Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Still no luck

Job: This month has been extremely and ridiculously not in my favor. I told myself that I was going to be employed by my birthday and that day came and went. This is so frustrating because I see the looks on my parents faces and I know that they are very disappointed in me. Sure, there are a lot of good things that I have done in my life, but they will always focus on the negative. I'm still young though and I have plenty of time, but they look at me like I'm a lost cause. I've had a few interviews this month and I really thought that I was going to get lucky. Even my friends are starting to look down on me and I'm just afraid to show my face in public. I'd like to think that my lack of luck is due to God trying to put me in the right place to find the right thing. I really hope that is the case because I've had a year's worth of rejection and I really can not deal with another disappointment.

Love: Yay! I'm completely over Joe. That is definitely something to celebrate. My "friendship" with Arik is interesting, but I don't like to tell people about that because even though it is real, the nature of it is borderline fantasy-like. All I can say is that he is beginning to take up Joe's space in my... heart. Anyway, enough about him. I met this guy a couple of weeks ago and he says he is eager to see me. "I just want to see your pretty face"... um... ok. Well, if that is the case, why did you stand me up 3 times? Yeah, 3. The third time was just me being stupid because I knew better, but there was something in me that thought, maybe he will turn around and surprise me. That was not the case. He wasn't even my type. He definitely turned me off to Black men in general and Haitian men in particular. I've told myself that I would never be in a relationship with a Haitian man, so I'm not at all disappointed with this situation. I'm just mad at myself that I let it get to 3 stand-ups. Once again, I'd like to think that it was God looking out for me; he doesn't want that guy in my life and neither do I.

Social: Last night was so cool. I went out to dinner with my friends Alissa and Eileen for my birthday (six days after the actual date). We had dinner at Macaroni Grill and went to the movies to see Knocked Up. That movie was so ridiculous. Way too many drug references, and "fuck" had to be the most used word with "the" in a close second. It was funny as hell though, not as funny as Hot Fuzz, but still funny. Alissa's moving on to bigger and better things, Eileen's got the coolest husband and what I think to be a cool life and here I am still at home with people who can't stand to look at me. I know that people have their good things and their bad things so I can't be completely jealous of them. I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune when I'm older. I just really want some goodness to come my way so that I can prove all of these naysayers wrong.

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