come

This post is brought to you by The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho which is about a man who must have been a Journey fan because he didn't stop believing.

I have some new for you guys that has been a long time coming. I finally have a job!!! I've been working here for about 2 1/2 weeks and I am loving it so far. I don't want to say the name of the company, but it deals with architecture and design. The people are really nice and I already have an office crush.

I am the executive assistant to the company president and most of the time he isn't around, so a lot of the time I just hang around waiting for people to give me work to do. Of course, I'm not dumb enough to look like I'm bored. I know how to keep myself busy with more entertaining things.

I've decided to start writing a new thing in my blogs about my experiences at the bus stops because you know weird stuff likes to go down there.

Tuesday at the Bus stop: I was waiting for my bus to go home when a man decided to ask me questions about my personal life. He wasn't at all atractive and he had a little boy with him who was very chubby and dragging along a red scooter. The man starting mumbling in my direction and I happened to catch him. Where I went wrong was asking him if he was speaking to me. He asked me if I was married, to which I replied "No." Then he asked me if I was in a relationship, did I have a boyfriend and I answered him the same way. I asked him why he was asking me these things and he said, "you are an attractive woman and I want to have a conversation with you." He proceeded to ask me if I lived around here (Downtown Newark). For some reason, I answered him truthfully and luckily, within seconds, my bus came and I jumped on it as quickly as I could. I could hear the man say in the background, "I hope I see you around" to which I replied," yeah, uh huh".

Wednesday at the bus stop: I don't know whether to call this story ridiculously ghetto of exceptionally inspiring. I saw an older woman in a wheelchair who was fairly pretty, but you could tell that she may have been in an accident. Her arms and legs were burned and she could barely move. Her hair was done very nicely, long loose curls most likely a weave (not judging, just observing). She was wearing a pretty yellow dress with a white cardigan and pair of shiny, pointed toe, high healed shoes. The Negative Nancy in me was thinking, "where the hell does she think she's going in them heals?" Then reason and sensitivity came over me and made me think, "She probably wants to keep her confidence high by making sure she is dressed nicely." She reminded me a little of Claire Huxtable when she hurt her foot before she had to go to some fancy shindig and went wearing a lovely outfit and walked with a cane. Go 'head girl!!!

Monday, June 07, 2010


Oh, to be a young woman in a home where you feel like you don't belong. To be around people who have so much going for them and you and nothing. You are forced to be humble and kinds and ladylike when everyone around you can be snobby and brag about everything that they have.

Whether it is something as simple as a job or something big like an engagement, there will always be something floating over your head making you feel jealous. People are advancing in their lives and you feel stagnant. This one's getting married; that one's having a baby. This one just got a promotion; that one just graduated. You're happy for these people, but then there is something in the pit of your stomach that is aching to have their success.

You know that you are not ready for marriage or kids and you might not want to go back to school, but there is that sense of accomplishment that is lacking in your life. If only we could all be like Fanny Price in Mansfield Park and just be happy for these people and continue to live our lives. Take our parents' criticism with a grain of salt and continue being true to ourselves.

We all know that jealousy gets us nowhere and yet every time someone does something awesome, we become green-eyed monsters. This is advice that I should be the first person in line to receive: If you want something, go for it. Use your jealousy to inspire you to do something great rather than sit around and mope.

Go and get yours!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The ignored rantings of an unemployed nobody

I'm tired. I have no energy. Trying has become a chore; one that has become too difficult and too exhausting to attempt. Today, I've given up. I don't remember the things that I want in life. I don't remember what it feels like to have a passion for something. I've stopped being.

My understanding of the verb to be isn't just to live or to exist but to fulfill a purpose. To act out a deep passion. We all have wishes and dreams and there is a reason why we have them. We all have a mission and being helps us to fulfill that mission.

Right now, I feel like I haven't been assigned a mission and I am just waiting for one. A couple of hours ago, I was thinking about graduate school. I actually got excited about it for a moment. I was looking at a few schools and their requirements. As I was looking, my mentality went from "I can do it" to "I can't do this. They will never accept me".

I have sent out so many resumes and I haven't received one call from those places. At first I thought that maybe it was because the Universe had another plan for me and those mediocre jobs were irrelevant, but now I feel like I suck and they find me unworthy like most of the people who were once in my life and weaseled their way out.

I once thought that I was a humble person, but now I see that I lack the ability to say anything positive about myself. I hear negative things everyday and I believe them. This is why I make a lot of friends online. It's easy to fake self-esteem in words. They don't have to see my face.

This would be so much easier to deal with if I had a therapist. That way, I would at least have someone who would listen, but I don't have insurance and I turn 26 very soon so even if I had it under my parents, it would go away soon anyway. I can't talk to my parents or my sister because they aren't very good listeners and they like to say "should" a lot. I don't need someone to tell me what to do. I need someone who can help me figure things out.

Normally, I don't like asking for help because I am determined to do at least one thing for myself. Unfortunately, I have no follow-through. I have no guts, no drive, no passion. I can't remember the last time I was happy about something I did. I'm starving for any sort of positive attention that I could possibly get. I can't wait for this weekend because I am going to Montreal to visit family. I am sure that someone there will give me some positive energy so that I can come back to this house and start over.

I wish it was possible to sweat out all of the negative feelings that a person has about herself. I'd be a hundred pound lighter and a hundred pounds happier. When I sit and think for a long time. I strip away all of the things that piss me off. I think about the one thing in the world I could do for myself that would bring some happiness. Every time I do this, I come to the same conclusion. NO matter how much I like to write and create art, I know that deep down in my heart of hearts I want to sing. That is the ONLY thing that makes me feel better. I feel like that is the only thing that I can do right. I need to get back in to doing that again. Last month I posted a couple of videos of me singing on YouTube; I should keep doing that. I can at least get excited about something again.

I am seriously hoping that Harold Camping is right about next year because I am tired of this nonsense and I want it all to go away.

Bad dreams bad dreams go away. Good dreams good dreams here to stay.
Bad dreams bad dreams go away. Good dreams good dreams here to stay.
Bad dreams bad dreams go away. Good dreams good dreams here to stay.
You have to say it three times for it to work.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Very short update

I'm actually doing better now. In the job hunting department, anyway. I'm working out, writing and singing. Mostly, I'm trying not to go crazy. I'm trying to hold on for this weekend because we are going to Montreal to visit family for the long weekend. We are going to be celebrating my grandmother's 90th birthday even though that happened 3 months ago, but I guess it is never too late to celebrate.

I've been staying open-minded for my mother, but of course she remains to be her usual close-minded self. My poor father is trying very hard to be nice to me and I feel like I'm still being a b!%@# to him. Yesterday, he offered to buy me a new bedroom set (with money he doesn't have) and I just kinda brushed him off because Mom was being all "Don't buy anything for her, when she gets her money, she will buy her stuff herself." Then last night he was just trying to be a good father and I flipped out on him a little because he patted me on the head and we all know that I don't like to be touched especially when it makes me feel like a child. I would have let it slide if he and my mother weren't sort of ganging up on me about something stupid and telling me stuff that I already know.

Today, I decided to be a good girl and do some cleaning and be productive, but I doubt that will get me anywhere with the folks. I need a therapist, do you guys know a good free one?

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Today on Oprah

Best selling author, Geneen Roth was a guest on Oprah today. She was there to talk about her book "Women Food and God" and how it can help you with your weight loss. She explained how dieting leads to self loathing and a lack of self worth. This makes a lot of sense because when you think about dieting, you think about denying yourself of the things that you like. A diet can be seen as a punishment for letting yourself go.

She also explained that when you eat when you aren't hungry, you are not allowing yourself to feel. Normally, you eat to fix feeling hungry, and you stop eating when you are satisfied. When you aren't hungry, you are something else. You are happy, sad, tired, bored, angry, whatever. These feelings are overwhelming at times and you want to feel satisfied. The easiest way to satisfy yourself is to eat something.

There is some goal in or lives that we wish we could achieve, but we aren't sure what it is yet. All we know about this goal is that it makes us feel good and satisfied with our lives. This good feeling is what Roth is interpreting as "God". Whether you call it God or not, it is ultimately this greater state of being that we wish we could have. Believing that there may not be a chance to reach this "greater state of being" we become overwhelmed and anxious. We don't like these feelings so we turn to food.

Oprah got emotional when she told her audience that she still feels anxiety when it comes to the possibility of disappointing people. She filled us in on how she was whipped as a child and wasn't allowed to feel what she was feeling after the whipping. (I've been there) She was told to take the beating, wipe the tears from her face and don't remind her elder that she was just beaten. I know that a lot of people have gone through this and many of her audience members were getting emotional. Because of this memory residing in her, Oprah, now, feels the need to stay in people's good graces. She feels that she will be punished somehow if she doesn't. To deal with that fear, she turned to food. She realized that she was still listening to the child inside of her. Now she knows, like the rest of us, that she is old enough to take care of herself.

Two former guests came back to the show to give an update on themselves. They were two women who were very good friends and perhaps cousin as well. The first time they were on the show, they talked about how one of them had lost so much weight and how the other one was jealous of that. They didn't see each other for 6 years after because they were ashamed. Today, the one who lost all of the weight gained it back and the other one feels a little bit better because she has her friend back. The two women learned that the one was jealous of the other, not because of the success of the other but because of her own failure.

When people aren't happy for you when you succeed, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. They are insecure and are taking it out on you. This is the part where they talk about a chapter in the book called "Reteaching Loveliness". We have to believe that we were put on this world for more than just trying to lose weight. When we diet, we tell ourselves that we are fat, ugly, unworthy. "Self loathing doesn't lead to change." If we want to see a change in ourselves, we have to look at ourselves differently. We have to stop looking at the things that we hate about ourselves and look deeper. When we look deep into our souls, do we like what we see? When critiquing ourselves, we have to be as kind to ourselves as we would be if we were talking to children. You would never tell a child who feels fat that she has a big tummy and jiggly thighs.

We have to change our beliefs and realize that food doesn't work when it comes to fixing our spirits. Yes, you are good enough. Yes, you are lovable. Don't let food numb you.

These were a few tips that were given at the end of the show:
Eat when you're hungry.
Eat sitting down. (not in a car)
Eat till you are satisfied.
Eat what your body wants.
Eat with enjoyment.

This show helped me realize some things about myself and why I like food a little more than I should.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Gentlemen/ A letter

I was taking a walk to South Orange today when a couple of thoughts came to me. Where have all the gentlemen gone and why is there such a significant difference between Newark and South Orange?

While I was walking, I noticed that I am more of a gentleman than the men in my neighborhood. When I walk and I see someone walking in my direction, I move over a bit so that person can have room on the sidewalk. Now, when I move to one side, I expect the other person to move over on the other side so that we both can have the same amount of space to walk by. I walked by an older woman, I moved- she moved. I walked by two women walking together, I moved-they moved. I walked by a man, I moved- he stayed and almost bumped into me. Seriously, Dude? You're not going to extend the courtesy of moving over an inch so that I can walk by without having to side-step my way past you?


I have walked past men who spit right in front of me. They do cat calls, they scratch, they stare. They just have no respect.

Talking about no respect. I noticed that S.O is so much cleaner than Newark is and that is mostly because people have no respect for this place that was once such a great city. In my school days, I was always going over to my friends' houses because none of them wanted to come to Newark. This place has a bad rep and people think the worst. It came to a point where I didn't want to tell people I went to school with that I live in Newark. I don't want to be ashamed of where I'm from because some idiots don't know how to be civil. Here is what I have to say:

A Letter from one Newark Resident to another:

Dear Res,
Newark is your home. Treasure it. Love it. Would you invite someone to your home when you know that you don't keep it clean? Do you want people to point to your home and say "That is the lace where the dirty people/stupid people/violent people/crazy people live"? I don't think so.

Clean your home. Take pride in your home. Take advantage of all the wonderful things that you home has to offer. There's life here. There's art here. There's culture here. There's education here. There's hope here. You're here. Turn Newark into a place in which you would be proud to live.

Your Neighbor,

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Job hunting on Craigslist may seem like a very convenient place to find things like jobs, collectible action figures, and romantic encounters. It is, but it's important to be careful with what you find.

Along with any other website that has you exchanging you information with total strangers, it is a major risk and you have to learn how to sort out the phonies with the credible ones.

In my case, I'm looking for a job and there are tons of opportunities that are posted. Many of them seem promising, and the others seem odd. Whether they are legitimate opportunities or not, a lot of these postings lack so much important information.

When I look at a posting I expect to see:
Company Name and history
Position title and duties
Location (full address)
Salary info
Requirements for the job
Contact information

Unfortunately, many of these posts only give you the position name, requirements and maybe salary information. I've literally seem:

"Livingston office looking for Administrative Assistant. Must be Microsoft Office proficient. Must have a friendly demeanor and the ability to milti-task."

What the hell kind of job posting is that?

We, as job seekers, are taking a big risk by giving these invisible job providers our information. In no way am I trashing Craigslist. I know many people who have found great opportunities through the website. I just want to put it out there that the website is one of those things where you need to proceed with caution. Be optimistic, but don't put all of your eggs in one basket. We are intelligent people and it really sucks to get screwed over especially when we are trying to maintain hope in this seemingly hopeless job market.

Stay positive and optimistic.

Friday, April 30, 2010

The easy life

I think that we all know how easy it is to get stuck in a routine. Well right now, my routine is: get up, go on computer, stay on computer, watch tv and go to sleep. I am trying very hard to get out of that routine and it is even harder when I don't have someone who is in my corner in close proximity to me.

I've been applying for jobs in New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania and even Silver Spring, Maryland. I am slowly incorporating job hunting into my routine. I have a dream for myself but I know that right now is bill paying time. Although I want a job to help me stay financially stable, I also want something that will be fulfilling and beneficial to my career path. If I just wanted the money, I would have stayed where I was and dealt with being under payed and managed getting by.

I have to admit that I was very stupid when it came to quitting my job. I hadn't really planned on it, but I knew in my heart that was what I wanted to do. My dream is to take New York City by storm, but I have many years to do that (God willing). I understand that right now is meant for getting stable and secure so I gave in and decided to do that. I used to be this wide-eyed young girl who believed that it was important to follow one's dreams and live everyday like it's my last. Well, I still believe that it is important to live everyday like it's my last, but I also know that it is important to make this place livable in case today isn't my last day.

Now that my bank account is practically empty and there is no one else begging me to visit them, I have a lot of pressure and time to make this happen. Yesterday, I got a call from an insurance company and they want me to come in for an interview. Even though that is not what I want to do with my life, I am looking forward to this interview and the possibility of getting this job because there are so many things that I still need to learn. I am sure that this opportunity was put in my clutches for a reason and I am going to do my damnedest not to blow it.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Going back

I guess there is a reason why the weather is so gloomy today. At 1:30 pm today, I will be on a bus back to New Jersey and I really don't want to go. I have nothing to go to there. My mother made it clear how she felt about my presence. So I'm not looking forward to being back there. I'm making it my mission to be on top of my job hunt and hopefully it will take me out of New Jersey. I'm also going to be submitting my writing to certain places. I can't have any distractions anymore so who knows how often I'm going to be writing in here.

It's got to be everyday, but who knows.

I think I'm finally done running away from stuff and I am ready to get down to business. It's a really hard and scary thing knowing that you can run away as much as you want, but the real world is still out there waiting for you. The real world hasn't paused, so when you get back, it's going to be harder to deal with. you guys will probably read a lot more self deprecating posts before it gets better because I know exactly what I'm going to have to be facing when I get back.

!. Crazy mother
@. ridiculously unfruitful job market
#. living at home with the parents
$. bills that I CAN'T pay
%. The inability to go out and have fun with friends
^. Knowing that everyone I know is doing better than I am
&. The possibility that I might suck at writing and no one will publish me
*. Knowing that I'll probably never date again
(. I probably won't find a job before my 26th bday
). I'll be too stressed out to effectively continue losing weight

So much to worry about, which means I have to push it harder than I've ever done before.

This sucks!!!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Life's weird surprises

I'm going to be random today and if you have an issue with that then forget you.

I saw Kick Ass the other day and it was friggin awesome. Kids cursing in front of their parents. Little girls that kill. Nicholas Cage doing the Adam West voice. Hottie teen in a green super hero suit. Nerds get the girl. Oh I love it, I love it. I was sad to find out this morning that Aaron Johnson, the guy who plays Dave/Kick Ass, is 19 years old, engaged to a 40 something year old woman and going to be a dad soon. What kind of hot ghetto mess is that? The kid's British and I know that they do things a bit differently but, SERIOUSLY? I want to know what was going on in that woman's mind when she said "Yeah, I pull some Mary Kay Laturneau shit and marry this 19 year old BOY". Dude's voice was cracking in the movie; she must have found that to be a turn on. I know that "age ain't nothin' but a number", but DAMN! Let the boys balls drop before you turn him into a daddy.

I'm in silver Spring, Maryland right now. It's kinda hot right now but that's ok because it is a lovely day. I'm spending time with my sister even though it feels more like house-sitting. I don't feel like I'm doing anything productive. I'm just sitting here, watching television and trying to fit a good work out in here and there.

I finished reading Will Grayson, Will Grayson last night and that book was a breath of fresh air. I was able to relate to a couple of the characters, mostly both Will Graysons. Even though they were distinctly different, they had so much in common and they had the same lesson to learn. They both learned how to love and appreciate the people in their lives. It's both strange and wonderful how the ones that they learn to love and appreciate happen to be the same person. A young man named Tiny Cooper who is large, strong and fabulously gay. Tiny teaches the Will from the odd chapters how to care and speak up. Tiny teaches Will from the even chapters that life is worth living and it's ok to feel things. I think that everyone needs a Tiny Cooper in their lives to make it fun, interesting and fabulous. If you haven't gotten the book yet, get it NOW!! It's co-written by John Green (NY times best-selling author and Printz Award winner) and David Levithan (co-author of Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist).

This weeks episode of GLee was awesome. I loved every second of it. It was the Madonna episode and it could not have been done any better. The "Open your heart to me" duet between Rachel and Finn was very sweet. The girls' rendition of "Express yourself" was sexy and well costumed. Sue Sylvester's "Vogue" was funny, sexy and very accurate. The Cheerleaders doing "4 minutes" was fun and awesomely choreographed. The boys doing "Do you know what it feels like for a girl" (not sure on the actual title of the song) was very sweet and sincere. The SEX-tet doing "Like a virgin" was really cool (I really wanted Emma and Will to go for it). I'm glad that Rachel didn't and SHAME ON FINN!!! It was really cute how the girls were all wearing the same color and the style matched their level of "sexpertise". The "Like a Prayer" finale was really great and uplifting. I enjoy this show (as a whole) very much and I hope that it stays on for a very long time.

I watched Fringe last night and Peter finally found out that he is from the "other side". Poor Walter!!! I feel for him because he just wanted to save his son's life and have him back. Hopefully he will get the chance to explain that to Peter and there will be some forgiveness. He DID save his life after all. I just want Olivia and Peter to finally hook up. There is so much going on between them and it is obvious that they want to, so fingers crossed.

Friday, April 16, 2010


I am so upset right now that I can't eat. My hands are shaking and my body aches. I don't want to move for fear of hurting someone. I'm sure that you can guess who the villain of my day is. My day started off bad because of this person. Then I had a very good afternoon. Now my evening is ruined because of this person.

I can not wait for tomorrow to come. I'll be in Maryland with my sister and I might have an adventure. Who knows what's in store for me there, but I know that I can't be in New Jersey with my parents anymore. I could at least go back to Easton and get some stupid receptionist job in some stupid office and continue making $8/hr like before.

I am just so tired. Drained like the people in last night's episode of Fringe.

Thursday, April 15, 2010


I'm going to Silver Spring, Maryland on Saturday to visit my sister. I really need to get out of this house!!! My funds are running ridiculously low and I'm really trying to fix that situation even though my heart isn't in it. When I'm under the same roof with my parents, I don't feel like the 25 year old that I am. I feel like a 12 year old. I feel like I had more freedom when I was in boarding school. I wasn't exactly on my own, but I was able to think independently and creatively.

Now that I'm not working, I'm trying harder that ever to think independently and creatively, but I don't have the safety that I once had with high school and college. So now I am scared out of my mind. Right now, my excuse is that my mother is home because of her surgery and she needed me to help her around the house. She goes back to work on Monday so what will my excuse be then?

Well I'm going to be visiting my sister next week and that can help me with my procrastination a little bit longer, but bills and worn out clothes are weighing on me and sooner or later, I am going to have to face them.

Adulthood- My biggest fear

I'm still in the transition period where I'm trying to "find myself" but I have to be mature about it. Almost everyone I know is either engaged, married or married with children. I know that I'm not ready for that so I'm not jealous of those specific things. The thing that I am jealous and worried about is that everyone I know is getting on with their lives, and I feel stuck in one place just observing.

Well. Don't complain about it; do something!

I know, but that is easier said than done. I hope my sister can shake some sense into me because I am starting to feel hopeless.

You might have noticed that my last couple of posts have been Amazon-centric and that is because I am hoping that it might provide me with some funds. I don't exactly have much of an audience, so who knows if it will do any good anyway.

If you saw the 7x9 room with a water damaged wall that I have to sleep in, you would understand why I am so low.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


So I watched GLee last night and I was just so amazed by it. I watched it with my mom and she didn't get it at all. The lovely Idina Menzel was on as the evil "coach" of the opposing group "Vocal Adrenaline". Seeing Idina and Lea on the same screen together was crazy because they look so much alike. I was in awe of the both of them. The cuteness that Will and Emma was awesome and it mirrors that of Rachel and Finn. Both couples have the same exact drama. They finally found their romantic counterparts and yet there is still something keeping apart. Oh well. I loved last night's episode. There was a bit of overacting on everyone's part, but that is what makes the show. Why does Mercedes, the token black girl, always have to be little miss sassy pants?

Sue's "Vogue" video was the most awesome and hilarious thing I've seen on television. I loved every second of it. Congrats to actress Jane Lynch for pulling that off and actually looking sexy and workin' it. Can't wait for next week's episode. Now I have to wait for tonight's finale of Ugly Betty. *sigh*

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Gary Go- Wonderful

I wanted to give a shout out to this song and the band Gary Go because they are "Wonderful" lol. I like this son so much, I decided to sing it a capella but I'm afraid it doesn't do them justice. You might just want to buy their single.

and this is what it is supposed to sound like.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

A shout out to John and David

This is a book by a "friend" named John Green and his friend David Lavithan. I've read almost all of John's books and I have been amazed every time. I know that this one will not disappoint. Pick it up today or order it here on

Here is a video of John reading a small part of the book. See if you like it.

Friday, April 02, 2010

Be Brave, Rey! Be Brave!

These are my musical inspirations. Yes, I can sing them and sing them well!! Enjoy



This quotation has been following me all week: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results."

I pride myself on being an intelligent woman, but when it comes to matters of the heart, I am a fool! I don't want to offend anyone so I am not going to go into specifics, but I am getting sick of being stuck in friend mode. I think it's stamped on my forehead, "befriend me and find the love of your life." I feel like Good Luck Chuck where the girls were lining up to sleep with this guy because they believed that it would help them find their future husband.

A gray cloud is hovering above me right now and I don't like it.

I just need to pluck up some courage and set my new plan in to motion. Hopefully, the stars will align and work some special mojo just for me. I have a voice and I'm going to use it somehow.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Job hunting

I'm a half asser. I know what I need to do, but I don't put too much effort into it because I feel like it will come to nothing. I've been jog hunting, but not to the level where I should be because I hate interviewing and being judged. I hat the idea that I am going to meet someone for the first time, that person looks at my resume then asks me some dumb ass questions and decides that I'm not good enough for a job that monkeys could do.

Yes, I'm insecure. Yes, I'm being stupid right now. I felt so much better when I was in school. I felt more secure on a campus filled with people my age who were going through the same stuff as I was. I enjoyed learning. I may have been an average student, I blame my laziness on that, but at least I was doing something productive. I was getting an education.

I should have been like my sister and gone above and beyond with my education. I don't have as much passion in certain things as she does and I find myself constantly comparing myself to her. I shouldn't, but I do. She was the scientist, I was the English Major. I wish I had a passion for more practical things like science or math, but I don't. I love math, I did well in math and I find it a bit relaxing, but when I close my eyes and see myself, I'm not wearing a lab coat. I'm not sitting at a desk answering other people's phone calls. I'm standing in front of people, entertaining them in some way. People are reading my books, listening to my songs and buying my artwork. The Universe did not give me this my voice or my mind to keep it hidden just for me. When I sing, I do it so people can hear me.

Why can't I just go with my instinct? My brain is telling me to shape up and get the job. Get out of the house and work in some office. My heart is telling me that I won't be happy unless I'm doing what I love. I love to be artistic. I love to be creative. If Harold Camping is right, the world is ending next year which means I need to get cracking NOW!!!

Please don't think I'm weird, or do. Whatever. I'm just trying to find my niche in this effed up world. I know I'm not going to be on this planet forever and I can't predict when I'm going to go, so why not live like I'm dying?

Thursday, March 18, 2010


We are dreamers. We wish on shooting stars and stay up until 11:11 pm to wish on our clocks. We all have things that we want but are too afraid to go for. Either we cannot afford what we want or we don't feel worthy of what we want. All-in-all, something is stopping us from going after the things that we want the most.
Whether it is a job or a car, a new opportunity or a new relationship, you can wish for it all you want, but you won't get it until you convince yourself that you, in fact, deserve it. As corny as this may sound, you have to believe that what you want most is already yours. Think of it like this, you are shopping online for a book that you really want. You put it in your cart and you go to checkout. You put in your credit card info and your shipping/billing address. You have purchased the book. That book is yours. It isn't physically in your hands yet, but that book is legitimately yours. When you finally receive that book, you are happy, but you aren't surprised or anything. Why are you not surprised? Because you already knew and believed that it was coming. In your head, that book was already yours 5-7 days ago.
The day you realized what you wanted was the day you ordered it. Believe that is is coming to you. Believe that it is already yours. Because it is.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

It feels good to finish

I actually finished a story a couple of days ago. I was so proud of myself.

It's a very short story, about 5 pages long. It's about a young bitter woman who stumbles upon a wedding, makes a strange friend (the bride) and makes an interesting discovery involving her ex beau.

I came up with this story about a year ago when I asked myself, "How would I act if I crashed a wedding and found out that the groom was my ex?" Would I be devastated, shocked beyond belief, or happy for him?

My answer may not seem realistic, but it felt honest to me. They say that when you write, you should write what you know. The only thing I know is myself so I figured I would let the story flow naturally, as if I were living the life of my heroine.

My heroine Robin, like I, wants to be in love, but has been hurt badly by a certain gender. She, and I, has turned brokenhearted-ness into bitterness and in turn has "sworn to loathe men for all eternity" (tell me what film adaptation that quotation that was from and you get a smiley face and a shout out).

I don't want to give too much away because I really want to develop this story into something worth publishing. I also have another project that needs to be finished. That one is a little darker and crazier. I'm really looking forward to finishing that one. Hopefully that story will see an end by this weekend.

I've been looking up some literary magazines, both print and online. I'll let you know how that goes. I'm starting to get excited about stuff again because the weather isn't so gloomy anymore and my mom is a little more mobile now.

I'm in the mood to write an essay. A well researched, well thought out essay. Got any topics for me?

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Yes Ma'am. No Ma'am

Right now I feel like I am in the servant's quarters of the house although I am a few feet away from my cousin and his new wife. I'm not entirely sure how old they are (not older than 35) but the wife insists on calling me Honey like I'm 12. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt because she's just met me and she doesn't know yet. She seems very fashionable, nice and educated so I don't want to dislike her, especially since she is family now, but I have a feeling that if I met her on different terms, I probably would not like her. That's only because I'm not very nice to people I should be nice to.

I'm glad that my cousin has found himself a place in this country. He has a job, a wife and a home. He has definitely made something of himself. I remember when I first met him in Haiti 10 years ago. He looks a lot like my father, quite handsome, and he seemed very happy to have me as part of his family. I'm always happy to meet members of my family that I've never met before, but I don't like being treated like a child or being reminded of my life when I was a child.

My mother, in the presence of other Haitians, has a tendency to put me down. She loves to make my sister look like the awesome daughter who has the PhD and lives on her own. When she talks about me, on the other hand, I'm the daughter who "poco, fe demwazel". Apparently I'm not a presentable young woman yet. I'm sorry I'm not the kind of person who walks up and down the apartment looking for things to clean, meals to cook and people to serve.

According to my mother (I would add my father into these rantings but he is hardly ever around or involved to be relevant) I don't know how to speak Creole or French. Apparently I spoke Sign Language to my grandmother and my aunts when I visited them a few weeks ago.

I don't know why I always let this get to me, but I just hate the way that my mother makes people think of me. I don't enjoy having people say "keep your head up and stay focused. You'll get there." like I'm some charity case. I'm 25 years old. I may not have that awesome job yet, but I will.

All day today I've been the help. This morning I was the nanny to my brother. I made sure he was bathed, dressed and fed before school. I drove my mother to get her hair done and I waited there, annoyed, for 2 hours while she and her hairdresser yapped about the immorality of gay couples adopting children. (Apparently Christians would rather have children be orphaned by their straight parents than be saves, loved and taken care of by gay parents) By the time we got back home, my father was here and he brought some seafood (most of which I cannot eat because I am allergic) for his nephew that was scheduled to come at 3pm. After a few Regine, can you do this? Regine can you do that? I made some food for these cousins of mine. The food was cooked at 2:00, they didn't get here till 6.

I haven't heard the word please spoken sincerely since I've been here. I have, on the other hand, learned that I have two names. Regine for when I'm being scolded and Regina (emphasis on gi) for when she needs me to do something for her. Either way, I'm bummed.

I don't like how I'm constantly here complaining about stuff. I probably look like a pathetic ninny attached to my keyboard. I just don't have anything positive on which to report. I have hope.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

All I have to say is...

...Thank goodness I live in modern society. As screwed up as it is now, it is loads better than 19th Century ridiculousness, especially when it comes to women. Thanks to the ABC daytime show, The View, and their topic on the history of the menstrual cycle, I was compelled to do a little more digging and here is what I found. Check this out:

Don't you wish all maladies could be cured with a good orgasm?

Monday, March 08, 2010

Something I've learned

My mother has been on crutches for the last week due to surgery on her feet. I, in turn, have become her "replacement". Not the sort of replacement that can do whatever she wants along with some of the responsibilities of being Mom 2.0, but the Nanny/Maid/Chauffeur/Chef that I know she has always wanted. I, of course, obliged her because she is my mother and "she gave me life and raised me and blah blah". Although I am not enjoying this, I am glad to say that I have learned two things so far.

The first thing I've learned is that I can be a very angry person with a bad attitude. Normally, I am a very nice person. Very sweet. My friends' parents always loved me. I'm very cordial and polite. I don't swear (in public) or put people down, but I've learned that after a while doubt, worry, sadness and overall bad feelings like to jump into a cauldron and boil into an Anger Bouillon. I know that it isn't good to keep my feelings inside, and I've heard that it is good to swear on occasion. Too bad little old me would rather be pleasant than honest. Unfortunately, my "attitude" likes to seep out at the most random times. The sister makes it a thing to let me know. She always seems to be around when it happens. Hmm, I wonder why?

Apparently what I do is either, roll my eyes and suck my teeth, raise my voice, or grunt a little and then say "Oh my Gooooooddddd". The sister would then say, "Regine (or Ninoy or Neener horrible, I know), you have such a bad attitude. You need to fix that." I would then look at her, scowl and walk away.

What triggers your anger?

Good question. Well, I don't like it when people tell me what to do like I'm stupid. I don't mind being instructed, in fact, I love to learn, but when someone talks to me like I'm 2 years old, my 25 year old brain says "Oh helllllllllllll no. I know you are not going to let THAT talk to you that way."
Another things that gets on my nerves is when someone puts their hands on me or touches me in some way. If you have no plans of courting me and becoming my suitor, don't touch me. For some reason, lately, being touched makes me feel belittled and powerless. Maybe a hug here or there, but that's pushing it a little.

Re, you have issues!

Tell me something I don't know!

The only thing that seems to be helping is some good belting music mostly found in the soundtrack of Wicked.

The other thing that I've learned is that people have children so that they can be taken care of when they are old. Parents put up with taking care of children so that there is a guarantee that someone will be there for them when they are old and frail. I'm bitter about this issue because my parents are cashing in big time.

When a child becomes independent and free-thinking, the parent says "I took care of you for such-and-such time and now you are acting like and ungrateful brat". My response to this is, "Did I ask you to do that?"

Re, you are an ungrateful brat!

I don't think so!

This is how I see it. A child is conceived due to vicious planning or irresponsibility and negligence. The child is finally born into a world that welcomes it with a slap on the behind, an amputation of the umbilical chord and another cutting for males. Then we are forced into incestuous acts by "receiving sustenance" from our mothers. What kind of world is this? Our parents HAVE to take care of us. Why? Because they have to apologize for the world that they brought us into. In their 18 years of apologizing, they have learned to twist it into a thing that we should be thankful for. After we are 18, we are sent off to fend for ourselves because they figured they did enough groveling and they hope that we aren't on to their scheme. Now we are brain washed into believing that we owe them for taking care us and providing for us when really what they did was keep us alive long enough to learn a few tricks, live a little, brainwash a new set of idiots and eventually DIE!

If all of that sounds ridiculous to you, that would be because you were well brainwashed or you are a glass-half-full kind of a person.

Ok, that's enough. Do you see the sorts of things I write when fueled by anger? At least I amused you for a little bit. Haha

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

What I deserve

This is a list of the things that I believe that I deserve.

An awesomely awesome job that has great benefits, high salary for my experience, growth opportunities, vacation time and lots of perks.

A loving and supportive family that never puts me down and always encourages me to live my dream.

Honest friends that are around when I need them (they have their own lives and their own things going on) and know that I am always there for them.

A sexy guy who is intelligent, driven, artistic, romantic, honest, faithful, mature, articulate, athletic, "skilled", passionate, loving and employed

At least one moment on stage in front of a large adoring audience.

The confidence to get all of that stuff.

Thursday, February 11, 2010


For the last couple of weeks, I've been "hiding" in Montreal Canada. My excuse was that I wanted to visit my family, but in actuality, I wanted to get away. At first I was going to stay only for a week, but I decided to stay for another week, just for kicks.

From what are you hiding, Regine?

Life. It's annoying, stressful and too real for me to deal with right now. I know that I can't really escape life. Life follows me everywhere I go, but I was in desperate need of a vacation, a pause, a moment to stand still and breathe.

I know that right now is the worst possible time to do so, but I know that it is better to be in a place where I can think than to be in a place where I'm miserable.

I don't want to be miserable. No one does, but we put so much importance on making money that we are willing to sacrifice our happiness for it. I don't want to sacrifice my happiness. Maybe I'm being immature and naive, but I want to believe that success isn't measured by how much money is in my account but by how many wonderful things I've experienced.

I'm getting sick of being the one who says that I know so-and-so or I went to school with whosey-whatsit. I want people to say that about me. It has nothing to do with fame (not directly, at least). I just want to do something with my life where there is a possibility that someone would say "Oh yeah, I know Regine. She's fabulous and so talented."

I know that getting someone to say that doesn't start with hiding, but my hiding gives me a chance to look in my self and say "I am Regine and I am fabulous and so talented."

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Step 1... check

Good news, I quit my job. That's right, I quit my job. I bet you are wondering: "What the hell are you going to do now?" Well, thanks for asking, Mom. My answer to you is... I'll never teeeelllllllll! (R.I.P Brittany Murphy) You know exactly why I won't. Don't take it personally or anything like that, it's just, well, would you tell someone your wish after you blew out your candles? Exactly!

Anyway, that was step 1 and on to step 2.

Right now, I am home for the week. Grabbing my bearings and getting adjusted to the fact that I FLERKIN' QUIT MY JOB!!!!

In no way do I blame the children for my wanting to leave. They were pains in the butts but they were MY pains in the butts. They were my kids and I had a hand in raising them. It just came to a point where I was dreading coming to work every morning and everyone could see it in my face. I may be able to keep my feelings to myself when it comes to verbal communication, but when you see my face, you know something is up.

The conversation with my supervisor went pretty much as follows:

Supervisor: Are you frustrated?
Me: Yes
Supervisor: What about?
Me: Everything
Supervisor: Do you want to leave?
Me: Yes, but-
Supervisor: We want you to be happy.
Me: (tears welling up in eyes) ...
Supervisor: ...
Me: (Grabs a paper towel to wipe face)...
Supervisor: ...
Me: (the Angel on one shoulder and the Devil on the other have reached an agreement) I guess I'm giving you my two weeks notice.

The End

Do you know how good I felt after I said those words? I was afraid for my future, but I felt so good. I felt Like Elphaba from Wicked. "Unlimited, my future is unlimited"

Now, I just have to work on step 2 and make this the best year ever.
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