A shout out to John and David

This is a book by a "friend" named John Green and his friend David Lavithan. I've read almost all of John's books and I have been amazed every time. I know that this one will not disappoint. Pick it up today or order it here on Amazon.com.

Here is a video of John reading a small part of the book. See if you like it.

Be Brave, Rey! Be Brave!

These are my musical inspirations. Yes, I can sing them and sing them well!! Enjoy















Yuppers!

Patterns

This quotation has been following me all week: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results."

I pride myself on being an intelligent woman, but when it comes to matters of the heart, I am a fool! I don't want to offend anyone so I am not going to go into specifics, but I am getting sick of being stuck in friend mode. I think it's stamped on my forehead, "befriend me and find the love of your life." I feel like Good Luck Chuck where the girls were lining up to sleep with this guy because they believed that it would help them find their future husband.

A gray cloud is hovering above me right now and I don't like it.

I just need to pluck up some courage and set my new plan in to motion. Hopefully, the stars will align and work some special mojo just for me. I have a voice and I'm going to use it somehow.

Job hunting

I'm a half asser. I know what I need to do, but I don't put too much effort into it because I feel like it will come to nothing. I've been jog hunting, but not to the level where I should be because I hate interviewing and being judged. I hat the idea that I am going to meet someone for the first time, that person looks at my resume then asks me some dumb ass questions and decides that I'm not good enough for a job that monkeys could do.

Yes, I'm insecure. Yes, I'm being stupid right now. I felt so much better when I was in school. I felt more secure on a campus filled with people my age who were going through the same stuff as I was. I enjoyed learning. I may have been an average student, I blame my laziness on that, but at least I was doing something productive. I was getting an education.

I should have been like my sister and gone above and beyond with my education. I don't have as much passion in certain things as she does and I find myself constantly comparing myself to her. I shouldn't, but I do. She was the scientist, I was the English Major. I wish I had a passion for more practical things like science or math, but I don't. I love math, I did well in math and I find it a bit relaxing, but when I close my eyes and see myself, I'm not wearing a lab coat. I'm not sitting at a desk answering other people's phone calls. I'm standing in front of people, entertaining them in some way. People are reading my books, listening to my songs and buying my artwork. The Universe did not give me this my voice or my mind to keep it hidden just for me. When I sing, I do it so people can hear me.

Why can't I just go with my instinct? My brain is telling me to shape up and get the job. Get out of the house and work in some office. My heart is telling me that I won't be happy unless I'm doing what I love. I love to be artistic. I love to be creative. If Harold Camping is right, the world is ending next year which means I need to get cracking NOW!!!

Please don't think I'm weird, or do. Whatever. I'm just trying to find my niche in this effed up world. I know I'm not going to be on this planet forever and I can't predict when I'm going to go, so why not live like I'm dying?

Believing

We are dreamers. We wish on shooting stars and stay up until 11:11 pm to wish on our clocks. We all have things that we want but are too afraid to go for. Either we cannot afford what we want or we don't feel worthy of what we want. All-in-all, something is stopping us from going after the things that we want the most.
Whether it is a job or a car, a new opportunity or a new relationship, you can wish for it all you want, but you won't get it until you convince yourself that you, in fact, deserve it. As corny as this may sound, you have to believe that what you want most is already yours. Think of it like this, you are shopping online for a book that you really want. You put it in your cart and you go to checkout. You put in your credit card info and your shipping/billing address. You have purchased the book. That book is yours. It isn't physically in your hands yet, but that book is legitimately yours. When you finally receive that book, you are happy, but you aren't surprised or anything. Why are you not surprised? Because you already knew and believed that it was coming. In your head, that book was already yours 5-7 days ago.
The day you realized what you wanted was the day you ordered it. Believe that is is coming to you. Believe that it is already yours. Because it is.

It feels good to finish

I actually finished a story a couple of days ago. I was so proud of myself.

It's a very short story, about 5 pages long. It's about a young bitter woman who stumbles upon a wedding, makes a strange friend (the bride) and makes an interesting discovery involving her ex beau.

I came up with this story about a year ago when I asked myself, "How would I act if I crashed a wedding and found out that the groom was my ex?" Would I be devastated, shocked beyond belief, or happy for him?

My answer may not seem realistic, but it felt honest to me. They say that when you write, you should write what you know. The only thing I know is myself so I figured I would let the story flow naturally, as if I were living the life of my heroine.

My heroine Robin, like I, wants to be in love, but has been hurt badly by a certain gender. She, and I, has turned brokenhearted-ness into bitterness and in turn has "sworn to loathe men for all eternity" (tell me what film adaptation that quotation that was from and you get a smiley face and a shout out).

I don't want to give too much away because I really want to develop this story into something worth publishing. I also have another project that needs to be finished. That one is a little darker and crazier. I'm really looking forward to finishing that one. Hopefully that story will see an end by this weekend.

I've been looking up some literary magazines, both print and online. I'll let you know how that goes. I'm starting to get excited about stuff again because the weather isn't so gloomy anymore and my mom is a little more mobile now.

I'm in the mood to write an essay. A well researched, well thought out essay. Got any topics for me?

Yes Ma'am. No Ma'am

Right now I feel like I am in the servant's quarters of the house although I am a few feet away from my cousin and his new wife. I'm not entirely sure how old they are (not older than 35) but the wife insists on calling me Honey like I'm 12. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt because she's just met me and she doesn't know yet. She seems very fashionable, nice and educated so I don't want to dislike her, especially since she is family now, but I have a feeling that if I met her on different terms, I probably would not like her. That's only because I'm not very nice to people I should be nice to.

I'm glad that my cousin has found himself a place in this country. He has a job, a wife and a home. He has definitely made something of himself. I remember when I first met him in Haiti 10 years ago. He looks a lot like my father, quite handsome, and he seemed very happy to have me as part of his family. I'm always happy to meet members of my family that I've never met before, but I don't like being treated like a child or being reminded of my life when I was a child.

My mother, in the presence of other Haitians, has a tendency to put me down. She loves to make my sister look like the awesome daughter who has the PhD and lives on her own. When she talks about me, on the other hand, I'm the daughter who "poco, fe demwazel". Apparently I'm not a presentable young woman yet. I'm sorry I'm not the kind of person who walks up and down the apartment looking for things to clean, meals to cook and people to serve.

According to my mother (I would add my father into these rantings but he is hardly ever around or involved to be relevant) I don't know how to speak Creole or French. Apparently I spoke Sign Language to my grandmother and my aunts when I visited them a few weeks ago.

I don't know why I always let this get to me, but I just hate the way that my mother makes people think of me. I don't enjoy having people say "keep your head up and stay focused. You'll get there." like I'm some charity case. I'm 25 years old. I may not have that awesome job yet, but I will.

All day today I've been the help. This morning I was the nanny to my brother. I made sure he was bathed, dressed and fed before school. I drove my mother to get her hair done and I waited there, annoyed, for 2 hours while she and her hairdresser yapped about the immorality of gay couples adopting children. (Apparently Christians would rather have children be orphaned by their straight parents than be saves, loved and taken care of by gay parents) By the time we got back home, my father was here and he brought some seafood (most of which I cannot eat because I am allergic) for his nephew that was scheduled to come at 3pm. After a few Regine, can you do this? Regine can you do that? I made some food for these cousins of mine. The food was cooked at 2:00, they didn't get here till 6.

I haven't heard the word please spoken sincerely since I've been here. I have, on the other hand, learned that I have two names. Regine for when I'm being scolded and Regina (emphasis on gi) for when she needs me to do something for her. Either way, I'm bummed.

I don't like how I'm constantly here complaining about stuff. I probably look like a pathetic ninny attached to my keyboard. I just don't have anything positive on which to report. I have hope.

All I have to say is...

...Thank goodness I live in modern society. As screwed up as it is now, it is loads better than 19th Century ridiculousness, especially when it comes to women. Thanks to the ABC daytime show, The View, and their topic on the history of the menstrual cycle, I was compelled to do a little more digging and here is what I found. Check this out:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_hysteria


Don't you wish all maladies could be cured with a good orgasm?

Something I've learned

My mother has been on crutches for the last week due to surgery on her feet. I, in turn, have become her "replacement". Not the sort of replacement that can do whatever she wants along with some of the responsibilities of being Mom 2.0, but the Nanny/Maid/Chauffeur/Chef that I know she has always wanted. I, of course, obliged her because she is my mother and "she gave me life and raised me and blah blah". Although I am not enjoying this, I am glad to say that I have learned two things so far.

The first thing I've learned is that I can be a very angry person with a bad attitude. Normally, I am a very nice person. Very sweet. My friends' parents always loved me. I'm very cordial and polite. I don't swear (in public) or put people down, but I've learned that after a while doubt, worry, sadness and overall bad feelings like to jump into a cauldron and boil into an Anger Bouillon. I know that it isn't good to keep my feelings inside, and I've heard that it is good to swear on occasion. Too bad little old me would rather be pleasant than honest. Unfortunately, my "attitude" likes to seep out at the most random times. The sister makes it a thing to let me know. She always seems to be around when it happens. Hmm, I wonder why?

Apparently what I do is either, roll my eyes and suck my teeth, raise my voice, or grunt a little and then say "Oh my Gooooooddddd". The sister would then say, "Regine (or Ninoy or Neener horrible, I know), you have such a bad attitude. You need to fix that." I would then look at her, scowl and walk away.

What triggers your anger?

Good question. Well, I don't like it when people tell me what to do like I'm stupid. I don't mind being instructed, in fact, I love to learn, but when someone talks to me like I'm 2 years old, my 25 year old brain says "Oh helllllllllllll no. I know you are not going to let THAT talk to you that way."
Another things that gets on my nerves is when someone puts their hands on me or touches me in some way. If you have no plans of courting me and becoming my suitor, don't touch me. For some reason, lately, being touched makes me feel belittled and powerless. Maybe a hug here or there, but that's pushing it a little.

Re, you have issues!

Tell me something I don't know!

The only thing that seems to be helping is some good belting music mostly found in the soundtrack of Wicked.


The other thing that I've learned is that people have children so that they can be taken care of when they are old. Parents put up with taking care of children so that there is a guarantee that someone will be there for them when they are old and frail. I'm bitter about this issue because my parents are cashing in big time.

When a child becomes independent and free-thinking, the parent says "I took care of you for such-and-such time and now you are acting like and ungrateful brat". My response to this is, "Did I ask you to do that?"

Re, you are an ungrateful brat!

I don't think so!

This is how I see it. A child is conceived due to vicious planning or irresponsibility and negligence. The child is finally born into a world that welcomes it with a slap on the behind, an amputation of the umbilical chord and another cutting for males. Then we are forced into incestuous acts by "receiving sustenance" from our mothers. What kind of world is this? Our parents HAVE to take care of us. Why? Because they have to apologize for the world that they brought us into. In their 18 years of apologizing, they have learned to twist it into a thing that we should be thankful for. After we are 18, we are sent off to fend for ourselves because they figured they did enough groveling and they hope that we aren't on to their scheme. Now we are brain washed into believing that we owe them for taking care us and providing for us when really what they did was keep us alive long enough to learn a few tricks, live a little, brainwash a new set of idiots and eventually DIE!

If all of that sounds ridiculous to you, that would be because you were well brainwashed or you are a glass-half-full kind of a person.

Ok, that's enough. Do you see the sorts of things I write when fueled by anger? At least I amused you for a little bit. Haha

What I deserve

This is a list of the things that I believe that I deserve.


An awesomely awesome job that has great benefits, high salary for my experience, growth opportunities, vacation time and lots of perks.

A loving and supportive family that never puts me down and always encourages me to live my dream.

Honest friends that are around when I need them (they have their own lives and their own things going on) and know that I am always there for them.

A sexy guy who is intelligent, driven, artistic, romantic, honest, faithful, mature, articulate, athletic, "skilled", passionate, loving and employed

At least one moment on stage in front of a large adoring audience.

The confidence to get all of that stuff.

Hiding

For the last couple of weeks, I've been "hiding" in Montreal Canada. My excuse was that I wanted to visit my family, but in actuality, I wanted to get away. At first I was going to stay only for a week, but I decided to stay for another week, just for kicks.

From what are you hiding, Regine?

Life. It's annoying, stressful and too real for me to deal with right now. I know that I can't really escape life. Life follows me everywhere I go, but I was in desperate need of a vacation, a pause, a moment to stand still and breathe.

I know that right now is the worst possible time to do so, but I know that it is better to be in a place where I can think than to be in a place where I'm miserable.

I don't want to be miserable. No one does, but we put so much importance on making money that we are willing to sacrifice our happiness for it. I don't want to sacrifice my happiness. Maybe I'm being immature and naive, but I want to believe that success isn't measured by how much money is in my account but by how many wonderful things I've experienced.


I'm getting sick of being the one who says that I know so-and-so or I went to school with whosey-whatsit. I want people to say that about me. It has nothing to do with fame (not directly, at least). I just want to do something with my life where there is a possibility that someone would say "Oh yeah, I know Regine. She's fabulous and so talented."

I know that getting someone to say that doesn't start with hiding, but my hiding gives me a chance to look in my self and say "I am Regine and I am fabulous and so talented."

Step 1... check

Good news, I quit my job. That's right, I quit my job. I bet you are wondering: "What the hell are you going to do now?" Well, thanks for asking, Mom. My answer to you is... I'll never teeeelllllllll! (R.I.P Brittany Murphy) You know exactly why I won't. Don't take it personally or anything like that, it's just, well, would you tell someone your wish after you blew out your candles? Exactly!

Anyway, that was step 1 and on to step 2.


Right now, I am home for the week. Grabbing my bearings and getting adjusted to the fact that I FLERKIN' QUIT MY JOB!!!!

In no way do I blame the children for my wanting to leave. They were pains in the butts but they were MY pains in the butts. They were my kids and I had a hand in raising them. It just came to a point where I was dreading coming to work every morning and everyone could see it in my face. I may be able to keep my feelings to myself when it comes to verbal communication, but when you see my face, you know something is up.

The conversation with my supervisor went pretty much as follows:

Supervisor: Are you frustrated?
Me: Yes
Supervisor: What about?
Me: Everything
Supervisor: Do you want to leave?
Me: Yes, but-
Supervisor: We want you to be happy.
Me: (tears welling up in eyes) ...
Supervisor: ...
Me: (Grabs a paper towel to wipe face)...
Supervisor: ...
Me: (the Angel on one shoulder and the Devil on the other have reached an agreement) I guess I'm giving you my two weeks notice.

The End

Do you know how good I felt after I said those words? I was afraid for my future, but I felt so good. I felt Like Elphaba from Wicked. "Unlimited, my future is unlimited"

Now, I just have to work on step 2 and make this the best year ever.

Holidays, Hopes and Happiness

Well, the year is almost over and I am looking forward to the new one. I think that I am ready for some new things to come my way. Well, not just new, but good. I am ready to have some happy times again. 2009 was an awful year for me and I would very much like to get away from it as soon as possible.

I have to admit that there were a few good things that happened this year like getting the pool, having the 4th of July party with the family and making a new friend who seems to be a genuinely nice person and just recently gave me a book that I am adoring. (Thank you Shaun!!)

I'm still working on my secret project and I am taking that with me into 2010. I'm not going to talk about it here because I don't want to have to do any explaining. If you read my last post, you would understand why.

I had a long talk with one my friends last night about my current living situation (work, friends, family etc.) and even though she is significantly younger than I am, I have learned that wisdom comes in any form. She has shown me how to see certain things in a different way. She made me realize that my parents are lucky to have me even though they don't act like it. I've realized that what I've been doing consisted of listening to the bad comments, believing them and letting them keep me down to serve the purpose of the people who made the negative comments.

Never again!

I now understand that they are just afraid of my impending success and they would rather keep me with them by belittling me instead of supporting me and letting me soar. (It's sad to know that a lot of this is coming from the family. They like to feel powerful, I guess.)

Anyway, the fam came over late last night and they opened the gifts that I got them. I got my mother two blouses. I got my father and my brother sweaters that zip from the chest up. I got my sister a long and stretchy scarf and an iTunes gift card. All of the gifts that I got were from my students. I received Dunkin' Donuts girt cards from 2 parents, a bag of makeup from another parent who works with L'oreal (I think I spelled that right, I'm not much of a makeup wearing person.) and another parent got me some lotion and shower gel (can't get enough of that). I felt blessed because some of the kids were no longer in my classroom, but I guess since they were in my care at some point this year, they thought that it would be nice to get me something. too bad for them, I am going to be leaving that place very soon. (insert maniacal laugh here)

These are the things that I want for myself in the new year:
New job
New York
New love
New wardrobe
New friends
New happy life.

Now I have to make plans for New Year's Eve.

Thanksgiving

In Newark for Thanksgiving and I am ready to go back to Easton. I realized that I am a horrible person because my uncle is just trying to bond with me and practice his English and all I want to do is be mean to him. He makes no sense when he talks, and the English major in me just wants to... well... you know.

My mother has been hassling me about my current work situation. She thinks she is helping me, but she is just irritating me. She knows how to make a child feel unloved.


Anyway, I still have one more day left in my long weekend before I have to deal with work and I have decided to make a secret project for only me to know about. I read in Cosmo that it is better to keep goals to one's self rather than tell every one about it. A person would think that it would be better to tell people so that the fear of disappointing people would motivate him or her to follow through, but according to Cosmo, it isn't. In the article, it said that people get satisfied and feel accomplished just by having the plan and telling people about it and that feeling is enough for them.

I guess it works just like wishes. If you tell someone your wish, it won't come true. According to the article, the people who keeps their plans to themselves are more successful because it is exciting to have this secret, follow through with it and then surprise people with the news once the goal is reached.

Some of the things that I've kept to myself have worked out much better than the things that I've shared with others. There is that extra weight on your shoulders when people expect things from you. In the article, it said that people like to give unsolicited advice and make themselves part of your goals. They can either have a genuine interest in helping you achieve your goal or they want to get some of the credit for your achievement. (People can be arses like that)

Alrighty then, off to planning!!

Ciao!

Bows head in shame

Conscience: Regine, where have you been?
Me: What? Oh, um, in bed sleeping?
Conscience: Is that a question?
Me: No, I've been catching up on my sleep. I'm just so tired. I-
Conscience: Oh, you're tired, hunh? You're TIRED? You know what's tired? Those sorry excuses of yours.
Me: Conscience? (sounding defensive) That was way harsh. (sounding like Cher in "Clueless")
Conscience: Whatever! Get your shit together.
Me: (bows head in shame)

Still missing one

There is supposed to be one more blog for September. Since it is just the first day in October, I figure that it is alright, especially since it is my event. I didn't really have much to talk about but I wanted to make it know that I had an interesting experience doing this. It would have been cooler if I had gotten more feedback on stuff, but I guess I talked a little more about personal things than just random topics.

Anyway, it was fun and now I'm glad that I don't have to come home and write.

Glee/ Book/ Chilly/ Job search

I am watching Glee on fox right now and once again, it is knocking my metaphorical socks off. Kristin Chenoweth is on it and I love and adore her. I don't like that they have her playing a drunken whore who is reliving her high school day, but she plays it so well. That Rachel girl needs to slow her roll and respect her elders. you don't catch and attitude with the Cheno. (oh man, she just sang again with the hottie teacher guy)

A few weeks ago, we were doing art projects with the kids at work and I looked at one of the kids' hands to make sure all of the paint was off and I thought of a story called "Holly's Hands". I finished writing it over the weekend and if I have my way, it will be a pop-up book. So Holly is going through her day doing stuff that normal 5 year olds do, emphasis on things that she does with her hands. It's not very long, but it's cute and it's written so there we go.

I'm the kind of girl who runs a little hot so I am really appreciating the weather getting chillier. I don't want it to get super cold like I know that it will be soon, but it feels really good right now. I like sleeping with my comforter rather than with a thin sheet cause it makes me feel like I'm snuggling next to someone, ha!

So I re-registered for Monster.com with my new email and I posted my resume, so hopefully things will look up job- wise and I'll be happy again. Like they said "sister are doing it for themselves" and I am about to do it for myself. I am going to get mine. I can not be 25 years old and feel like I'm 60. My twenties are supposed to be happy, not crappy.

Ok, t'is all

Breathe In , Breathe Out

Today... was a day. Today was an interesting day. Today is a day that I would not like to repeat. I still have chills just thinking about what happened today.

I pretty much let my boss know that she shouldn't expect me to stay much longer. That's bad, right?

I don't feel right writing about this, but I will rip it off like a band aid.

I asked my boss why I hadn't had my 2 year evaluation yet and she looked at my like I was crazy. She avoided me for about an hour after that and then we had a talk in her office. Apparently I (1) should have told her sooner about my 2 years being up, (2) have been giving her an attitude lately and (3) I'm not working hard enough in the morning.
Well in my defense, I don't feel right going up to my boss and asking her for my raise just like that. I find it rude and annoying. my attitude is completely justified because I've been working there for 2 years and I never talk or ask for anything. I do everything that is asked of me and I don't go complaining every second when I'm not happy about something. As for that nonsense about not doing more in the early morning, first off, it was just today, second, that parent who complained is a jack ass and third, who the hell hires an overweight 66 year old woman who gets sick all of the time to watch children?

If I were MG or RA, those things would be overlooked because they are the golden children. They can get away with murder. Tell me why I had to help out in MG's classroom when she had less than 20 kids and there were 4 teachers in there, mind you, ration is 1 teacher to 10 kids. Maybe it's because MG wants to roam around the facility doing whatever the f*** she wants with her a$$ crack sticking out of her pants. I hope her arse crack gave a good impression to the woman who came to evaluated the classroom today.

I "shocked" my boss when I asked her if someone was going to relieve me so that I could take my break when the evaluation lady was here. According to boss lady, I said it with a really bad attitude and I shouldn't have let eval. lady hear. I don't see how volume coincides with attitude, but whatever.

The thing that sucks donkey balls is that I feel bad that I might have hurt my boss's feelings. I feel bad that even though I am totally justified, I may have hurt someone's feelings. Now I am sitting at home with all of this rage + sadness + guilt + 25 years of being the little sister (I'm watching Fred Claus and it's really hitting home), and I have no one here to take my side and make me feel better.

Anyway, I told my boss that I am feeling pressure from my family and myself about doing something with myself and leaving my job. I know that I should not have said that to her, but I couldn't help myself. I felt like I was in a therapy session talking about my feelings and I teared up, a little. Even though I feel bad about this (which I really shouldn't) I know that this was a long time coming and I never should have taken that job in the first damn place.

At least I'm finally getting my f***ing raise.

Today

I thought that today was going to be a pin because I had to work alone in my class room, but luckily I only had 3 kids to look after and I rather enjoyed myself. I'm glad that I didn't have to deal with two specific children, but that is mainly because all they want to do is be sourpusses and cry all day. I don't need that.

Here is what I did at work today:
In at 6:15, did the bleach bottles and the paper towels and rugs
Opened at 6:30
Tidied up classroom and did the lesson plan for the week
My 3 kids came in and a I fed/changed diapers when necessary
9:00 went over the words of the week, counting, colors and sang songs
10:00 went out for a walk in the buggies around the facility and the kids touched and smelled the trees
10:30 Inside to tidy up the room and clean the toys while the kids were in the bouncers
11:00 lunch for the kids, set up for quiet time and change diapers
12:00 quiet time and my break time (which ends at 12:45)
2:00 Change diapers, set the room back for class time and hung out till 3 when I finally get to leave.

After work, I went to get my oil changed by a delicious man with an accent at Jiffy Lube and then i went to the mall to buy two books (Bran Hambric: The Farfield Cruse by Kaleb Nation and The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau Banks by E. Lockhart) a pair of skinny jeans (though I am far from skinny) a chain with a cross pendant (cause it was cute and it was $3) and some concentrated air freshener for my car and hand sanitizer from Bath and body works.

I don't know why I was in a spending mood, but I was. Sometimes i would rather have the stuff than the money because the money doesn't do me any good when it's just green paper in my wallet. I would rather have things that serve a purpose. What's the point of having the money if you won't do anything with it? (what happened to the days of "do you wanna trade your tuna for my pb&j" but that is a whol other topic.)

C and I were supposed to hang out today and have out Martini Monday, but (surprise, surprise) she flaked. Better for my anyway; I'd rather go to work with a clear head.

Weekend

Saturday night was rather regular. I spent the whole day waiting for the family to come.I think I told you all that I had to sing early that morning, so I was rather lazy for the rest of the day. The parents, my brother and my cousin came over around 7 or 8 (and I yelled to the cabby, yo homes smell ya later... haha) and we just hung around for a bit till bed time, though I stayed up pretty late. Sunday morning, we went to church and then we went to Kohl's to get some picture frames for my sister to give to her professors. While we were at Kohl's, I saw my favorite kid's dad (he works there). It was a little awkward, but it was nice to have someone in my work life know my family life. It's really weird because I talk about my family with my "friends" here and they have never met them. In the two years that I have lived here, my work people have never met my family.

I guess I should see it as more of a blessing.

So we got the picture frames, a pair of pants for Pat and a cute little bracelet for my sister. A few hours later, we drove down to Landsdale, PA to visit K (she flew in from San Fran to give a talk to the Merck people about her research). We had dinner somewhere nearby and we took pictures and we had a genuinely good time. She really liked the bracelet, unless she's taken some acting classes over in SF. I'm glad I got to see her, even though she practically called me a waste.

Yeah, I skipped a day

Who cares, I missed a day. It's not because I forgot, I was just way too tired to bother. I know that no one cares anyway since I've been mostly ranting about ridiculous things. My job is crazy and my social life is nonexistent so I have no outlet except for choir.

Choir is annoying and boring and I need a singing challenge or something. I hated that I had to wake up early this morning to go to church so that I could sing for the bishop. It would be really cool if it was me, by myself, but I just cantored. It was nice to have poeple come up to me and tell me that I did a great job, but I want people to cheer for me and scream my name and pay to see me. That would be awesome.

I keep gettig these weird bug bites on my hand and feet. They itch but they don't look like mosquito bites. It worries me a little. I noticed that the bites are on areas where there are no bones like the achilles area or in between my thumb and index fingers. I have been spending more time outside that I used to so that might be the thing and I've been wearing sandals and having my hands near the grass, so I am sure that is how I got them. I just think that it is interesting that they are positioned where they are.

I talked to my sister today and she pretty much told me that I was a waste of space and kept on talking like I wasn't supposed to have a reaction. As I said once before, when people say negative things about me, I tend to believe them because they are my family and they know me better than I know myself. So it hurts to hear that I am useless. It hurts. Thanks sis.

Proud

Pride is one of the seven deadly sins, but apparently it is a sin to have any sort of good regard for yourself or feel that you deserve a bit of extra pampering. (That is a completely other topic) These are the things of which I am proud.

I survived the Hill School and graduated
I got into and graduated from college
I have a really great singing voice
I make really cool collages
I'm really good at controlling my anger (really comes in handy at work)
I was captain of the Girls Track and Field team (the throwers)
Every other kid at the day care loves me
I speak 3 languages, technically
I'm pretty well read
I'm a good girl
I'm responsible


Not a very long list but it is growing gradually.

What are some the things that make you proud?

Stream of Consciousness

I don't have a damn thing to talk about. Right now I am eating my second bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and watching Glee. This show is ridiculously hilarious. The girl who plays Rachel looks like Idina Menzel and the main actor is soooo cute. I wouldn't mind hanging out with him for a few hours.

I wish there was a community theater here that I could be a part of. There probably is, but I'm not exactly looking (I should be). I'm just getting sick of doing the same crap all of the time. (Oh my goodness, why were the football players doing the Beyonce Single ladies dance?)

My head hurts, that time is coming soon, boo! they are dancing on the field, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
That made my day
Aww, Beyonce helped them win the game
mybe my head is hurting because I need to go to the dentist. I haven't been to one in 4 years.
I need to get my car inspected before this month is over. And I need to get an oil change.
I was watching (ooh yay, Kristin Chenoweth is going to be on it, how funny is that since her and Idina Menzel are friends) that movie with Brenden Fraser "Center of the Earth" and I was thinking how cool that would be, minus the dinosaurs of course.

"It's ten pm, do you know where your children are?" HAHA, that cracks me up every time.

Ok, it's bed time.

UGH!!!

I miss my best friends, Charlie, Kim and Mollie. If I were normal, I would just contact them or go see them, but they are too far away for my comfort and I hate talking on the phone. (I left that out of yesterdays list, i think)

Work is frustrating and I have no one to vent to (that is why I write here). Since no one ready this anyway, I figure I could write the most embarrassing thing about me and no one will know.

I'm tired.

Not favorite

Here is a list of things that I REALLY do not like


Talking on the phone
People asking me for favors
People who make their significant others feel like they aren't good enough
Repetitiveness
Clusters of dots
Bossiness
Ignorance
Bad Grammar
Dudes that wear their pants under their arses
People who get mad when you say no
Skinny people who pick at their bellies saying that they are fat
Teachers who make you feel stupid
Hypocrites
My boss
Money
Politicians
Religious Zealots
Criminals
People on welfare that keep having babies
Lacking Insurance
Bills
Heat
Warmongers
Time

And on that note, I must go to bed. Good night

Favorites

Just a long list of things (people) that are my favorites

Man- JC Chasez
Food- Bacon
Color- Purple
Actress- Kate Winslet
Author-Jane Austen
Male Singer- Josh Groban
Play- Wicked (the musical)
Movie- The Holiday and Sense and Sensibility
Book Series turned Movie- Harry Potter
Young Adult Author- John Green and Maureen Johnson
Flower- Pink Gerbera Daisies
Drink- Gin and Tonic and Sour Apple Martini
Female singer- Whitney Houston and Celine Dion
Scent- Lavender
Places I've visited- London
Places I'd like to visit- Paris
Time I'd like to visit- Regency England
Ice Cream- Cookies and cream and Chocolate Chip cookie Dough
Junk Food- Utz Sour Cream and Onion Chips\
Fictional Couple- Lizzy Bennet and Fitzwilliam Darcy
Foreign film- Amelie
Memory- All the good ones with PGVB (makes me sad)
Sport- Soccer and Track and Field
Way to pamper myself- pedicures and a new book
Date I've been on- Olive Garden with the "orange" rose and tiramasu
Dessert- Millefeuille
Tv show- Charmed and Gilmore girls
Painter- Leonardo DaVinci
Modern Painter- Shano
Actor- Colin firth
Season- Spring
Super Hero- MMPR's Pink and White ranger
Emotion- School-girl giddy
State of being- Sleep

On that note, good night all.

Arranged Marriages

Last night, I had a dream that my parents wanted to arrange my marriage. They found me a guy whom they thought was perfect for me and I was supposed to marry. Apparently I was happy with their choice and I had a long and happy life with the man.

It got me thinking about marriage and why people look down on arranged ones. I used to think that love was a huge deal and I could never marry someone if I wasn't in love with him. Now, I think that respect, common interests and a general sense of compassion are all you need. Modern marriages are so unsuccessful and I don't want that in my future. I refuse to get divorced. Love is so fickle and it makes me sad to know that marriages have failed because the couple "fell out of love". That is just an excuse. They just don't want to be together anymore or they've met someone else that they believe might be better. If their marriage was based entirely on "love" and the love was suddenly not there anymore, then what do they have?
NOTHING!!!

Maybe arranged marriages aren't such a bad thing. Your parents watched you grow up, they know your general interests and the kind of people you like (if they are good parents) so maybe they would be good people to find you a mate. Actually, I don't know. I want to be able to find someone for myself but all of the ones that I pick have been crap or too far away and I refuse to believe that I am meant to be alone. I'm just so sick of wanting this so bad when there is a possibility that I won't get it at all.

Here is where I become 2 years old. I just want someone to hold my hand and kiss my boo boos and tell me that everything will be alright.

(No wonder the movies don't tell you what happens after the couple gets together)

A long day

It certainly has been a long and tiresome day. I almost passed out at work, today. When you combine heat, no air flow, hunger, florescent lighting and excessive movement, you get an effect that almost feels like a hang over.

I had to work with the younger toddlers for the third time this week and I was exhausted. Keeping in mind that I wake up at 5am, eat at 5:30am and then have my lunch at 12pm, one can imagine that by 10:30am I was starving and feeling lightheaded after having chased 13 children on the playground (in 60 something degree weather and entering into a classroom that was 80 something degrees). Drastic temperature changes are very bad to me. My head and my back were hurting like crazy. I felt like the air was stinging my skin.

Nothing helped. I had water, nope. A muffin, nope. A 45 minute nap during my lunch break, nope.

After work, I took another nap, which helped a little and then I did something rather dumb. I went to the movies to see Love Happens, which didn't really have a lot of love happening, and surprisingly enough, I feel better. I don't know how , but I do. So now, I'm just going to relax in my not very comfortable bed and see if I can have a good dream, unlike last night. Heidi, Spencer, Will Robinson and Damon from the Vampire Diaries were all trying to kill me. Crazy as hell, right? No wonder I was feeling like crap today.

A few quotations

I was digging for something to write about and I stumbled upon a few quotations that I collected (yeah, I collect quotations, business cards and movie ticket stubs).

This is a quotation that I really should keep to heart.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."- Elinor Roosevelt
If you read yesterday's blog, which was uber ridiculous, you would understand why that one is important to me.

This is a quotation that I feel should be the motto of current leaders but so totally isn't .
"The virtuous leader can pass among his subjects with the ease of the wind."- Confucious
I should let my boss know that one, maybe everyone would hate her less.

Here is some advice for the gentlemen on how to treat a lady.
"Woo her. Admire her. Make her feel like the most sublime creature on Earth." Gomez Addams (Addams Family values)
It's a given!!!

Finally, here is something that all of us who feel down in the dumps should think about.
"Insanity is being shit on, beat down, coasting through life on a miserable existence when you have a caged lion locked inside and the key to release it."-Morgan Freeman's character from "Wanted"
Even though he was the villain in the film, he has a point. Knowing that we have the power to do things, good things, and not doing anything about it is madness.

Well, I just wanted to share that with you. Have a good night.

Stressssssss

Is it bad that I am hoping the day care shuts down? Today was such a horrible day and I don't think I can repeat it without going crazy. I need to go back to school or something because I see no future for myself. I'm so busy thinking about other people and what they want that I don't have a real chance to think about myself and what I really want for myself. I've always done what was expected of me. My real problem is that I have no determination, no drive. I've lost my passion for life. I used to be this kid who smiled all of the time. I would strut around thinking I was so cute, thinking I was the shit and now, I don't go anywhere, I don't really hang out with anyone.

I'm probably turning you all off from me, but I have to be honest. You're probably thinking, "well if you think you suck so much, why should we read your blog and bother with anything you do?"
Because I need you to prove me wrong. I'm so used to boosting other people up and I'm stuck here on the bottom. That is how I feel at home, at work and with friends.

Ugh! I shouldn't be writing that. Completely disregard all of that nonsense up there. My life is great, there is nothing wrong with it. I can boost myself up, I can't rely on other people to do it for me. Ok, that's it, I gotta "do me"!

Wish me luck! (thanks for letting me rant, I'm sure it was annoying)

No Good Deed Goes Unpunnished

Why is it that whenever someone does something good, people think that there is a hidden agenda? People are sooooo not trusting.

I remember an episode of Friends where Phoebe tried to do a good and selfless deed and completely failed. Is it possible to do a good deed and not receive some sort of reward? Is it possible to do something good and remain neutral?

I don't think that it is possible because people like feeling appreciated and when you do something good, you are appreciated.




I just wanted an excuse to share my two favorite "Wicked" songs. Whenever I decide to quit my job, I'll leave singing "Defying Gravity".

Drunkenness

I needed this. I needed to get a little intoxicated tonight. Stress and craziness are invading my life right now, and even though I don't condone it, I think that I need to let loose, and have fun a little bit.

I am sure that in the morning I am going to be in pain and dreading having to go to work, but that is just something I am going to have to deal with. My friend C called me and asked me if I wanted to get wasted tonight and I was like, "what else am I going to do tonight?" so that is what I am doing. Pictures were taken, but they are too embarrassing for others to see. Ok, I'm not really drunk, I'm tipsy. I can say my alphabet backwards and I can walk in a straight line touching my nose.

Don't lose respect for me because I indulged a little. I never indulge. I am always the good girl. I'm the "as you wish" girl. I'm getting sick of it. I need to quit my job. I need to go to New York and get discovered or something. I'm sick of being mundane.

A happy topic!!!

DEATH!!!

What's it like? What happens afterwards? Do you really see a light? What about the life? The body is no longer functioning, but what happens to the essence? I don't mind waiting to find out these answers, but I'm really curious. I just refuse to believe that after I die, there's nothing else. I want to believe that death is like an everlasting sleep. After death would be and ever-dreamland or something. I don't want to deal with this heaven/hell business and I really don't want to be a ghost because that would mean that I would be stuck on this earth. That would totally suck.

I have a few theories:

1. Afterlife is like an ever-dream
2. The whole seeing the light thing is us going through the birth canal and we are reborn.
3. Time isn't linear, but loopy. Dying is waking up from a sleep and suddenly you are your 5 year old self... again.
4. Combo of 2 and 3- We are reborn as a person in the far past or in the far future.
5. We are all computers and we just don't work anymore so there is nothing afterwards.

I would like to hear some of your theories. This is fun. Thinking up ideas of what happens after we die. I just don't accept the idea of standing in a long line for eternity and then have some dude with a book (who's not allowed in, mind you) tell you whether you can or can't go to Heaven. What is Heaven anyway? Sorry J, but it all sounds boring, there's got to be something different.

I didn't want to write about religion, but when it comes to death, I guess it kinda plays a part.

Crap Weekend

Today was a crazy lazy day. All I did was sit around and read or watch television. At least my body is relaxing, though it would be nice to have someone around to talk to. Phone calls with my sister don't count because she does all of the talking and I can't get a word in. My friends here are mostly work friends and I guess I'm not worthy to talk to outside of work (I don't really mind it though, because that is just too much drama and I don't want to be reminded of work when I'm not there).

I am dreading going to church tomorrow. I have to canter, so that means I have to introduce all of the songs and sing the psalm alone so that everyone can hear it. I don't mind the singing, it's the looks that people give me afterwards like they are surprised that I have a nice voice. (I don't take compliments well, mostly 'cause I think they are lying.) I also don't like getting involved in things that I would rather have as a tiny part of my life. Church, for me, is just one hour out of the week where I just sit and think.

Rehearsals take more time than an actual mass and everything is unorganized. The choir director is flakey and looks like a hobbit (sorry Bilbo, no offense). She's not very good at leading. Everything seems forced and I reeeeeaaallllyyyy want to quit, but i don't think I will be able to find another singing outlet. I feel like I could be doing more with my voice than just normal church stuff. Plus, it really bothers me that we don't even warm up.

Imagine waking up at 7am, you are the only one in the house. You shower, you eat breakfast, you watch television, you read. You haven't used your voice AT ALL, then you go to choir rehearsal at 11:30 and you are expected to sing and sound great sans warming up. Unh Unh! I don't think so! People look at you because you are cracking and you can't quite reach that note knowing very well that you can reach higher notes AFTER HAVING WARMED UP PROPERLY!!!!!!!!!!!

It really sucks to be alone and lonely.

Post 100

For my 100th post, I would like to write about something that is very close to my heart. My hair. My hair and I have gone through a lot together. Permanents, relaxers, braids, twists, dramatic cuts and now, it's growing out naturally.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Seriously? You're going to write about your hair? Seriously?"

Well, my hair is a symbol for all of the changes that have happened in my life. When I was 9, my mom made me permanently straighten my hair because it was too coarse for her. It was nice and long and beautiful and well taken care of. When I got to high school (boarding school) I had to learn to take care of myself and that is when my hair started to fall out and get split ends. i didn't have the resources to take good care of my hair. When it comes to African American women, hair care is very very important. Anyway, in college I cut all of my hair off and let it grow back naturally. So it's been six years since I cut my hair and I love the way that it is and even though people keep telling me to permanently straighten it again. I tell them, NO.

As weird as it may sound, I think that they way that I treated my hair reflects the way that I felt about myself. When I was younger, my parents had control over me. When I got to high school, I had to learn to take over and I did a horrible job at it. When I got to college, I didn't like the way that i was so I had to start from scratch. Cutting my hair was my fresh start. I like the way that my hair turned out, but my "fresh start" didn't turn out so hot. Ugh! Frustration.

Mom/ Grandma/Sis

Just when I think that I can be comfortable around my mom, she does or says something that pisses me off. I love the woman, don't get me wrong, but we've grown up in different worlds. Things that were important to her are completely different than the things that are important to me. We have our moments when we can just hang out and be all mother-daughter together and there are moments when I can't stand to be around her. Ugh, and she wonders why I don't call often.

I'm scared for my Grandma. She's going to be 90 in March and she is not doing well. I know that death is inevitable, but for some juvenile reason, I believed that my grandparents were going to live for... ever. Ok, I'm five. Well,I have my dad's step-mom and my mom's mom left. So much for my grandparent's living forever. Anyway, I'm scared for my mom's mom because for some reason, I keep having these visions of receiving a phone call telling me that she is gone. I want her to see my future wedding pictures and hold my future child. She's already a great-grandmother and she was thrilled to find out that she was going to be one. Let's not count our chickens before they hatch. She's still alive and kicking and being her silly self. She's got 10 kids, 21 grandkids and 1 great-grand child so her legacy will live on.

Alright, some good news. My sister is doing BIG things! My big sister, Dr. K. R. (sorry, I don't want people to google her and find this) is going to be in Maryland, working for the FDA. She is so stressed out because her boss is being a dick, but soon, she will be done with him and she will come back home, well, to the east coast. She new exactly what she wanted, she wet for it and she got it. Boy was it so much fun growing up in her shadow (ok, that wasn't necessary).

Did Jane Austen write me?

I was just thinking about Jane Austen's leading ladies and how I relate to each of them. I haven't exactly had the happy endings like they did, but I still have time (I hope).

Northanger Abbey
Catherine Morland- Comes from a rather poor (and large) family. She goes to spend some time with family in another city. The only thing she knows about life outside of her home is what she reads in books. She loves to read (a little too much) and sometimes her sense of reality gets a little skewed. Now she is in an environment where she tries to fit in (my entire high school experience) and others remind her that she doesn't belong. She's extremely naive and she gets put in her place by someone who holds the highest regard for her (though she doesn't know it).

Mansfield Park
Fanny Price is a poor girl who is sent to live with her aunts, uncle and 4 cousins. She is the rock of the family even though she is constantly reminded that she isn't one if the immediate family members. She answers to her aunts' every command; her female cousins are bitches; her uncle is rather douchy and her cousin Tom is a drunk. The only ones there that genuinely care for her are her Aunt Bertram and her cousin Edmund. She feels obligated to do everything that her family wants and they continue to lack appreciation for her. The minute she makes a decision that she feels is right for her, they make her feel like an ungrateful fool.

Emma
Harriet Smith isn't the leading lady, infact, she's kind of a nobody. Her "best friend" is trying to change who she is and the things (people) that she likes. Harriet become a bit of a puppet and is manipulated into loving someone that she would not normally have. Things turn out good for her in the end, but that was by sheer luck.

Sense and Sensibility
Marianne Dashwood is the young songbird that refuses to hide her emotions and Elenor Dashwood is the responsible older sister who keeps her emotions to herself. They lose their father, their home and the men that they love because MEN ARE IDIOTS!!! (oops stupid caps lock key got stuck). Marianne is crying nonstop everywhere she goes and Elenor keeps a brave face. They learn to move on from their situations after a whole lot of drama. Happy ending!!

Persuasion
Anne Elliot has a crappy family. They are all douchy douche bags who only care about their social standing (even though they are in debt). Anne found the love of her life when she was younger but her Godmother told her not to marry him cause she was too young and he was a poor sailor. Years pass, he's back in her life and he's pissed at her. Everytime they are around each other he makes a point in saying that he can't stand it when people are easily persuaded. She feels like crap but she never ever ever stopped loving him.

Pride and Prejudice
Mary Bennet (you thought I was going to say Lizzy, didn't you?) is the unfortunate middle sister of 5. Not very pretty, not very talented no matter how much she practices, and apparently not all that important to the story because everytime she makes a comment they all just laugh at her. Her two older sisters get attention by being perfect and her two younger sisters get attention by being ridiculous so she tries to get attention by being artsy and profound. They don't care, though.

Except for Mary, they all get a happy ending. Still waiting for mine!

Books are good

Don't tell me what and what not to read!!!

I like books because they entertain me and the books like me because I give them a good home on my shelf.
Books help to broaden our minds and open our eyes to new things, but when someone says not to read certain things then we become close-minded. Just because there are witches, wizards, magic and vampires in these books doesn't mean they are evil. The characters may be evil, but the books themselves are not. I'm getting sick of hearing about people burning books and all that nonsense because the stories contain some "different" things. Do you think that burning these books is hurting the author, it's not. It's giving them notoriety and you have to buy the books to burn them, so you are giving them money. Author still wins and you look stupid.

(ok, not feeling up to par today. boo mother nature)

Family, only in moderation

I didn't get to do much reading this weekend because my family was here and they annoyed the business out of me. I feel like I have this obligation to be unoccupied while they are here so that I am free to do whatever it is that they need me to do. I sound like a crazy annoying teenager right now but I didn't have a normal teenage life so now is when I feel the need to be all " Moooooommm, you're embaaaarassssinnnngggg meeeeeee".

We took care of pool stuff and I watched "Dance your ass off" on Oxygen (I am more determined than ever to work it out) and read the book that I should have finished on Saturday. I will finish it tonight, even if I have to stay up late.

Obviously, I didn't have much to talk about today, maybe it is because I am dreading having to go to work tomorrow and my mind just wants to do nothing for a little while longer.

Apology

I'm sorry the last couple of posts were, well, WHACK, but I have been ridiculously tired and my parents are here spending the long weekend, so I have to answer to their every command. I have so much stuff to do with the pool and they don't know how to help me (they don't want to help me). They grew up in the islands and they are used to warm weather, so they don't want to put on the air conditioner. I, on the other hand, and dying of heat exhaustion and they don't care. Whatever.

I had to babysit last night. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Two kids, a 3 yr old and a 2 yr old, they are sweet kids and disgustingly cute except for when it's bed time. I've lost my ability to sympathize with children because I have to deal with them everyday so when a child cries for his or her mommy, I just wait it out to the point where the crying sounds like background music.


In other news, we went in the pool today. Finally!! After having the thing for over 2 months, my dad, my brother and I went in it. Well, the guys went in it, I only had my legs in it. At least now we can say that we went in it at some point this summer.

At church today, while the priest was giving his homily, I was busy spacing out (after my sister called me and my cell was ringing loudly, Thanks K). I was thinking about the whole "Gay is bad" situation and why it makes absolutely no sense to me. If God didn't want Homosexuals on Earth, than why did he put them here? I thought God could do everything, couldn't he make everyone heterosexual?

They say that we were sent here to "be fruitful and multiply" and that is the whole reason why homosexuality is wrong. If that is the case then why are there so many barren and infertile women out there? Why are there so many men out there with low sperm counts and are sterile? Well it's alright for them because they can adopt, right? They can have surrogate mothers, right? What about the gay and lesbian couples out there that desperately want and deserve families of their own? They are looked down upon because it is believed that they will not provide a stable home for the children. The children will be confused.

What about all of the children out there with no parents to love them. All of the abandoned children, the crack babies, the abused children, the children who are sold into slavery. The children in African countries and in Haiti and all those places where you see the commercials that make you want to change the channel. I see no reason why or how those child will become confused or unstable just because they have two fathers or two mothers. Those children would settle for one parent just as long as they were receiving love, food and shelter. But, no! These adults are gay and they shouldn't have the right to have children, even if they are in a stable relationship and have awesome jobs and homes.

Speaking of stable relationships, what is this nonsense about not allowing homosexuals to marry? If they want to eff their lives up, then let them. Oh no, marriage is sacred. Bull!! If marriage was so sacred then why do more than half of marriages end in divorce? Why is there so much infidelity? Why are there so many children out of wedlock? Why are there so many people out there working on their seventh marriage? Oy! It really ruffles my feathers to see someone struggle so hard to be able to have a right that they would have had if they didn't love differently and then see someone who has that right abusing it.

It's just like money. There are so many families out there who struggle to make ends meet and there are people out there who have loads of money and they spend it on completely unnecessary things. Seriously, where do they get all of that money for the lottery? I think there are better things that could be done with that cash, don't you? (Now I'm actually curious about what goes on with that lottery money.)

I need your opinions on this, gay rights and money.

Holy Moly

Ok what can I write in 7 minutes?

Today, I talked to someone I haven't seen or spoken to in 10 years. He and I went to high school together. I was a freshman and he was a junior and he was only there for one year. He was such a cool dude (I had a crush on him, I told him that today too). Well, we talked about old times, stuff that happened after he left. He tried (and succeeded) to pry into my personal life. I think we talked for about 3 hours and it was a breath of fresh air.

After that, I helped my mom fix up some fruit for a b-day party and then we went to said b-day party and then I babysat for my favorite student and his evil big sister.

Now I have a migrain and it's midnight.

Annoying

I just wanted to know if anyone has had an original though lately. This seems to be the era of the Vampires. There's True Blood, Blood Ties, Vampire Diaries, The House of Night book series, Twilight book series, Mr. Darcy: Vampyre and I'm sure there's more.

Don't get me wrong, Vampires are sexy and I love the idea and everything, but Jeez. One person has to come out with a Vampire thing so everyone has to come out with a Vampire thing.

Just like the crazy Penguin Era: March of the Penguins, Happy Feet and those crazy Madagascar Penguins.

That's all I've got, I'm not really in a writing mood (can you believe it?). Sorry.

Travel

Here are some places that I would like to visit.

Tokyo

Sydney

Paris

Munich

Dublin

Athens

Now all I need are plane tickets.

Who likes random? I do, I do!

Have you ever thought about something that was totally hilarious and burst out with laughter and had the people around you look at you funny?

Don't you hate it when you are lost in thought and some one asks you what you are thinking about. You finally tell that person after a couple minutes of ridiculous begging, that person responds with, "Oh" like you just wasted that person's time?

Why is it that your friends are busy trying to get you in a relationship and the minute you're in one, they are the first ones to tell you that the person you are with is scum?

My views on music- A song is rather fast paced, danceable, upbeat, contains a catchy tune, contains lyrics about falling in love or having fun with friends, but when a black person sings it, it's called R&B; when a white person sings it, it's called Pop.
A song is too fast paced to be danceable, angry at times and raunchy at times, the lyrics aren't sung but are spoken or screamed in a way that makes the words completely indecipherable, music videos contain women in bikinis. If the song was done by a black person, it's Rap; if it was done by a whit person, it's Rock and Roll.
A song is rather slow and soulful, big emphasis on the instrumentals, lyrics are either depressing or sensual, singer has an interesting voice. Black person, Soul or Blues; white person, Emo or Indie.

We're all singing the same stuff the same way so why does there have to be different classifications?

Alrighty, I think that is all I have for today.

Advice on Acceptance

It seems to me that all of the best advice that has ever been given has been given to children. Throughout time, children have been running around believing that they can be whatever they want to be when they grow up. They believe that when they get older, they will be the strongest, bravest, smartest, etc. person in the whole world. Finally when they do get older, the people who told them to dream big are the same people who are now saying that their dreams mean absolutely nothing. One can no longer be who he or she wants to be. In order to succeed, one must conform, walk the straight and narrow, fit an unfittable mold that society constructs. Now, we, as adults, are unable to dream as we did when we were children. We are no longer able to be ourselves.

To heck with that. The crazy blond lady in the film "Under the Tuscan Sun" said it best when she said, "Never lose your childish innocence".

In my opinion, the biggest problem that we are facing today, a problem that I believe is the root of a lot of our other problems, is the inability to be accepting. Of course, there is a line that needs to be drawn when it comes to ethical issues, but when we look at our history, I think we will find a multitude of things that could have been prevented if we were able to be more accepting.

Here is some advice that today's children might recognize and may be helpful for adults.

Self Acceptance- Barney the Purple Dinosaur had it right when he had his friends sing "You are special! You're the only one; you're the only one like you. There is no other in the whole wide world who can do the things you do."

Acceptance of others- At risk of completely contradicting what Barney had to say, Raffi sings, "Each one is much like another. A child of a mother and a father. A very special son or daughter, a lot like me and you."

The Acceptance of new things and ideas- Well I think that Pippi Longstocking would have a thing or two to say about that. Maybe something along the lines of "Just because something is new and different doesn't mean it has to be bad."

Acceptance of unwanted outcomes- Stephanie from Lazytown sings, "There is always a way, you gotta know you can make it. There is always a way. You gotta believe in yourself. Soon you'll be shining 'cause you never stopped trying. Really believe there is always a way."


Here's a cute little video to make you smile

Stories, BEDS, Backyard and Jerk

At risk of sounding like the Award Winning Author, John Green, this blog comes in 4 parts.

Part one- I think I came up with a pretty good idea for a children's book series. It will (if I see this through) be based on me as a kid and my family. So far, it is just an idea. I haven't written anything down yet, but I think that if I make this idea something that isn't just "in my head", I will get the courage and inspiration to see this idea through. I tend to be a little half ass when it comes to ideas. I start writing stuff down but then I don't finish. I have a pretty long list of story ideas that I haven't even touched, and I have a few stories that I've started, but haven't finished. I would like to publish a book of all of my short stories, one day. I need to get cracking, especially if my job is going to be as flighty as it is right now. There's a chance that I might be unemployed by December, but I don't want to get into that right now.

Part two- Once upon a time there was a wonderful thing called Blog Everyday April or BEDA that was cooked up by the lovely and multi-talented authoress, Maureen Johnson. A few months ago, Ms. Johnson decided to get her friends and her fans to write a blog entry every day in the month of April of this year. For those people who didn't have a blog of their own, Ms. Johnson created a social networking site on the Ning where people were able to post their blogs. Not only did this project inspire people to write, but it also reminded people that they have voices and important things to say. I remember thoroughly enjoying that experience and I would like to do it again. Starting on Tuesday, I will be blogging everyday in September. Hopefully I will have things to write about, but looking for things to write about is part of the writing process.

Part three- My backyard looks like a hot ghetto mess and I am pissed off about it. Since June 26th, my backyard has been going through some changes so that my family can fulfill the American Dream and have a pool. First, there was a huge rectangular hole and a mountain of dirt. Then there was a huge empty pool in the huge rectangular hole and a mountain of dirt. And now, tow months later, there is a huge filled in pool still in a huge rectangular hole and still with a mountain of dirt that now has about 3 feet of greenery. If Mother Nature wasn't so damned bi-polar this summer, the backyard would have been done and i would have been swimming happily, but no. I'm pissed, Mom's horrified and Pop is "whatever". My sister is so lucky that when she comes home, she'll only have to deal with the finished product, whereas my unlucky ass has to be the one to deal with it everyday.

September better be good to me.

Part 4- Guess who thought it would be alright to follow me on Twitter! That low-life SOB who impregnated and then married the 19 year old sans letting me know about it while flirting with me. if you've read my past posts, you will know whom I mean. So what did I do about it? I blocked his ass! Crisis averted :)

Who needs an update?

We do! Too bad there isn't really anything all that worth telling or writing. There's a chance that I might be jobless in December because of all of this Title twenty business. The budget hasn't been decided and my boos isn't getting paid for all of the Title twenty kids so there just may be danger up ahead for my job. Is it bad that I'm not really all that sad about that outcome? The way I look at it, it's my way out. I won't ever have to deal with that business again and hopefully I will never work in that field again. I would like it if it was real teaching, but it isn't so to heck with it.

Moving on, I got a new computer and it is so cute and small. It has a lot of space though, so I am happy about that. I can finally get to my writing again. My work-out plan is going alright and it seems to be working. I'm finally getting my cable hooked up tomorrow; I had to live with no television for two weeks. I don't know which was harder, a month with no computer or two weeks with no tv or that connecting week and a half with neither. No one seems to genuinely care though, just as long as I stay out of their hair they can show me their faux sympathy. At least I had my dvd player. First there was the Harry Potter marathon then there was everything related to Jane Austen. Two versions of Pride and Prejudice, Persuasion, Clueless, Bridget Jones, Jane Austen book club, Becoming Jane Sense and Sensibility. So much, but it was all great.

I finished my House of Night novels and then I read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, now I'm reading the Sookie Stackhouse novels.

Books vs. Real Life

I was looking through a few of my favorite blogs and it got me thinking. Most of the blogs I like are Jane Austen related and one of them asked readers why they enjoyed Jane Austen so much. I began to imagine myself as Elizabeth Bennet or Marianne Dashwood being courted by different men and then finding their true loves and living happily ever after. Then reality would strike and I would remember their living situations and the situations of all women (don't even get me started on BLACK women) in 19th Century England.

So instead of looking at why I love Jane Austen's stories, I thought about why I love all the stories that I love.

1. Every story is a love story.
2. Every girl has that awesome best friend.
3. It's obvious who the gentlemen are and who the pigs are.
4. The good guys win and the bad guys get what they deserve.
5. Kisses are always passionate, gazes are always long and embraces are always tight.
6. There is always a "fairy godmother" type person.
7. Even the plain girls find love.
8. The guy who tells the girl that she isn't good enough for him doesn't find anyone better.
9. Memorable adventures are being had.
10. When people die, they aren't really gone.
11. There's always at least one parent who is on the hero(ine)'s side.
12. The stereotypically beautiful ones don't always win.
13. Someone has learned a lesson
14. Someone taught someone a lesson
15. Self discovery
16. Wrongs are righted
17. It's good to be witty
18. Everyone plays and important role.
19. There's always at least one genuinely "pure and innocent" character
20. Everyone's speech is grammatically correct.

There are tons more reasons why I love the books that I read and the main one of them all is that there is always one character whose life I can live for a few hours here and there.

Major Fail, or is it?

My birthday is next week and I am nowhere near reaching my goal. I haven't given up, per se, I'm just taking my time and... oh who am I kidding, I'm procrastinating and I take pleasure in it. I like it when people look at me in that "what the hell are you waiting for?" manner. Why, you ask? Well, it is simple. I would rather have people have no faith in me and prove them wrong than have people believe in me and disappoint them.

On a related note, my boss told me of an opportunity where I could have a better position and better pay if I were to get my CDA (child development associate). Since I already have my bachelor's degree and am the smartest person there, it would make the day care look even better and I would get what I deserve.

The reason why I have the crappy position that I have now is because I don't have any education in education, Early childhood education to be exact. Even though I've gone to numerous trainings on how to make observations and mastering the PA Keys learning standards, I still have to take classes. So my boss told me that in order to get the CDA, I just have to take 3 courses and I wouldn't have to pay for them if I applied for a scholarship through TEACH. Sounds good, right? Well, here's the catch. After I take these classes and get this "degree" I would HAVE to stay at the day care for another year. If I were to leave in any time less than a year, I would have repay EVERY CENT of the scholarship money. This is where I have reservations. It is bad enough that I've worked there for 2 years but if I want to get my CDA for free I would have to stay there for another year and a half. (The semester doesn't start till the fall, so that explains the extra half year.)

I talked to my sister about this and she said that I should get it, but I should pay for it myself so I won't be tied to the day care. I wouldn't mind this idea if my current pay was better, however it is not so...

And the whole point of me getting the CDA (my personal reasoning, not my boss's) is so that I can get paid better at the day care. Which means that if I want to enjoy te higher pay I would have to stay there anyway. I am going to tell you right now, I am not going to leave that day care just to go to another one. Pshh! It's bad enough that I have to work at one at all.

On to things that I really want to do in life. I started two short stories and they seem promising. I'm drawing my sister as a cancer-curing super hero. I showed her a rough draft and she wants me to draw her cuter. Choir is going alright but they are trying to be all social and stuff, which isn't cool. The best artists are reclusive and borderline hermit-ish. I'm weird and socially awkward, please don't throw me to the public, unless it has something to do with me showing off my gifts.

I'm not all that socially awkward; I'm pretty funny. I just sing a lot, so be prepared.

update

Ok, so I totally failed in my personal challenge thingy-majiger. I like food too much.

I had a pretty good weekend with my parents. They didn't annoy me as much as they usually do, but it was too beautiful outside for them to be arses. We did some gardening and my aunt and uncle came over for hot wings, pizza and Celine Dion. She really knows how to bring a family together. My dad is set on getting a pool in the backyard, so that is in the works right now.

We are planning a bbq for my b-day/4th of July/mom's b-day and I only have about 3 or 4 people that I want to come. I don't really want anything special for my birthday except for a tiara. lol!

I'm watching the MTV movie awards right now and it is ridiculous. I had no idea that they could day "dick" on tv and the whole business with Sasha Baron Cohen and his ass in Eminem's face was just awkward. More awkward than Kristen Stewart dropping her award or the whole Ben Stiller thing.

It was a good weekend, but I didn't do laundry, boo me.

Kohls/Driving/CiCi's

Hi Everyone

My weekend was pretty interesting. I went to my aunt Renee's birthday party on Saturday and I was about to go there without a gift for her. I realized that would have been a terrible faux-pas so I went to Kohls and got her a gold earring and necklace set that was really pretty. I saw a lot of stuff that I liked for her, but I thought that gold would look better on her because of her dark skin. Well anyway, price was an issue because I just gave my parents rent money so I'm kinda skint where money is concerned. When I picked out the earring and necklace set, I thought, "hmm, $18 is not so bad. Then I get up to the register ready to shell out 18 bucks and the dude said "That'll be $2.97"

Really? 2 dollars and 97 cents?

The guy says,"yeah, it's a clearance item."

I almost shouted to the heavens. "I love Kohls!!"

Now, I'm driving on PA33N to get to East Stroudsburg where my aunt and uncle live and I wouldn't say that I got lost, because I was in total control of where I was going. Though I will admit that I wasn't paying attention to the sign that said "keep left to stay on PA33N". I ended up on 209N and I was watching 33N get farther and farther left from me. I yelled a very loud "Sugar Honey Ice Tea". Then I calmed myself down and said, "alright, use your brain, just find somewhere to make a U turn and fix it." Don't you love it when your brain can just tell itself to hush up and calm down? Somewhere down 209, there was a stop light which means... INTERSECTION!!!

So I turned left, found somewhere to make a U turn and went back the other way. Now I'm on 209 south and i had to get back onto 33S and find a way to go back north. I DID NOT WANT TO TAKE AN EXIT because I didn't want to get lost. I was praying, Lord give me a legal U turn place. The Lord said, "No, just take an exit." So I did, and guess what, the exit to me to a perpendicular sort of intersection where I could only go left or right, not straight. If I went right I would go into whatever town it was. (I forget the name) If I went left I could get back to (wait for it) 33North!!!!! We have a winner!

Went left and back en route to my aunt's place. I got there and they live in a gated community so I had to get out and register and follow my uncle to the house because it was just very curvy and wind-y, so I was lucky to have him find me and show me how to get to the place to register.

The party was nice and I got to see my cousin's and their cousins on the other side of the family. It was a rainy night but I really didn't want to sleep over so my cousins Reginald and Julio came back with me to sleep at my house. Their dad came the next day to pick them up and I had the rest of Sunday to myself.

Today was back to work and lameness, but my coworker and I decided to go to CiCi's pizza buffet for dinner with her daughter and her mother. It was a crazy experience. I had no idea that there were so many peppy people. I guess they all work at Cici's. As soon as I walked in there, the girl at the register shouted in my face "HI WELCOME TO CICI'S" and then all of the employees shouted, "HI WELCOME TO CICI'S"

I was scared for my life.

The pizza was good, the dessert was good, my pink lemonade was good the salad was good and when I walked out, they all shouted again, "THANK YOU FOR COMING!". When thinking about it, it is a good idea to be greeted enthusiastically, but when dining, do you really want to hear all of that shouting? It's not like there are a few people near the entrance/exit that greet the patrons, EVERYONE who works there greets the patrons. So I could be sitting having a conversation with someone and one of the workers would be cleaning the table next to us and then randomly burst out with a greeting. It's annoying. I am SO going there again!!!

alrighty! good nighty!

Tweet Tweet

So I fell off of the wagon over the weekend and had some Haitian food with the family because Sunday was Mothers Day. Although I had a bit of an off weekend, I am still determined to do this. I probably won't make my 20lb goal for my birthday, but I'm praying.

I'm on Twitter, as you might have noticed, and I'm a little obsessed. I'm following about 70 people and I'm being followed by 35 people (so far). I mostly twitter about what I'm watching or if I'm about to run an errand. I like thinking that someone out there cares. Someone out there is thinking, "what is Regine doing right at this moment?" Well now they have an answer. Yeah, Right! A girl can dream though, can't she? Well, if you stumble upon this blog and decide to read this, then my twitter name is LaBelleRiviere. Please follow me. If you want.

Start of a new "project"

So, as I mentioned before, I'm starting this new fitness thing for the Summer. although, technically May and most of June aren't part of the Summer, I figured why wait. And considering the weather lately, it might as well be Summer. Well I was going to start on Friday but, why go to the gym on the last weekday of the week even though it was the 1st of May? But then I felt bad about not starting when I should have so I did a little bit of stuff today.

Yesterday, I went to Wal-Mart with my reusable bags from Giant (turned inside-out so the scary Wal-Mart zombies won't hurt me) and bought my usual stuff, but instead of buying a bag of chips, I bought those ranch flavored rice cakes and I bought (don't hate me) diet pills. *shhhhh* They've worked for me before so I decided to give it another go, plus they are specially designed for women. (you know the ones I'm talking about)

Anyway, I am really looking forward to my little Summer "project" with this whole get fit business. I really hope I reach my goal. But I'm still taking it step-by-step. Hopefully, by my birthday I'll lose at least 20lbs. Wish me luck.
Oh, and don't think that this is some misguided attempt to fit society's norm of what is beautiful. I just want to be healthy, especially since I don't have health insurance, I have to do whatever I can to prevent any fat-related sickness. You know, high blood pressure/ cholesterol, diabetes, chub rub.

Well, I was going to wash my hair but there was no hot water. MAJOR FAIL! Now my fro is pulled back in a ponytail and it is gross. Don't judge.

MEME

DIRECTIONS:

- Go to Google image search.
- Type in your answer to each question.
- Choose a picture from the first page.
- Use this website (http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php) to make your collage.

QUESTIONS:

1. What is your name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What is your hometown?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. What is your favorite movie?
6. What is your favorite drink?
7. What is your dream vacation?
8. What is your favorite dessert?
9. What is one word to describe yourself?
10. How are you feeling right now?
11. What do you love most in the world?
12. What do you want to be when you grow up?
A cool meme that I found on my BEDA buddy's blog.

Last day of BEDA

It is the last day of the BEDA project and I have nothing cool to talk about. Doesn't that suck? Ooh, I know. I'll talk about the funniest thing that happened at work today.

So K just changed a baby names Schyler (pronounced Skyler)who had a poopy diaper and it left a not very friendly odor in the classroom. A parent comes in to pick up his kid and R comes walking in behind him and walks into the changing area and proceeds to say, "Ew, it smells like Shyler over here." (making fun of the spelling of the baby's name). The dad that walked in starts to laugh and says "oh I know what you mean, sometimes my kid shylers all up his back and it's a huge mess." We all look at him funny and then burst out laughing. R tells the dad that Shyler is one of the babies, not a euphemism for "shit". I, of course, could not control my laughter and all the teachers plus the dad were laughing like crazy because my laugh is so infectious.

A little bit later, K goes into her daughter's classroom and comes back with a plastic bag containing her daughter's underwear in it. K said, "my daughter told me that she was using the potty and forgot to take off her underwear." Again, dying of laughter. Another teacher, T goes on to say, "I've done that before." and R and I ask in unison, "Recently?" T says, "No, when I was a kid and sometimes when I'm half asleep." R, K and I look at each other and continue to laugh for the rest of the afternoon.


Well, it was a good April, so thank you to Maureen Johnson, my BEDA buddies and the need to write. I had a lot of fun with this and I can't wait till my next "adventure".