Very short update

I'm actually doing better now. In the job hunting department, anyway. I'm working out, writing and singing. Mostly, I'm trying not to go crazy. I'm trying to hold on for this weekend because we are going to Montreal to visit family for the long weekend. We are going to be celebrating my grandmother's 90th birthday even though that happened 3 months ago, but I guess it is never too late to celebrate.

I've been staying open-minded for my mother, but of course she remains to be her usual close-minded self. My poor father is trying very hard to be nice to me and I feel like I'm still being a b!%@# to him. Yesterday, he offered to buy me a new bedroom set (with money he doesn't have) and I just kinda brushed him off because Mom was being all "Don't buy anything for her, when she gets her money, she will buy her stuff herself." Then last night he was just trying to be a good father and I flipped out on him a little because he patted me on the head and we all know that I don't like to be touched especially when it makes me feel like a child. I would have let it slide if he and my mother weren't sort of ganging up on me about something stupid and telling me stuff that I already know.

Today, I decided to be a good girl and do some cleaning and be productive, but I doubt that will get me anywhere with the folks. I need a therapist, do you guys know a good free one?

Job hunting on Craigslist

Craigslist.org may seem like a very convenient place to find things like jobs, collectible action figures, and romantic encounters. It is, but it's important to be careful with what you find.

Along with any other website that has you exchanging you information with total strangers, it is a major risk and you have to learn how to sort out the phonies with the credible ones.

In my case, I'm looking for a job and there are tons of opportunities that are posted. Many of them seem promising, and the others seem odd. Whether they are legitimate opportunities or not, a lot of these postings lack so much important information.

When I look at a posting I expect to see:
Company Name and history
Position title and duties
Location (full address)
website
Salary info
Requirements for the job
Contact information

Unfortunately, many of these posts only give you the position name, requirements and maybe salary information. I've literally seem:

"Livingston office looking for Administrative Assistant. Must be Microsoft Office proficient. Must have a friendly demeanor and the ability to milti-task."

What the hell kind of job posting is that?

We, as job seekers, are taking a big risk by giving these invisible job providers our information. In no way am I trashing Craigslist. I know many people who have found great opportunities through the website. I just want to put it out there that the website is one of those things where you need to proceed with caution. Be optimistic, but don't put all of your eggs in one basket. We are intelligent people and it really sucks to get screwed over especially when we are trying to maintain hope in this seemingly hopeless job market.

Stay positive and optimistic.

The easy life

I think that we all know how easy it is to get stuck in a routine. Well right now, my routine is: get up, go on computer, stay on computer, watch tv and go to sleep. I am trying very hard to get out of that routine and it is even harder when I don't have someone who is in my corner in close proximity to me.

I've been applying for jobs in New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania and even Silver Spring, Maryland. I am slowly incorporating job hunting into my routine. I have a dream for myself but I know that right now is bill paying time. Although I want a job to help me stay financially stable, I also want something that will be fulfilling and beneficial to my career path. If I just wanted the money, I would have stayed where I was and dealt with being under payed and managed getting by.

I have to admit that I was very stupid when it came to quitting my job. I hadn't really planned on it, but I knew in my heart that was what I wanted to do. My dream is to take New York City by storm, but I have many years to do that (God willing). I understand that right now is meant for getting stable and secure so I gave in and decided to do that. I used to be this wide-eyed young girl who believed that it was important to follow one's dreams and live everyday like it's my last. Well, I still believe that it is important to live everyday like it's my last, but I also know that it is important to make this place livable in case today isn't my last day.

Now that my bank account is practically empty and there is no one else begging me to visit them, I have a lot of pressure and time to make this happen. Yesterday, I got a call from an insurance company and they want me to come in for an interview. Even though that is not what I want to do with my life, I am looking forward to this interview and the possibility of getting this job because there are so many things that I still need to learn. I am sure that this opportunity was put in my clutches for a reason and I am going to do my damnedest not to blow it.

Going back

I guess there is a reason why the weather is so gloomy today. At 1:30 pm today, I will be on a bus back to New Jersey and I really don't want to go. I have nothing to go to there. My mother made it clear how she felt about my presence. So I'm not looking forward to being back there. I'm making it my mission to be on top of my job hunt and hopefully it will take me out of New Jersey. I'm also going to be submitting my writing to certain places. I can't have any distractions anymore so who knows how often I'm going to be writing in here.

It's got to be everyday, but who knows.

I think I'm finally done running away from stuff and I am ready to get down to business. It's a really hard and scary thing knowing that you can run away as much as you want, but the real world is still out there waiting for you. The real world hasn't paused, so when you get back, it's going to be harder to deal with. you guys will probably read a lot more self deprecating posts before it gets better because I know exactly what I'm going to have to be facing when I get back.

!. Crazy mother
@. ridiculously unfruitful job market
#. living at home with the parents
$. bills that I CAN'T pay
%. The inability to go out and have fun with friends
^. Knowing that everyone I know is doing better than I am
&. The possibility that I might suck at writing and no one will publish me
*. Knowing that I'll probably never date again
(. I probably won't find a job before my 26th bday
). I'll be too stressed out to effectively continue losing weight


So much to worry about, which means I have to push it harder than I've ever done before.

This sucks!!!

Escape

I'm going to Silver Spring, Maryland on Saturday to visit my sister. I really need to get out of this house!!! My funds are running ridiculously low and I'm really trying to fix that situation even though my heart isn't in it. When I'm under the same roof with my parents, I don't feel like the 25 year old that I am. I feel like a 12 year old. I feel like I had more freedom when I was in boarding school. I wasn't exactly on my own, but I was able to think independently and creatively.

Now that I'm not working, I'm trying harder that ever to think independently and creatively, but I don't have the safety that I once had with high school and college. So now I am scared out of my mind. Right now, my excuse is that my mother is home because of her surgery and she needed me to help her around the house. She goes back to work on Monday so what will my excuse be then?

Well I'm going to be visiting my sister next week and that can help me with my procrastination a little bit longer, but bills and worn out clothes are weighing on me and sooner or later, I am going to have to face them.

Adulthood- My biggest fear

I'm still in the transition period where I'm trying to "find myself" but I have to be mature about it. Almost everyone I know is either engaged, married or married with children. I know that I'm not ready for that so I'm not jealous of those specific things. The thing that I am jealous and worried about is that everyone I know is getting on with their lives, and I feel stuck in one place just observing.

Well. Don't complain about it; do something!

I know, but that is easier said than done. I hope my sister can shake some sense into me because I am starting to feel hopeless.

You might have noticed that my last couple of posts have been Amazon-centric and that is because I am hoping that it might provide me with some funds. I don't exactly have much of an audience, so who knows if it will do any good anyway.

If you saw the 7x9 room with a water damaged wall that I have to sleep in, you would understand why I am so low.

Job hunting

I'm a half asser. I know what I need to do, but I don't put too much effort into it because I feel like it will come to nothing. I've been jog hunting, but not to the level where I should be because I hate interviewing and being judged. I hat the idea that I am going to meet someone for the first time, that person looks at my resume then asks me some dumb ass questions and decides that I'm not good enough for a job that monkeys could do.

Yes, I'm insecure. Yes, I'm being stupid right now. I felt so much better when I was in school. I felt more secure on a campus filled with people my age who were going through the same stuff as I was. I enjoyed learning. I may have been an average student, I blame my laziness on that, but at least I was doing something productive. I was getting an education.

I should have been like my sister and gone above and beyond with my education. I don't have as much passion in certain things as she does and I find myself constantly comparing myself to her. I shouldn't, but I do. She was the scientist, I was the English Major. I wish I had a passion for more practical things like science or math, but I don't. I love math, I did well in math and I find it a bit relaxing, but when I close my eyes and see myself, I'm not wearing a lab coat. I'm not sitting at a desk answering other people's phone calls. I'm standing in front of people, entertaining them in some way. People are reading my books, listening to my songs and buying my artwork. The Universe did not give me this my voice or my mind to keep it hidden just for me. When I sing, I do it so people can hear me.

Why can't I just go with my instinct? My brain is telling me to shape up and get the job. Get out of the house and work in some office. My heart is telling me that I won't be happy unless I'm doing what I love. I love to be artistic. I love to be creative. If Harold Camping is right, the world is ending next year which means I need to get cracking NOW!!!

Please don't think I'm weird, or do. Whatever. I'm just trying to find my niche in this effed up world. I know I'm not going to be on this planet forever and I can't predict when I'm going to go, so why not live like I'm dying?