Thursday, April 15, 2010


I'm going to Silver Spring, Maryland on Saturday to visit my sister. I really need to get out of this house!!! My funds are running ridiculously low and I'm really trying to fix that situation even though my heart isn't in it. When I'm under the same roof with my parents, I don't feel like the 25 year old that I am. I feel like a 12 year old. I feel like I had more freedom when I was in boarding school. I wasn't exactly on my own, but I was able to think independently and creatively.

Now that I'm not working, I'm trying harder that ever to think independently and creatively, but I don't have the safety that I once had with high school and college. So now I am scared out of my mind. Right now, my excuse is that my mother is home because of her surgery and she needed me to help her around the house. She goes back to work on Monday so what will my excuse be then?

Well I'm going to be visiting my sister next week and that can help me with my procrastination a little bit longer, but bills and worn out clothes are weighing on me and sooner or later, I am going to have to face them.

Adulthood- My biggest fear

I'm still in the transition period where I'm trying to "find myself" but I have to be mature about it. Almost everyone I know is either engaged, married or married with children. I know that I'm not ready for that so I'm not jealous of those specific things. The thing that I am jealous and worried about is that everyone I know is getting on with their lives, and I feel stuck in one place just observing.

Well. Don't complain about it; do something!

I know, but that is easier said than done. I hope my sister can shake some sense into me because I am starting to feel hopeless.

You might have noticed that my last couple of posts have been Amazon-centric and that is because I am hoping that it might provide me with some funds. I don't exactly have much of an audience, so who knows if it will do any good anyway.

If you saw the 7x9 room with a water damaged wall that I have to sleep in, you would understand why I am so low.

1 comment:

Libba Bray said...

I always said that your 20's are like adolescence with rent. That transitional space is hard to occupy. Hang in there. I'm sure you'll take NYC by storm, yet. :D Libba

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