Nude art

I found a blog that is concentrated on Nude Art. It is really cool and not at all perverted. We take the naked body and distort it into something taboo. This reminds us f how beautiful the human body is no matter what shape or color.
We are so busy caring about what to wear or how whatever we are wearing makes us look that we forget to stop for a second and appreciate what God/Allah/Jehova or whichever deity you believe in gave us.

Angry!!!

Normally I try to keep some positivity when i'm angry, but these past couple of weeks are really pissing me off.

First i find out that the dude went back to his thrice ex-gf, and i don't even find out from him because apparently I'm not cool enough to tell stuff to anymore.

Second, yesterday I went shopping and I bought a cool shirt from Ashley Stewart. I get home and I find out that the dumb bitch forgot to take the security tag off of it. So I spent half an hour sawing that thing open trying to find a way to take it off and i managed to take it off but of course i also managed to put a teeny hole in the shirt.

Thirdly when i got home yesterday from shopping, I was torn between getting chinese or pizza and i ended up getting chinese though i really wanted pizza. So I'm all happy with my chicken wings and fried rice and when my dad comes home what does he bring? CHICKEN WINGS AND FRIED RICE!!! WTF, I should have bought the pizza so I could have had both. So I'm sitting in my room and I'm sick of chicken at this point so I save it for the next day (today).

Fourthly, I get my chinese today to eat it and I'm halfway through a piece of chicken and guess what happens. The tooth that is supposed to get fixed on Thursday gets cracked, so now they can't just fix it with a filling, they might have to remove it completely.

Fifthly, I call the dentist office to see what i should do and those idiots have my brother's name for the appointment. Dumbasses! so I tell them that it's me and they tell me that I have to wait till thursday to get everything fixed.

Sixthly, my driving test is tomorrow and I feel like I'm going to fail it again cause all of this bad stuff has been happenning to me.
Seventhly, tomorrow night was the night I was SUPPOSED to see a concert with Joey, but he can't come and I don't think I'll ever see him again.

I'm really looking forward to Friday afternoon cause I'm going to visit Mollie and I get to wear my two new shirts and my cute wedge black suede-ish opened tied shoes. it's gonna hurt like a bitch, but fuck that cause by then I'll be a toothless, single, nondriving, unemployed whench.
On the upside, I'm gonna look cute and stuff while I'm in AC and I get to be with a good friend of mine and I think we are going to do another video to put on youtube. hahaha, can't wait.

Defeated

I don't know why I let myself get pulled into this emotional rollercoaster everytime. His memory is stalking me and I don't know how to get rid of it. If I cna't be with him, then I don't want to think about him at all, but there he is asking me for advice or telling me about some girl that he's with. I am so jealous of this girl and it is all because of him. I don't even know her. For all I know, she could be a very nice girl who is just a little confused, but in my mind, she is a little bitch who is pulling this guy backwards and forwards and has him wrapped around her finger.

It just makes me sad to hear about him getting hurt and I can't be there to help him out. If I can't be with him, I could at least be there for him, and that, I can't get right. I wish he understood what was going on in my head and he would know how I feel about him and how I feel about her. I don't want to hate either of them because that is a very strong feeling and it is too much negative enegry being disbursed into the air.

I just realized that he and I have something in common. She keeps messing with his head and he keeps going back to her; she drives him crazy and he leaves her. He keeps messing with my head and I get drawn to him, then he goes back to her and I get all depressed again. He chooses to still be friends with her and I choose to still be friends with him, but I think we both know that it would be better for our phyches if we had no contact (me with him and him with her).

How do you let go of someone you never had in the first place? I must have had him at least for a minute. At least I thought I did when he was all over me telling me he was all mine. So how did he slip through my fingers? I guess I'll never know because I'm never going to ask him. I don't want to put myself through the pain of finding out that:
A- he was lying just to get me in bed
B- I did something wrong
C- he didn't think I felt that way about him

How am I supposed to live with myself after that? He was the Liberty Beau who came for his Jersey Whore. Now what? Maybe I should look at his situation with this girl as a blessing. I get my revenge on him by having that other girl mess with his head. So I guess it's not such a bad thing. So yay! I want him to feel the way he's been making me feel for all this time.

This is me coping with failure

I am so Fuckin pissed off right now. I had my road test today and I ::gasp:: failed. I was nervous as hell, I hadn't eaten anything before and the administrator was a jackass.

Why was he a jackass? Well before the test even started, the only words he ever said to me were scornful. "Why are you here so early? Are you def?" Right then and there I wanted to smack him upside his head.

He was a fat, ugly white man with gray nails and the seat belt hardly fit. He obviously hadn't been laid in forever. I think that every administrator should be required to have a friendly disposition. If you look like an asshole, you get booted.

Sure, I got too close to the cone and tapped it a bit, it's not like i killed someone or hit another car. Is tapping a cone really grounds for failure. It was so early on in the test too; everyone should be allowed one extra chance. I know I'm a good driver and it really sucks that I needed a white man's approval today.

Normally, I'm not racist, but today, I'm going to make an exception. I keep getting screwed over by white men and I think that means I need to stay away from them.
Mike- white, x-boyf, gay
Tom- gay, choir director, flake
Driving guy- fat, ugly and and a jackass

I do feel really bad for the driving guy though. I may have failed the road test, but I still get another chance. He, on the other hand, will never get another chance because once your dead, your dead and you can't go back and try to be a better person. I'm not trying to curse anyone, but I'm just saying. We all know where bad people go.

I think I'm allowed to be bitter right now. God doesn't let me get excited about things. I was excited about getting my license. Everytime I'm confident about something, something always comes back to bite me in the ass.
Wesleyan
Joe
San Francisco

That is why I'm normally depressed and negative about stuff. Once I show a sign of happiness, that is when all hell breaks loose.

I'm bitter dammit!!!!

Opportunities II

I am freaking out right now because now that I have started my volunteering, the people there want me to do other stuff for them too and I don't know how to respond to them. I'm already in the choir so that is already two committments that I have with the church. Then there is Brother Patrick who thinks that I would make a good teacher, so he wants me to temporarily replace a teacher that is going on maternity leave.

I really want to accept it but I'm afraid that it is going to take over my life and I don't want to be a catholic school teacher for the rest of my life. There's nothing wrong with that, it's not completely for me.

Then in comes Delores who first wants me to join the magazine committee where I would have to proofread and maybe write stuff of my own for the magazine. That is something closer to what it is I would really want to do, but I don't think it is a paying gig. It's experience, and that is a plus for future stuff. I practically said yes to that already and I don't think it would take much out of my times so I'm not completely worried.

She also wants me to be a coordinator for a youth ministry. So I'd have to lead meetings and organize retreats and fun stuff for kids. Now that is a pretty small committment and it pays. So should I accept or no? I want to but if I accept everything, then I won't have time for myself or any kind of romantic life. I have a feeling that if I get too involved with my church, it is going to become my life and I'm going to end up joining a convent (no joke). I don't know what do so or say, but all I know is...

I NEED MONEY!!!!

Changes can be good

My household usually consists of four people doing their own thing. patrick is playing video games in ihs room, Pop is in hte livingroom watching soccer, I'm in my room on my computer and my mom is floating around everywhere complaining about it all.

A couple of days ago, this routine was broken when my mother and I decided to watch tv together and we managed to watch a whole episode of Gilmore girls and and entire movie, The American President, without any complaints. Then out comes my mom with:

Mom: I wanted us to watch tv together so we could be like Lorelai and Rory. I wanted us to talk.

Now I'm staring at her wondering what to say. My mother and I have only 4 things in common. We love Gilmore Girls, Jesus, watching movies and eating.

Yesterday, I finally got the chance to tell her how I feel about her. Lately she has been pushing me so hard in every which direction and it was really frustrating me. So yesterday, while my dad and I were at the PA house, my mom had a Parent support group thing to go to with my brother. They talked about frustration and how to deal with it. One of the ways to deal with it would be to talk to the person that is frustrating you and I told her that doesn't work all of the time because that person could be stubborn as hell and refuses to hear what you are saying.

So I finally got the courage to tell her how I felt. It started out with her talking about al of the things that frustrate her. She realized that she cared too much about everything and she made them her life. I told her that she needed to let go a little bit and she wouldn't be as stressed.

With that, I told her that she has been focussing too much on my life situation and I told her that she needed to let go a lot.

Me: you push people so hard in every which direction without knowing where you want them to go and one of these days you are going to push someone off a cliff.

Mom: (in her crazy haitian accent) Whaaaaaaat!!

Me: you're not going to kill someone, but could be so torn that you drive them crazy and right into an asylum.

So my mom finally realized that she needs to step back and let me do things on my own. Let's see how long that lasts.

The perks of dating Jesus

If Jesus had a girlfriend or a wife, that woman would be the coolest woman on the Earth. Oh!! the things that she and her (son of) Man would have done. Let me list them.

1. Wine whenever you want it.
2. The perfect diet of fish and bread.
3. Moonlit walks on the river Jordan.
4. No need for health insurance.
5. Free furniture (cause he's a carpenter)
6. Sailing all of the time
7. Watching him save lives
8. Every date is the perfect date, calming storms, birdies chirping

Of course, with perks come disadvantages.

1. No privacy cause God's always watching.
2. Sometimes a girl need more than fish and bread.
3. Overbearing Jewish mother
4. 12 dudes hanging around all the time, you'd think they were all named Tyrone

HAHAHA. I Love Jesus!!!

Opportunities

God works in mysterious ways.

Recently, a lot of doors have been opened for me. I started getting free singing lessons from the choir director, Alissa. She is so nice and such a sweetheart. She said that I have a great voice and I have an awesome range. She also said that she would look out for auditions and bring them my way.

I also started volunteering at my church. It's a little lame and the dog is crazy, but it is something to do while I'm looking for work. It keeps me out of the house.

I've been looking on the internet and newspapers for jobs and I've been sending my resume everywhere. Two days ago, I found an ad for a recptionist needed in NY. I emailed my resume and they called me yesterday to schedule an interview. I could have either done it todayor friday. I had plans for both days but I decided to do it today after my dentist appointment. I got all nervous and stuff cause I thought that I was going to be numb while I was having my interview, but to my surprise, the dentist people had to reschedule so I was free this morning and went for my interview. Everything went fine, i think. Oh well.

I'm kinda pissed that my dentist apt was changed cause I wanted to get it over with. I guess it was for the best.

Now my good friend is continuously having troubles with this girl and I secretly feel that it is the perfect time to tell him how i feel about him, but then I don't want him to think of me as the rebound girl or worse, as some lunatic who has a huge crush on him.
Of course I'm not going to tell him cause I'm a punk and I'm scared as hell of what his reaction might be. I'll probably wait forever for him. He might never feel the same way thatI do, but if he does, I think that we could be great together.

If what they say about love is true, then I think:

I LOVE HIM