I'm actually doing better now. In the job hunting department, anyway. I'm working out, writing and singing. Mostly, I'm trying not to go crazy. I'm trying to hold on for this weekend because we are going to Montreal to visit family for the long weekend. We are going to be celebrating my grandmother's 90th birthday even though that happened 3 months ago, but I guess it is never too late to celebrate.
I've been staying open-minded for my mother, but of course she remains to be her usual close-minded self. My poor father is trying very hard to be nice to me and I feel like I'm still being a b!%@# to him. Yesterday, he offered to buy me a new bedroom set (with money he doesn't have) and I just kinda brushed him off because Mom was being all "Don't buy anything for her, when she gets her money, she will buy her stuff herself." Then last night he was just trying to be a good father and I flipped out on him a little because he patted me on the head and we all know that I don't like to be touched especially when it makes me feel like a child. I would have let it slide if he and my mother weren't sort of ganging up on me about something stupid and telling me stuff that I already know.
Today, I decided to be a good girl and do some cleaning and be productive, but I doubt that will get me anywhere with the folks. I need a therapist, do you guys know a good free one?
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Monday, May 24, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Yes Ma'am. No Ma'am
Right now I feel like I am in the servant's quarters of the house although I am a few feet away from my cousin and his new wife. I'm not entirely sure how old they are (not older than 35) but the wife insists on calling me Honey like I'm 12. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt because she's just met me and she doesn't know yet. She seems very fashionable, nice and educated so I don't want to dislike her, especially since she is family now, but I have a feeling that if I met her on different terms, I probably would not like her. That's only because I'm not very nice to people I should be nice to.
I'm glad that my cousin has found himself a place in this country. He has a job, a wife and a home. He has definitely made something of himself. I remember when I first met him in Haiti 10 years ago. He looks a lot like my father, quite handsome, and he seemed very happy to have me as part of his family. I'm always happy to meet members of my family that I've never met before, but I don't like being treated like a child or being reminded of my life when I was a child.
My mother, in the presence of other Haitians, has a tendency to put me down. She loves to make my sister look like the awesome daughter who has the PhD and lives on her own. When she talks about me, on the other hand, I'm the daughter who "poco, fe demwazel". Apparently I'm not a presentable young woman yet. I'm sorry I'm not the kind of person who walks up and down the apartment looking for things to clean, meals to cook and people to serve.
According to my mother (I would add my father into these rantings but he is hardly ever around or involved to be relevant) I don't know how to speak Creole or French. Apparently I spoke Sign Language to my grandmother and my aunts when I visited them a few weeks ago.
I don't know why I always let this get to me, but I just hate the way that my mother makes people think of me. I don't enjoy having people say "keep your head up and stay focused. You'll get there." like I'm some charity case. I'm 25 years old. I may not have that awesome job yet, but I will.
All day today I've been the help. This morning I was the nanny to my brother. I made sure he was bathed, dressed and fed before school. I drove my mother to get her hair done and I waited there, annoyed, for 2 hours while she and her hairdresser yapped about the immorality of gay couples adopting children. (Apparently Christians would rather have children be orphaned by their straight parents than be saves, loved and taken care of by gay parents) By the time we got back home, my father was here and he brought some seafood (most of which I cannot eat because I am allergic) for his nephew that was scheduled to come at 3pm. After a few Regine, can you do this? Regine can you do that? I made some food for these cousins of mine. The food was cooked at 2:00, they didn't get here till 6.
I haven't heard the word please spoken sincerely since I've been here. I have, on the other hand, learned that I have two names. Regine for when I'm being scolded and Regina (emphasis on gi) for when she needs me to do something for her. Either way, I'm bummed.
I don't like how I'm constantly here complaining about stuff. I probably look like a pathetic ninny attached to my keyboard. I just don't have anything positive on which to report. I have hope.
I'm glad that my cousin has found himself a place in this country. He has a job, a wife and a home. He has definitely made something of himself. I remember when I first met him in Haiti 10 years ago. He looks a lot like my father, quite handsome, and he seemed very happy to have me as part of his family. I'm always happy to meet members of my family that I've never met before, but I don't like being treated like a child or being reminded of my life when I was a child.
My mother, in the presence of other Haitians, has a tendency to put me down. She loves to make my sister look like the awesome daughter who has the PhD and lives on her own. When she talks about me, on the other hand, I'm the daughter who "poco, fe demwazel". Apparently I'm not a presentable young woman yet. I'm sorry I'm not the kind of person who walks up and down the apartment looking for things to clean, meals to cook and people to serve.
According to my mother (I would add my father into these rantings but he is hardly ever around or involved to be relevant) I don't know how to speak Creole or French. Apparently I spoke Sign Language to my grandmother and my aunts when I visited them a few weeks ago.
I don't know why I always let this get to me, but I just hate the way that my mother makes people think of me. I don't enjoy having people say "keep your head up and stay focused. You'll get there." like I'm some charity case. I'm 25 years old. I may not have that awesome job yet, but I will.
All day today I've been the help. This morning I was the nanny to my brother. I made sure he was bathed, dressed and fed before school. I drove my mother to get her hair done and I waited there, annoyed, for 2 hours while she and her hairdresser yapped about the immorality of gay couples adopting children. (Apparently Christians would rather have children be orphaned by their straight parents than be saves, loved and taken care of by gay parents) By the time we got back home, my father was here and he brought some seafood (most of which I cannot eat because I am allergic) for his nephew that was scheduled to come at 3pm. After a few Regine, can you do this? Regine can you do that? I made some food for these cousins of mine. The food was cooked at 2:00, they didn't get here till 6.
I haven't heard the word please spoken sincerely since I've been here. I have, on the other hand, learned that I have two names. Regine for when I'm being scolded and Regina (emphasis on gi) for when she needs me to do something for her. Either way, I'm bummed.
I don't like how I'm constantly here complaining about stuff. I probably look like a pathetic ninny attached to my keyboard. I just don't have anything positive on which to report. I have hope.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Mom/ Grandma/Sis
Just when I think that I can be comfortable around my mom, she does or says something that pisses me off. I love the woman, don't get me wrong, but we've grown up in different worlds. Things that were important to her are completely different than the things that are important to me. We have our moments when we can just hang out and be all mother-daughter together and there are moments when I can't stand to be around her. Ugh, and she wonders why I don't call often.
I'm scared for my Grandma. She's going to be 90 in March and she is not doing well. I know that death is inevitable, but for some juvenile reason, I believed that my grandparents were going to live for... ever. Ok, I'm five. Well,I have my dad's step-mom and my mom's mom left. So much for my grandparent's living forever. Anyway, I'm scared for my mom's mom because for some reason, I keep having these visions of receiving a phone call telling me that she is gone. I want her to see my future wedding pictures and hold my future child. She's already a great-grandmother and she was thrilled to find out that she was going to be one. Let's not count our chickens before they hatch. She's still alive and kicking and being her silly self. She's got 10 kids, 21 grandkids and 1 great-grand child so her legacy will live on.
Alright, some good news. My sister is doing BIG things! My big sister, Dr. K. R. (sorry, I don't want people to google her and find this) is going to be in Maryland, working for the FDA. She is so stressed out because her boss is being a dick, but soon, she will be done with him and she will come back home, well, to the east coast. She new exactly what she wanted, she wet for it and she got it. Boy was it so much fun growing up in her shadow (ok, that wasn't necessary).
I'm scared for my Grandma. She's going to be 90 in March and she is not doing well. I know that death is inevitable, but for some juvenile reason, I believed that my grandparents were going to live for... ever. Ok, I'm five. Well,I have my dad's step-mom and my mom's mom left. So much for my grandparent's living forever. Anyway, I'm scared for my mom's mom because for some reason, I keep having these visions of receiving a phone call telling me that she is gone. I want her to see my future wedding pictures and hold my future child. She's already a great-grandmother and she was thrilled to find out that she was going to be one. Let's not count our chickens before they hatch. She's still alive and kicking and being her silly self. She's got 10 kids, 21 grandkids and 1 great-grand child so her legacy will live on.
Alright, some good news. My sister is doing BIG things! My big sister, Dr. K. R. (sorry, I don't want people to google her and find this) is going to be in Maryland, working for the FDA. She is so stressed out because her boss is being a dick, but soon, she will be done with him and she will come back home, well, to the east coast. She new exactly what she wanted, she wet for it and she got it. Boy was it so much fun growing up in her shadow (ok, that wasn't necessary).
Sunday, September 06, 2009
Apology
I'm sorry the last couple of posts were, well, WHACK, but I have been ridiculously tired and my parents are here spending the long weekend, so I have to answer to their every command. I have so much stuff to do with the pool and they don't know how to help me (they don't want to help me). They grew up in the islands and they are used to warm weather, so they don't want to put on the air conditioner. I, on the other hand, and dying of heat exhaustion and they don't care. Whatever.
I had to babysit last night. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Two kids, a 3 yr old and a 2 yr old, they are sweet kids and disgustingly cute except for when it's bed time. I've lost my ability to sympathize with children because I have to deal with them everyday so when a child cries for his or her mommy, I just wait it out to the point where the crying sounds like background music.
In other news, we went in the pool today. Finally!! After having the thing for over 2 months, my dad, my brother and I went in it. Well, the guys went in it, I only had my legs in it. At least now we can say that we went in it at some point this summer.
At church today, while the priest was giving his homily, I was busy spacing out (after my sister called me and my cell was ringing loudly, Thanks K). I was thinking about the whole "Gay is bad" situation and why it makes absolutely no sense to me. If God didn't want Homosexuals on Earth, than why did he put them here? I thought God could do everything, couldn't he make everyone heterosexual?
They say that we were sent here to "be fruitful and multiply" and that is the whole reason why homosexuality is wrong. If that is the case then why are there so many barren and infertile women out there? Why are there so many men out there with low sperm counts and are sterile? Well it's alright for them because they can adopt, right? They can have surrogate mothers, right? What about the gay and lesbian couples out there that desperately want and deserve families of their own? They are looked down upon because it is believed that they will not provide a stable home for the children. The children will be confused.
What about all of the children out there with no parents to love them. All of the abandoned children, the crack babies, the abused children, the children who are sold into slavery. The children in African countries and in Haiti and all those places where you see the commercials that make you want to change the channel. I see no reason why or how those child will become confused or unstable just because they have two fathers or two mothers. Those children would settle for one parent just as long as they were receiving love, food and shelter. But, no! These adults are gay and they shouldn't have the right to have children, even if they are in a stable relationship and have awesome jobs and homes.
Speaking of stable relationships, what is this nonsense about not allowing homosexuals to marry? If they want to eff their lives up, then let them. Oh no, marriage is sacred. Bull!! If marriage was so sacred then why do more than half of marriages end in divorce? Why is there so much infidelity? Why are there so many children out of wedlock? Why are there so many people out there working on their seventh marriage? Oy! It really ruffles my feathers to see someone struggle so hard to be able to have a right that they would have had if they didn't love differently and then see someone who has that right abusing it.
It's just like money. There are so many families out there who struggle to make ends meet and there are people out there who have loads of money and they spend it on completely unnecessary things. Seriously, where do they get all of that money for the lottery? I think there are better things that could be done with that cash, don't you? (Now I'm actually curious about what goes on with that lottery money.)
I need your opinions on this, gay rights and money.
I had to babysit last night. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Two kids, a 3 yr old and a 2 yr old, they are sweet kids and disgustingly cute except for when it's bed time. I've lost my ability to sympathize with children because I have to deal with them everyday so when a child cries for his or her mommy, I just wait it out to the point where the crying sounds like background music.
In other news, we went in the pool today. Finally!! After having the thing for over 2 months, my dad, my brother and I went in it. Well, the guys went in it, I only had my legs in it. At least now we can say that we went in it at some point this summer.
At church today, while the priest was giving his homily, I was busy spacing out (after my sister called me and my cell was ringing loudly, Thanks K). I was thinking about the whole "Gay is bad" situation and why it makes absolutely no sense to me. If God didn't want Homosexuals on Earth, than why did he put them here? I thought God could do everything, couldn't he make everyone heterosexual?
They say that we were sent here to "be fruitful and multiply" and that is the whole reason why homosexuality is wrong. If that is the case then why are there so many barren and infertile women out there? Why are there so many men out there with low sperm counts and are sterile? Well it's alright for them because they can adopt, right? They can have surrogate mothers, right? What about the gay and lesbian couples out there that desperately want and deserve families of their own? They are looked down upon because it is believed that they will not provide a stable home for the children. The children will be confused.
What about all of the children out there with no parents to love them. All of the abandoned children, the crack babies, the abused children, the children who are sold into slavery. The children in African countries and in Haiti and all those places where you see the commercials that make you want to change the channel. I see no reason why or how those child will become confused or unstable just because they have two fathers or two mothers. Those children would settle for one parent just as long as they were receiving love, food and shelter. But, no! These adults are gay and they shouldn't have the right to have children, even if they are in a stable relationship and have awesome jobs and homes.
Speaking of stable relationships, what is this nonsense about not allowing homosexuals to marry? If they want to eff their lives up, then let them. Oh no, marriage is sacred. Bull!! If marriage was so sacred then why do more than half of marriages end in divorce? Why is there so much infidelity? Why are there so many children out of wedlock? Why are there so many people out there working on their seventh marriage? Oy! It really ruffles my feathers to see someone struggle so hard to be able to have a right that they would have had if they didn't love differently and then see someone who has that right abusing it.
It's just like money. There are so many families out there who struggle to make ends meet and there are people out there who have loads of money and they spend it on completely unnecessary things. Seriously, where do they get all of that money for the lottery? I think there are better things that could be done with that cash, don't you? (Now I'm actually curious about what goes on with that lottery money.)
I need your opinions on this, gay rights and money.
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