I am watching Glee on fox right now and once again, it is knocking my metaphorical socks off. Kristin Chenoweth is on it and I love and adore her. I don't like that they have her playing a drunken whore who is reliving her high school day, but she plays it so well. That Rachel girl needs to slow her roll and respect her elders. you don't catch and attitude with the Cheno. (oh man, she just sang again with the hottie teacher guy)
A few weeks ago, we were doing art projects with the kids at work and I looked at one of the kids' hands to make sure all of the paint was off and I thought of a story called "Holly's Hands". I finished writing it over the weekend and if I have my way, it will be a pop-up book. So Holly is going through her day doing stuff that normal 5 year olds do, emphasis on things that she does with her hands. It's not very long, but it's cute and it's written so there we go.
I'm the kind of girl who runs a little hot so I am really appreciating the weather getting chillier. I don't want it to get super cold like I know that it will be soon, but it feels really good right now. I like sleeping with my comforter rather than with a thin sheet cause it makes me feel like I'm snuggling next to someone, ha!
So I re-registered for Monster.com with my new email and I posted my resume, so hopefully things will look up job- wise and I'll be happy again. Like they said "sister are doing it for themselves" and I am about to do it for myself. I am going to get mine. I can not be 25 years old and feel like I'm 60. My twenties are supposed to be happy, not crappy.
Ok, t'is all
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Breathe In , Breathe Out
Today... was a day. Today was an interesting day. Today is a day that I would not like to repeat. I still have chills just thinking about what happened today.
I pretty much let my boss know that she shouldn't expect me to stay much longer. That's bad, right?
I don't feel right writing about this, but I will rip it off like a band aid.
I asked my boss why I hadn't had my 2 year evaluation yet and she looked at my like I was crazy. She avoided me for about an hour after that and then we had a talk in her office. Apparently I (1) should have told her sooner about my 2 years being up, (2) have been giving her an attitude lately and (3) I'm not working hard enough in the morning.
Well in my defense, I don't feel right going up to my boss and asking her for my raise just like that. I find it rude and annoying. my attitude is completely justified because I've been working there for 2 years and I never talk or ask for anything. I do everything that is asked of me and I don't go complaining every second when I'm not happy about something. As for that nonsense about not doing more in the early morning, first off, it was just today, second, that parent who complained is a jack ass and third, who the hell hires an overweight 66 year old woman who gets sick all of the time to watch children?
If I were MG or RA, those things would be overlooked because they are the golden children. They can get away with murder. Tell me why I had to help out in MG's classroom when she had less than 20 kids and there were 4 teachers in there, mind you, ration is 1 teacher to 10 kids. Maybe it's because MG wants to roam around the facility doing whatever the f*** she wants with her a$$ crack sticking out of her pants. I hope her arse crack gave a good impression to the woman who came to evaluated the classroom today.
I "shocked" my boss when I asked her if someone was going to relieve me so that I could take my break when the evaluation lady was here. According to boss lady, I said it with a really bad attitude and I shouldn't have let eval. lady hear. I don't see how volume coincides with attitude, but whatever.
The thing that sucks donkey balls is that I feel bad that I might have hurt my boss's feelings. I feel bad that even though I am totally justified, I may have hurt someone's feelings. Now I am sitting at home with all of this rage + sadness + guilt + 25 years of being the little sister (I'm watching Fred Claus and it's really hitting home), and I have no one here to take my side and make me feel better.
Anyway, I told my boss that I am feeling pressure from my family and myself about doing something with myself and leaving my job. I know that I should not have said that to her, but I couldn't help myself. I felt like I was in a therapy session talking about my feelings and I teared up, a little. Even though I feel bad about this (which I really shouldn't) I know that this was a long time coming and I never should have taken that job in the first damn place.
At least I'm finally getting my f***ing raise.
I pretty much let my boss know that she shouldn't expect me to stay much longer. That's bad, right?
I don't feel right writing about this, but I will rip it off like a band aid.
I asked my boss why I hadn't had my 2 year evaluation yet and she looked at my like I was crazy. She avoided me for about an hour after that and then we had a talk in her office. Apparently I (1) should have told her sooner about my 2 years being up, (2) have been giving her an attitude lately and (3) I'm not working hard enough in the morning.
Well in my defense, I don't feel right going up to my boss and asking her for my raise just like that. I find it rude and annoying. my attitude is completely justified because I've been working there for 2 years and I never talk or ask for anything. I do everything that is asked of me and I don't go complaining every second when I'm not happy about something. As for that nonsense about not doing more in the early morning, first off, it was just today, second, that parent who complained is a jack ass and third, who the hell hires an overweight 66 year old woman who gets sick all of the time to watch children?
If I were MG or RA, those things would be overlooked because they are the golden children. They can get away with murder. Tell me why I had to help out in MG's classroom when she had less than 20 kids and there were 4 teachers in there, mind you, ration is 1 teacher to 10 kids. Maybe it's because MG wants to roam around the facility doing whatever the f*** she wants with her a$$ crack sticking out of her pants. I hope her arse crack gave a good impression to the woman who came to evaluated the classroom today.
I "shocked" my boss when I asked her if someone was going to relieve me so that I could take my break when the evaluation lady was here. According to boss lady, I said it with a really bad attitude and I shouldn't have let eval. lady hear. I don't see how volume coincides with attitude, but whatever.
The thing that sucks donkey balls is that I feel bad that I might have hurt my boss's feelings. I feel bad that even though I am totally justified, I may have hurt someone's feelings. Now I am sitting at home with all of this rage + sadness + guilt + 25 years of being the little sister (I'm watching Fred Claus and it's really hitting home), and I have no one here to take my side and make me feel better.
Anyway, I told my boss that I am feeling pressure from my family and myself about doing something with myself and leaving my job. I know that I should not have said that to her, but I couldn't help myself. I felt like I was in a therapy session talking about my feelings and I teared up, a little. Even though I feel bad about this (which I really shouldn't) I know that this was a long time coming and I never should have taken that job in the first damn place.
At least I'm finally getting my f***ing raise.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Today
I thought that today was going to be a pin because I had to work alone in my class room, but luckily I only had 3 kids to look after and I rather enjoyed myself. I'm glad that I didn't have to deal with two specific children, but that is mainly because all they want to do is be sourpusses and cry all day. I don't need that.
Here is what I did at work today:
In at 6:15, did the bleach bottles and the paper towels and rugs
Opened at 6:30
Tidied up classroom and did the lesson plan for the week
My 3 kids came in and a I fed/changed diapers when necessary
9:00 went over the words of the week, counting, colors and sang songs
10:00 went out for a walk in the buggies around the facility and the kids touched and smelled the trees
10:30 Inside to tidy up the room and clean the toys while the kids were in the bouncers
11:00 lunch for the kids, set up for quiet time and change diapers
12:00 quiet time and my break time (which ends at 12:45)
2:00 Change diapers, set the room back for class time and hung out till 3 when I finally get to leave.
After work, I went to get my oil changed by a delicious man with an accent at Jiffy Lube and then i went to the mall to buy two books (Bran Hambric: The Farfield Cruse by Kaleb Nation and The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau Banks by E. Lockhart) a pair of skinny jeans (though I am far from skinny) a chain with a cross pendant (cause it was cute and it was $3) and some concentrated air freshener for my car and hand sanitizer from Bath and body works.
I don't know why I was in a spending mood, but I was. Sometimes i would rather have the stuff than the money because the money doesn't do me any good when it's just green paper in my wallet. I would rather have things that serve a purpose. What's the point of having the money if you won't do anything with it? (what happened to the days of "do you wanna trade your tuna for my pb&j" but that is a whol other topic.)
C and I were supposed to hang out today and have out Martini Monday, but (surprise, surprise) she flaked. Better for my anyway; I'd rather go to work with a clear head.
Here is what I did at work today:
In at 6:15, did the bleach bottles and the paper towels and rugs
Opened at 6:30
Tidied up classroom and did the lesson plan for the week
My 3 kids came in and a I fed/changed diapers when necessary
9:00 went over the words of the week, counting, colors and sang songs
10:00 went out for a walk in the buggies around the facility and the kids touched and smelled the trees
10:30 Inside to tidy up the room and clean the toys while the kids were in the bouncers
11:00 lunch for the kids, set up for quiet time and change diapers
12:00 quiet time and my break time (which ends at 12:45)
2:00 Change diapers, set the room back for class time and hung out till 3 when I finally get to leave.
After work, I went to get my oil changed by a delicious man with an accent at Jiffy Lube and then i went to the mall to buy two books (Bran Hambric: The Farfield Cruse by Kaleb Nation and The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau Banks by E. Lockhart) a pair of skinny jeans (though I am far from skinny) a chain with a cross pendant (cause it was cute and it was $3) and some concentrated air freshener for my car and hand sanitizer from Bath and body works.
I don't know why I was in a spending mood, but I was. Sometimes i would rather have the stuff than the money because the money doesn't do me any good when it's just green paper in my wallet. I would rather have things that serve a purpose. What's the point of having the money if you won't do anything with it? (what happened to the days of "do you wanna trade your tuna for my pb&j" but that is a whol other topic.)
C and I were supposed to hang out today and have out Martini Monday, but (surprise, surprise) she flaked. Better for my anyway; I'd rather go to work with a clear head.
Weekend
Saturday night was rather regular. I spent the whole day waiting for the family to come.I think I told you all that I had to sing early that morning, so I was rather lazy for the rest of the day. The parents, my brother and my cousin came over around 7 or 8 (and I yelled to the cabby, yo homes smell ya later... haha) and we just hung around for a bit till bed time, though I stayed up pretty late. Sunday morning, we went to church and then we went to Kohl's to get some picture frames for my sister to give to her professors. While we were at Kohl's, I saw my favorite kid's dad (he works there). It was a little awkward, but it was nice to have someone in my work life know my family life. It's really weird because I talk about my family with my "friends" here and they have never met them. In the two years that I have lived here, my work people have never met my family.
I guess I should see it as more of a blessing.
So we got the picture frames, a pair of pants for Pat and a cute little bracelet for my sister. A few hours later, we drove down to Landsdale, PA to visit K (she flew in from San Fran to give a talk to the Merck people about her research). We had dinner somewhere nearby and we took pictures and we had a genuinely good time. She really liked the bracelet, unless she's taken some acting classes over in SF. I'm glad I got to see her, even though she practically called me a waste.
I guess I should see it as more of a blessing.
So we got the picture frames, a pair of pants for Pat and a cute little bracelet for my sister. A few hours later, we drove down to Landsdale, PA to visit K (she flew in from San Fran to give a talk to the Merck people about her research). We had dinner somewhere nearby and we took pictures and we had a genuinely good time. She really liked the bracelet, unless she's taken some acting classes over in SF. I'm glad I got to see her, even though she practically called me a waste.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Yeah, I skipped a day
Who cares, I missed a day. It's not because I forgot, I was just way too tired to bother. I know that no one cares anyway since I've been mostly ranting about ridiculous things. My job is crazy and my social life is nonexistent so I have no outlet except for choir.
Choir is annoying and boring and I need a singing challenge or something. I hated that I had to wake up early this morning to go to church so that I could sing for the bishop. It would be really cool if it was me, by myself, but I just cantored. It was nice to have poeple come up to me and tell me that I did a great job, but I want people to cheer for me and scream my name and pay to see me. That would be awesome.
I keep gettig these weird bug bites on my hand and feet. They itch but they don't look like mosquito bites. It worries me a little. I noticed that the bites are on areas where there are no bones like the achilles area or in between my thumb and index fingers. I have been spending more time outside that I used to so that might be the thing and I've been wearing sandals and having my hands near the grass, so I am sure that is how I got them. I just think that it is interesting that they are positioned where they are.
I talked to my sister today and she pretty much told me that I was a waste of space and kept on talking like I wasn't supposed to have a reaction. As I said once before, when people say negative things about me, I tend to believe them because they are my family and they know me better than I know myself. So it hurts to hear that I am useless. It hurts. Thanks sis.
Choir is annoying and boring and I need a singing challenge or something. I hated that I had to wake up early this morning to go to church so that I could sing for the bishop. It would be really cool if it was me, by myself, but I just cantored. It was nice to have poeple come up to me and tell me that I did a great job, but I want people to cheer for me and scream my name and pay to see me. That would be awesome.
I keep gettig these weird bug bites on my hand and feet. They itch but they don't look like mosquito bites. It worries me a little. I noticed that the bites are on areas where there are no bones like the achilles area or in between my thumb and index fingers. I have been spending more time outside that I used to so that might be the thing and I've been wearing sandals and having my hands near the grass, so I am sure that is how I got them. I just think that it is interesting that they are positioned where they are.
I talked to my sister today and she pretty much told me that I was a waste of space and kept on talking like I wasn't supposed to have a reaction. As I said once before, when people say negative things about me, I tend to believe them because they are my family and they know me better than I know myself. So it hurts to hear that I am useless. It hurts. Thanks sis.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Proud
Pride is one of the seven deadly sins, but apparently it is a sin to have any sort of good regard for yourself or feel that you deserve a bit of extra pampering. (That is a completely other topic) These are the things of which I am proud.
I survived the Hill School and graduated
I got into and graduated from college
I have a really great singing voice
I make really cool collages
I'm really good at controlling my anger (really comes in handy at work)
I was captain of the Girls Track and Field team (the throwers)
Every other kid at the day care loves me
I speak 3 languages, technically
I'm pretty well read
I'm a good girl
I'm responsible
Not a very long list but it is growing gradually.
What are some the things that make you proud?
I survived the Hill School and graduated
I got into and graduated from college
I have a really great singing voice
I make really cool collages
I'm really good at controlling my anger (really comes in handy at work)
I was captain of the Girls Track and Field team (the throwers)
Every other kid at the day care loves me
I speak 3 languages, technically
I'm pretty well read
I'm a good girl
I'm responsible
Not a very long list but it is growing gradually.
What are some the things that make you proud?
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Stream of Consciousness
I don't have a damn thing to talk about. Right now I am eating my second bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and watching Glee. This show is ridiculously hilarious. The girl who plays Rachel looks like Idina Menzel and the main actor is soooo cute. I wouldn't mind hanging out with him for a few hours.
I wish there was a community theater here that I could be a part of. There probably is, but I'm not exactly looking (I should be). I'm just getting sick of doing the same crap all of the time. (Oh my goodness, why were the football players doing the Beyonce Single ladies dance?)
My head hurts, that time is coming soon, boo! they are dancing on the field, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
That made my day
Aww, Beyonce helped them win the game
mybe my head is hurting because I need to go to the dentist. I haven't been to one in 4 years.
I need to get my car inspected before this month is over. And I need to get an oil change.
I was watching (ooh yay, Kristin Chenoweth is going to be on it, how funny is that since her and Idina Menzel are friends) that movie with Brenden Fraser "Center of the Earth" and I was thinking how cool that would be, minus the dinosaurs of course.
"It's ten pm, do you know where your children are?" HAHA, that cracks me up every time.
Ok, it's bed time.
I wish there was a community theater here that I could be a part of. There probably is, but I'm not exactly looking (I should be). I'm just getting sick of doing the same crap all of the time. (Oh my goodness, why were the football players doing the Beyonce Single ladies dance?)
My head hurts, that time is coming soon, boo! they are dancing on the field, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
That made my day
Aww, Beyonce helped them win the game
mybe my head is hurting because I need to go to the dentist. I haven't been to one in 4 years.
I need to get my car inspected before this month is over. And I need to get an oil change.
I was watching (ooh yay, Kristin Chenoweth is going to be on it, how funny is that since her and Idina Menzel are friends) that movie with Brenden Fraser "Center of the Earth" and I was thinking how cool that would be, minus the dinosaurs of course.
"It's ten pm, do you know where your children are?" HAHA, that cracks me up every time.
Ok, it's bed time.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
UGH!!!
I miss my best friends, Charlie, Kim and Mollie. If I were normal, I would just contact them or go see them, but they are too far away for my comfort and I hate talking on the phone. (I left that out of yesterdays list, i think)
Work is frustrating and I have no one to vent to (that is why I write here). Since no one ready this anyway, I figure I could write the most embarrassing thing about me and no one will know.
I'm tired.
Work is frustrating and I have no one to vent to (that is why I write here). Since no one ready this anyway, I figure I could write the most embarrassing thing about me and no one will know.
I'm tired.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Not favorite
Here is a list of things that I REALLY do not like
Talking on the phone
People asking me for favors
People who make their significant others feel like they aren't good enough
Repetitiveness
Clusters of dots
Bossiness
Ignorance
Bad Grammar
Dudes that wear their pants under their arses
People who get mad when you say no
Skinny people who pick at their bellies saying that they are fat
Teachers who make you feel stupid
Hypocrites
My boss
Money
Politicians
Religious Zealots
Criminals
People on welfare that keep having babies
Lacking Insurance
Bills
Heat
Warmongers
Time
And on that note, I must go to bed. Good night
Talking on the phone
People asking me for favors
People who make their significant others feel like they aren't good enough
Repetitiveness
Clusters of dots
Bossiness
Ignorance
Bad Grammar
Dudes that wear their pants under their arses
People who get mad when you say no
Skinny people who pick at their bellies saying that they are fat
Teachers who make you feel stupid
Hypocrites
My boss
Money
Politicians
Religious Zealots
Criminals
People on welfare that keep having babies
Lacking Insurance
Bills
Heat
Warmongers
Time
And on that note, I must go to bed. Good night
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Favorites
Just a long list of things (people) that are my favorites
Man- JC Chasez
Food- Bacon
Color- Purple
Actress- Kate Winslet
Author-Jane Austen
Male Singer- Josh Groban
Play- Wicked (the musical)
Movie- The Holiday and Sense and Sensibility
Book Series turned Movie- Harry Potter
Young Adult Author- John Green and Maureen Johnson
Flower- Pink Gerbera Daisies
Drink- Gin and Tonic and Sour Apple Martini
Female singer- Whitney Houston and Celine Dion
Scent- Lavender
Places I've visited- London
Places I'd like to visit- Paris
Time I'd like to visit- Regency England
Ice Cream- Cookies and cream and Chocolate Chip cookie Dough
Junk Food- Utz Sour Cream and Onion Chips\
Fictional Couple- Lizzy Bennet and Fitzwilliam Darcy
Foreign film- Amelie
Memory- All the good ones with PGVB (makes me sad)
Sport- Soccer and Track and Field
Way to pamper myself- pedicures and a new book
Date I've been on- Olive Garden with the "orange" rose and tiramasu
Dessert- Millefeuille
Tv show- Charmed and Gilmore girls
Painter- Leonardo DaVinci
Modern Painter- Shano
Actor- Colin firth
Season- Spring
Super Hero- MMPR's Pink and White ranger
Emotion- School-girl giddy
State of being- Sleep
On that note, good night all.
Man- JC Chasez
Food- Bacon
Color- Purple
Actress- Kate Winslet
Author-Jane Austen
Male Singer- Josh Groban
Play- Wicked (the musical)
Movie- The Holiday and Sense and Sensibility
Book Series turned Movie- Harry Potter
Young Adult Author- John Green and Maureen Johnson
Flower- Pink Gerbera Daisies
Drink- Gin and Tonic and Sour Apple Martini
Female singer- Whitney Houston and Celine Dion
Scent- Lavender
Places I've visited- London
Places I'd like to visit- Paris
Time I'd like to visit- Regency England
Ice Cream- Cookies and cream and Chocolate Chip cookie Dough
Junk Food- Utz Sour Cream and Onion Chips\
Fictional Couple- Lizzy Bennet and Fitzwilliam Darcy
Foreign film- Amelie
Memory- All the good ones with PGVB (makes me sad)
Sport- Soccer and Track and Field
Way to pamper myself- pedicures and a new book
Date I've been on- Olive Garden with the "orange" rose and tiramasu
Dessert- Millefeuille
Tv show- Charmed and Gilmore girls
Painter- Leonardo DaVinci
Modern Painter- Shano
Actor- Colin firth
Season- Spring
Super Hero- MMPR's Pink and White ranger
Emotion- School-girl giddy
State of being- Sleep
On that note, good night all.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Arranged Marriages
Last night, I had a dream that my parents wanted to arrange my marriage. They found me a guy whom they thought was perfect for me and I was supposed to marry. Apparently I was happy with their choice and I had a long and happy life with the man.
It got me thinking about marriage and why people look down on arranged ones. I used to think that love was a huge deal and I could never marry someone if I wasn't in love with him. Now, I think that respect, common interests and a general sense of compassion are all you need. Modern marriages are so unsuccessful and I don't want that in my future. I refuse to get divorced. Love is so fickle and it makes me sad to know that marriages have failed because the couple "fell out of love". That is just an excuse. They just don't want to be together anymore or they've met someone else that they believe might be better. If their marriage was based entirely on "love" and the love was suddenly not there anymore, then what do they have?
NOTHING!!!
Maybe arranged marriages aren't such a bad thing. Your parents watched you grow up, they know your general interests and the kind of people you like (if they are good parents) so maybe they would be good people to find you a mate. Actually, I don't know. I want to be able to find someone for myself but all of the ones that I pick have been crap or too far away and I refuse to believe that I am meant to be alone. I'm just so sick of wanting this so bad when there is a possibility that I won't get it at all.
Here is where I become 2 years old. I just want someone to hold my hand and kiss my boo boos and tell me that everything will be alright.
(No wonder the movies don't tell you what happens after the couple gets together)
It got me thinking about marriage and why people look down on arranged ones. I used to think that love was a huge deal and I could never marry someone if I wasn't in love with him. Now, I think that respect, common interests and a general sense of compassion are all you need. Modern marriages are so unsuccessful and I don't want that in my future. I refuse to get divorced. Love is so fickle and it makes me sad to know that marriages have failed because the couple "fell out of love". That is just an excuse. They just don't want to be together anymore or they've met someone else that they believe might be better. If their marriage was based entirely on "love" and the love was suddenly not there anymore, then what do they have?
NOTHING!!!
Maybe arranged marriages aren't such a bad thing. Your parents watched you grow up, they know your general interests and the kind of people you like (if they are good parents) so maybe they would be good people to find you a mate. Actually, I don't know. I want to be able to find someone for myself but all of the ones that I pick have been crap or too far away and I refuse to believe that I am meant to be alone. I'm just so sick of wanting this so bad when there is a possibility that I won't get it at all.
Here is where I become 2 years old. I just want someone to hold my hand and kiss my boo boos and tell me that everything will be alright.
(No wonder the movies don't tell you what happens after the couple gets together)
Friday, September 18, 2009
A long day
It certainly has been a long and tiresome day. I almost passed out at work, today. When you combine heat, no air flow, hunger, florescent lighting and excessive movement, you get an effect that almost feels like a hang over.
I had to work with the younger toddlers for the third time this week and I was exhausted. Keeping in mind that I wake up at 5am, eat at 5:30am and then have my lunch at 12pm, one can imagine that by 10:30am I was starving and feeling lightheaded after having chased 13 children on the playground (in 60 something degree weather and entering into a classroom that was 80 something degrees). Drastic temperature changes are very bad to me. My head and my back were hurting like crazy. I felt like the air was stinging my skin.
Nothing helped. I had water, nope. A muffin, nope. A 45 minute nap during my lunch break, nope.
After work, I took another nap, which helped a little and then I did something rather dumb. I went to the movies to see Love Happens, which didn't really have a lot of love happening, and surprisingly enough, I feel better. I don't know how , but I do. So now, I'm just going to relax in my not very comfortable bed and see if I can have a good dream, unlike last night. Heidi, Spencer, Will Robinson and Damon from the Vampire Diaries were all trying to kill me. Crazy as hell, right? No wonder I was feeling like crap today.
I had to work with the younger toddlers for the third time this week and I was exhausted. Keeping in mind that I wake up at 5am, eat at 5:30am and then have my lunch at 12pm, one can imagine that by 10:30am I was starving and feeling lightheaded after having chased 13 children on the playground (in 60 something degree weather and entering into a classroom that was 80 something degrees). Drastic temperature changes are very bad to me. My head and my back were hurting like crazy. I felt like the air was stinging my skin.
Nothing helped. I had water, nope. A muffin, nope. A 45 minute nap during my lunch break, nope.
After work, I took another nap, which helped a little and then I did something rather dumb. I went to the movies to see Love Happens, which didn't really have a lot of love happening, and surprisingly enough, I feel better. I don't know how , but I do. So now, I'm just going to relax in my not very comfortable bed and see if I can have a good dream, unlike last night. Heidi, Spencer, Will Robinson and Damon from the Vampire Diaries were all trying to kill me. Crazy as hell, right? No wonder I was feeling like crap today.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
A few quotations
I was digging for something to write about and I stumbled upon a few quotations that I collected (yeah, I collect quotations, business cards and movie ticket stubs).
This is a quotation that I really should keep to heart.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."- Elinor Roosevelt
If you read yesterday's blog, which was uber ridiculous, you would understand why that one is important to me.
This is a quotation that I feel should be the motto of current leaders but so totally isn't .
"The virtuous leader can pass among his subjects with the ease of the wind."- Confucious
I should let my boss know that one, maybe everyone would hate her less.
Here is some advice for the gentlemen on how to treat a lady.
"Woo her. Admire her. Make her feel like the most sublime creature on Earth." Gomez Addams (Addams Family values)
It's a given!!!
Finally, here is something that all of us who feel down in the dumps should think about.
"Insanity is being shit on, beat down, coasting through life on a miserable existence when you have a caged lion locked inside and the key to release it."-Morgan Freeman's character from "Wanted"
Even though he was the villain in the film, he has a point. Knowing that we have the power to do things, good things, and not doing anything about it is madness.
Well, I just wanted to share that with you. Have a good night.
This is a quotation that I really should keep to heart.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."- Elinor Roosevelt
If you read yesterday's blog, which was uber ridiculous, you would understand why that one is important to me.
This is a quotation that I feel should be the motto of current leaders but so totally isn't .
"The virtuous leader can pass among his subjects with the ease of the wind."- Confucious
I should let my boss know that one, maybe everyone would hate her less.
Here is some advice for the gentlemen on how to treat a lady.
"Woo her. Admire her. Make her feel like the most sublime creature on Earth." Gomez Addams (Addams Family values)
It's a given!!!
Finally, here is something that all of us who feel down in the dumps should think about.
"Insanity is being shit on, beat down, coasting through life on a miserable existence when you have a caged lion locked inside and the key to release it."-Morgan Freeman's character from "Wanted"
Even though he was the villain in the film, he has a point. Knowing that we have the power to do things, good things, and not doing anything about it is madness.
Well, I just wanted to share that with you. Have a good night.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Stressssssss
Is it bad that I am hoping the day care shuts down? Today was such a horrible day and I don't think I can repeat it without going crazy. I need to go back to school or something because I see no future for myself. I'm so busy thinking about other people and what they want that I don't have a real chance to think about myself and what I really want for myself. I've always done what was expected of me. My real problem is that I have no determination, no drive. I've lost my passion for life. I used to be this kid who smiled all of the time. I would strut around thinking I was so cute, thinking I was the shit and now, I don't go anywhere, I don't really hang out with anyone.
I'm probably turning you all off from me, but I have to be honest. You're probably thinking, "well if you think you suck so much, why should we read your blog and bother with anything you do?"
Because I need you to prove me wrong. I'm so used to boosting other people up and I'm stuck here on the bottom. That is how I feel at home, at work and with friends.
Ugh! I shouldn't be writing that. Completely disregard all of that nonsense up there. My life is great, there is nothing wrong with it. I can boost myself up, I can't rely on other people to do it for me. Ok, that's it, I gotta "do me"!
Wish me luck! (thanks for letting me rant, I'm sure it was annoying)
I'm probably turning you all off from me, but I have to be honest. You're probably thinking, "well if you think you suck so much, why should we read your blog and bother with anything you do?"
Because I need you to prove me wrong. I'm so used to boosting other people up and I'm stuck here on the bottom. That is how I feel at home, at work and with friends.
Ugh! I shouldn't be writing that. Completely disregard all of that nonsense up there. My life is great, there is nothing wrong with it. I can boost myself up, I can't rely on other people to do it for me. Ok, that's it, I gotta "do me"!
Wish me luck! (thanks for letting me rant, I'm sure it was annoying)
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
No Good Deed Goes Unpunnished
Why is it that whenever someone does something good, people think that there is a hidden agenda? People are sooooo not trusting.
I remember an episode of Friends where Phoebe tried to do a good and selfless deed and completely failed. Is it possible to do a good deed and not receive some sort of reward? Is it possible to do something good and remain neutral?
I don't think that it is possible because people like feeling appreciated and when you do something good, you are appreciated.
I just wanted an excuse to share my two favorite "Wicked" songs. Whenever I decide to quit my job, I'll leave singing "Defying Gravity".
Monday, September 14, 2009
Drunkenness
I needed this. I needed to get a little intoxicated tonight. Stress and craziness are invading my life right now, and even though I don't condone it, I think that I need to let loose, and have fun a little bit.
I am sure that in the morning I am going to be in pain and dreading having to go to work, but that is just something I am going to have to deal with. My friend C called me and asked me if I wanted to get wasted tonight and I was like, "what else am I going to do tonight?" so that is what I am doing. Pictures were taken, but they are too embarrassing for others to see. Ok, I'm not really drunk, I'm tipsy. I can say my alphabet backwards and I can walk in a straight line touching my nose.
Don't lose respect for me because I indulged a little. I never indulge. I am always the good girl. I'm the "as you wish" girl. I'm getting sick of it. I need to quit my job. I need to go to New York and get discovered or something. I'm sick of being mundane.
I am sure that in the morning I am going to be in pain and dreading having to go to work, but that is just something I am going to have to deal with. My friend C called me and asked me if I wanted to get wasted tonight and I was like, "what else am I going to do tonight?" so that is what I am doing. Pictures were taken, but they are too embarrassing for others to see. Ok, I'm not really drunk, I'm tipsy. I can say my alphabet backwards and I can walk in a straight line touching my nose.
Don't lose respect for me because I indulged a little. I never indulge. I am always the good girl. I'm the "as you wish" girl. I'm getting sick of it. I need to quit my job. I need to go to New York and get discovered or something. I'm sick of being mundane.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
A happy topic!!!
DEATH!!!
What's it like? What happens afterwards? Do you really see a light? What about the life? The body is no longer functioning, but what happens to the essence? I don't mind waiting to find out these answers, but I'm really curious. I just refuse to believe that after I die, there's nothing else. I want to believe that death is like an everlasting sleep. After death would be and ever-dreamland or something. I don't want to deal with this heaven/hell business and I really don't want to be a ghost because that would mean that I would be stuck on this earth. That would totally suck.
I have a few theories:
1. Afterlife is like an ever-dream
2. The whole seeing the light thing is us going through the birth canal and we are reborn.
3. Time isn't linear, but loopy. Dying is waking up from a sleep and suddenly you are your 5 year old self... again.
4. Combo of 2 and 3- We are reborn as a person in the far past or in the far future.
5. We are all computers and we just don't work anymore so there is nothing afterwards.
I would like to hear some of your theories. This is fun. Thinking up ideas of what happens after we die. I just don't accept the idea of standing in a long line for eternity and then have some dude with a book (who's not allowed in, mind you) tell you whether you can or can't go to Heaven. What is Heaven anyway? Sorry J, but it all sounds boring, there's got to be something different.
I didn't want to write about religion, but when it comes to death, I guess it kinda plays a part.
What's it like? What happens afterwards? Do you really see a light? What about the life? The body is no longer functioning, but what happens to the essence? I don't mind waiting to find out these answers, but I'm really curious. I just refuse to believe that after I die, there's nothing else. I want to believe that death is like an everlasting sleep. After death would be and ever-dreamland or something. I don't want to deal with this heaven/hell business and I really don't want to be a ghost because that would mean that I would be stuck on this earth. That would totally suck.
I have a few theories:
1. Afterlife is like an ever-dream
2. The whole seeing the light thing is us going through the birth canal and we are reborn.
3. Time isn't linear, but loopy. Dying is waking up from a sleep and suddenly you are your 5 year old self... again.
4. Combo of 2 and 3- We are reborn as a person in the far past or in the far future.
5. We are all computers and we just don't work anymore so there is nothing afterwards.
I would like to hear some of your theories. This is fun. Thinking up ideas of what happens after we die. I just don't accept the idea of standing in a long line for eternity and then have some dude with a book (who's not allowed in, mind you) tell you whether you can or can't go to Heaven. What is Heaven anyway? Sorry J, but it all sounds boring, there's got to be something different.
I didn't want to write about religion, but when it comes to death, I guess it kinda plays a part.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Crap Weekend
Today was a crazy lazy day. All I did was sit around and read or watch television. At least my body is relaxing, though it would be nice to have someone around to talk to. Phone calls with my sister don't count because she does all of the talking and I can't get a word in. My friends here are mostly work friends and I guess I'm not worthy to talk to outside of work (I don't really mind it though, because that is just too much drama and I don't want to be reminded of work when I'm not there).
I am dreading going to church tomorrow. I have to canter, so that means I have to introduce all of the songs and sing the psalm alone so that everyone can hear it. I don't mind the singing, it's the looks that people give me afterwards like they are surprised that I have a nice voice. (I don't take compliments well, mostly 'cause I think they are lying.) I also don't like getting involved in things that I would rather have as a tiny part of my life. Church, for me, is just one hour out of the week where I just sit and think.
Rehearsals take more time than an actual mass and everything is unorganized. The choir director is flakey and looks like a hobbit (sorry Bilbo, no offense). She's not very good at leading. Everything seems forced and I reeeeeaaallllyyyy want to quit, but i don't think I will be able to find another singing outlet. I feel like I could be doing more with my voice than just normal church stuff. Plus, it really bothers me that we don't even warm up.
Imagine waking up at 7am, you are the only one in the house. You shower, you eat breakfast, you watch television, you read. You haven't used your voice AT ALL, then you go to choir rehearsal at 11:30 and you are expected to sing and sound great sans warming up. Unh Unh! I don't think so! People look at you because you are cracking and you can't quite reach that note knowing very well that you can reach higher notes AFTER HAVING WARMED UP PROPERLY!!!!!!!!!!!
It really sucks to be alone and lonely.
I am dreading going to church tomorrow. I have to canter, so that means I have to introduce all of the songs and sing the psalm alone so that everyone can hear it. I don't mind the singing, it's the looks that people give me afterwards like they are surprised that I have a nice voice. (I don't take compliments well, mostly 'cause I think they are lying.) I also don't like getting involved in things that I would rather have as a tiny part of my life. Church, for me, is just one hour out of the week where I just sit and think.
Rehearsals take more time than an actual mass and everything is unorganized. The choir director is flakey and looks like a hobbit (sorry Bilbo, no offense). She's not very good at leading. Everything seems forced and I reeeeeaaallllyyyy want to quit, but i don't think I will be able to find another singing outlet. I feel like I could be doing more with my voice than just normal church stuff. Plus, it really bothers me that we don't even warm up.
Imagine waking up at 7am, you are the only one in the house. You shower, you eat breakfast, you watch television, you read. You haven't used your voice AT ALL, then you go to choir rehearsal at 11:30 and you are expected to sing and sound great sans warming up. Unh Unh! I don't think so! People look at you because you are cracking and you can't quite reach that note knowing very well that you can reach higher notes AFTER HAVING WARMED UP PROPERLY!!!!!!!!!!!
It really sucks to be alone and lonely.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Post 100
For my 100th post, I would like to write about something that is very close to my heart. My hair. My hair and I have gone through a lot together. Permanents, relaxers, braids, twists, dramatic cuts and now, it's growing out naturally.
Now, I know what you're thinking. "Seriously? You're going to write about your hair? Seriously?"
Well, my hair is a symbol for all of the changes that have happened in my life. When I was 9, my mom made me permanently straighten my hair because it was too coarse for her. It was nice and long and beautiful and well taken care of. When I got to high school (boarding school) I had to learn to take care of myself and that is when my hair started to fall out and get split ends. i didn't have the resources to take good care of my hair. When it comes to African American women, hair care is very very important. Anyway, in college I cut all of my hair off and let it grow back naturally. So it's been six years since I cut my hair and I love the way that it is and even though people keep telling me to permanently straighten it again. I tell them, NO.
As weird as it may sound, I think that they way that I treated my hair reflects the way that I felt about myself. When I was younger, my parents had control over me. When I got to high school, I had to learn to take over and I did a horrible job at it. When I got to college, I didn't like the way that i was so I had to start from scratch. Cutting my hair was my fresh start. I like the way that my hair turned out, but my "fresh start" didn't turn out so hot. Ugh! Frustration.
Now, I know what you're thinking. "Seriously? You're going to write about your hair? Seriously?"
Well, my hair is a symbol for all of the changes that have happened in my life. When I was 9, my mom made me permanently straighten my hair because it was too coarse for her. It was nice and long and beautiful and well taken care of. When I got to high school (boarding school) I had to learn to take care of myself and that is when my hair started to fall out and get split ends. i didn't have the resources to take good care of my hair. When it comes to African American women, hair care is very very important. Anyway, in college I cut all of my hair off and let it grow back naturally. So it's been six years since I cut my hair and I love the way that it is and even though people keep telling me to permanently straighten it again. I tell them, NO.
As weird as it may sound, I think that they way that I treated my hair reflects the way that I felt about myself. When I was younger, my parents had control over me. When I got to high school, I had to learn to take over and I did a horrible job at it. When I got to college, I didn't like the way that i was so I had to start from scratch. Cutting my hair was my fresh start. I like the way that my hair turned out, but my "fresh start" didn't turn out so hot. Ugh! Frustration.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Mom/ Grandma/Sis
Just when I think that I can be comfortable around my mom, she does or says something that pisses me off. I love the woman, don't get me wrong, but we've grown up in different worlds. Things that were important to her are completely different than the things that are important to me. We have our moments when we can just hang out and be all mother-daughter together and there are moments when I can't stand to be around her. Ugh, and she wonders why I don't call often.
I'm scared for my Grandma. She's going to be 90 in March and she is not doing well. I know that death is inevitable, but for some juvenile reason, I believed that my grandparents were going to live for... ever. Ok, I'm five. Well,I have my dad's step-mom and my mom's mom left. So much for my grandparent's living forever. Anyway, I'm scared for my mom's mom because for some reason, I keep having these visions of receiving a phone call telling me that she is gone. I want her to see my future wedding pictures and hold my future child. She's already a great-grandmother and she was thrilled to find out that she was going to be one. Let's not count our chickens before they hatch. She's still alive and kicking and being her silly self. She's got 10 kids, 21 grandkids and 1 great-grand child so her legacy will live on.
Alright, some good news. My sister is doing BIG things! My big sister, Dr. K. R. (sorry, I don't want people to google her and find this) is going to be in Maryland, working for the FDA. She is so stressed out because her boss is being a dick, but soon, she will be done with him and she will come back home, well, to the east coast. She new exactly what she wanted, she wet for it and she got it. Boy was it so much fun growing up in her shadow (ok, that wasn't necessary).
I'm scared for my Grandma. She's going to be 90 in March and she is not doing well. I know that death is inevitable, but for some juvenile reason, I believed that my grandparents were going to live for... ever. Ok, I'm five. Well,I have my dad's step-mom and my mom's mom left. So much for my grandparent's living forever. Anyway, I'm scared for my mom's mom because for some reason, I keep having these visions of receiving a phone call telling me that she is gone. I want her to see my future wedding pictures and hold my future child. She's already a great-grandmother and she was thrilled to find out that she was going to be one. Let's not count our chickens before they hatch. She's still alive and kicking and being her silly self. She's got 10 kids, 21 grandkids and 1 great-grand child so her legacy will live on.
Alright, some good news. My sister is doing BIG things! My big sister, Dr. K. R. (sorry, I don't want people to google her and find this) is going to be in Maryland, working for the FDA. She is so stressed out because her boss is being a dick, but soon, she will be done with him and she will come back home, well, to the east coast. She new exactly what she wanted, she wet for it and she got it. Boy was it so much fun growing up in her shadow (ok, that wasn't necessary).
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