It's the weekend...

...And I am so happy that it is. Yesterday was a pretty low day so today I indulged in one of my pleasures, singing. I sang my heart out today and I didn't care who heard me. At work, in the car, at home, I was a singing machine. Rock, Opera, Pop, Broadway. It felt good to let it out. That is how I let my anger out. Anger, frustration, tiredness, everything.

After work, I went to a place that starts with a W and ends with a T and rhymes with Paul Blart (mall cop, hehe)and bought myself some paint brushes so hopefully something good will come of that. I can feel the creative juices flowing and if I lock myself in my room long enough something will happen.

I am about to hang out with my friend Courtnee right now. WE are going to see Obsessed with Beyonce and Ali Larter. I didn't really want to see it but Court did and whatever I have to do to hang with my friend.

Later.

A little depressing

My brain runs faster and deeper than anyone can imagine. I think about things in the past and in the future. People that have hurt me years and years ago and what I would do if I saw them again. My grandmother is not well and she is up there is age; my parents are busy thinking about either losing their jobs or dying so now I keep getting these images in my head of receiving a phone call telling me that someone has died.

I'm watching Grey's Anatomy right now and Catherine Heigle's character, Dr. Izzy Stevens, has cancer. She is a young, beautiful and lively young woman and all of a sudden she gets sick. She's finally in a "good" relationship, she's successful and she has everything going for her and there is a chance that she will lose everything. I live alone and if something happened to me, the "friends" that I have nearby wouldn't really notice and the ones that would aren't around.

Sometimes it makes me wonder what the whole point is. We are put on this Earth to eventually leave it. Why have us here at all? Why bother?

These are the things that go on in my head every minute of everyday. This is why I try so hard to find joy in the smallest things or in things that others may find silly. That is why I enjoy food and music and art and John, Hank and Maureen. I may never sing on Broadway or meet Maureen and the Greens, but at least I'll be able to keep myself sane until it's my time to go.

Times are hard and I can't go out like I used to when I was in college and be able to wake up at 5 in the morning and work. Gosh, I'm so tired. I'll be back tomorrow.

I think this week has been a pretty lame blog week. Something good better happen soon.

So tired, John's eyes

All I wanted to do today was sleep. As soon as soon as I got to work, I wanted to take a nap. I'm sitting in the rocking chair feeding a baby and I almost fall asleep. I didn't even get to go to the gym because I was so tired.

Was my point clear? I was really really tired, if you didn't catch that. So I came home, I watched a couple of movies online and I fell asleep through one, while lying on the couch.

Something very interesting happened this morning, I was watching John Green's latest video and I found myself getting lost in his eyes. (is that weird?) I don't know if it was because of the way he has his eyes wide open when he talks to the camera or if it was because of the lovely eye color. It doesn't help that he does all of these random close ups where it's like "BAM, LOOK INTO MY EYES!". It also doesn't help that he is so gosh darn cute.

I'm the type of person who must look into someone's eyes while talking to them and even though John wasn't in my presence, I felt compelled to look into his eyes anyway. (though I did stray for a little and noticed that he needed some chapstick. Sorry, John, I notice the most random things. You probably won't read this anyway.)

Ugh, ok, Pride and Prejudice is playing on Oxygen and it is my duty as a young lady to watch.

Enjoy your evening.

Happy Anniversary Charlie!

It's my best friend, Charlie's, 2nd wedding anniversary today and I wanted to give her a huge shout out!! She doesn't read this but I wanted to do it anyway.

So what did I do today?
In no particular order (because I don't want to think about the actual sequence of events of the day and because I was actually going to just skip today and go to sleep.)

I went to work. I said happy ann. to Charlie. I said Happy Belated b-day to Kim, my other best friend (the three of us call ourselves the power puff girls. details on that some other time). I went to the gym for an hour. I watched the last couple of episodes of Tru Blood. I watched the an episode of Ugly Betty that I missed. I went to choir practice. I took out the garbage. I watched the biggest loser.

Anyway, I'm super tired for some reason. Looks like this is a major fail when blogging is concerned. Sorry BEDA Buddies, I'll try harder tomorrow.

A cool discovery and work

While perusing through the blogs I follow, I happened upon an article about Pride and Prejudice being turned into a Marvel comic book. Here is the link for those of you who are interested. And here is a look at the Blog I was checking out. it's is called Jane Austen Today.

Alright, so my day today was interesting. I couldn't sleep last night because of my stomach, it must have been a culmination of anxiety and spicy food that did my belly in like last week. Last week I had anxiety about driving to Canada with my mom and last night I had anxiety about going back to work. Last week I had sushi with soy sauce and wasabi and last night I had spicy chicken wings and some spicy Haitian food.

So I got to work this morning like usual and I did the usual routine stuff: Bleach water, paper towels, turn on the lights. And the usual people started coming in with their kids. Some of them noticed that I was back, some didn't even know that I was gone. I was glad to see that the people that I am usually around were happy to see me back, not only because the day care was a nightmare without me, but because they genuinely missed me. One parent was so happy for me that I was able to get away for a little while because she noticed that I wasn't as cheerful as I usually am. And normally that is just fake cheerfulness. I didn't even have the energy to fake it.

People were happy to see me, they asked about my trip, they put in the effort to look concerned when I told them about my grandmother who isn't well and is losing her mind, but takes it all in stride and good humor.

I was going to go to the gym today but it was raining really hard and I kinda didn't want to go. I'm lazy like that and I had more episodes of Tru Blood to watch, though I had to pause it so that I can watch my favorite tv nerd Chuck. Zachary Levi is so cute!!!

HOME!!!

Yay, I'm home now! I drove in this morning and it took me about an hour to get to Easton from Newark. I actually like driving long distances now. It is a little relaxing, though it would be better if I didn't have someone in my ear telling me what to do.

So I got in and I went straight to my couch. I hooked up my laptop and started watching episodes of Tru Blood. It is a pretty interesting show about Vampires trying to be active citizens in the south. While I was waiting for the episodes to load, I was watching the "Where are they now" marathon on The tv guide network. It was pretty interesting, though it was all somehow related to Saved By the Bell.

I don't really have much to talk about today. I was just trying to enjoy my last day of freedom before I have to go to work in the morning. I almost forgot to do the blog today.

I went grocery shopping for the week and Beau (my car) is taking a break from being poked and prodded and used. Anyway, I'm tired and I should probably sleep now. Leave it to me to wait until the last minute to write.

Back in the States

Well I am back in the United States, if you couldn't tell by the title. Last night, Jo, Val and I went to Sky Spa and it was an interesting experience. It was a Hot/Cold kind of thing where we get into our bathing suits and go into a sauna. It was hot as hell and I could hardly breathe, but somehow I was relaxed. After the sauna was a steam room where it was as hot as the sauna but it was really foggy in the room. Then we dipped ourselves in the ice-cold pool for about 2 seconds and then went to the nice hot tub that was pool sized. That was the best part and I could have been in there all day. Oh, and the hot tub and ice-cold pool were on the roof so technically we were in our bathing suits outside.

So we did a couple of rounds of that and then we went into the really nice and quiet room that showedrandom peaceful things on the television like rain drops on a flower petal and the clouds moving over the fields. We read our books/fell asleep and then we went back for another round of Hot, Hot, Cold, Hot. It was a really great experience and I would not mind doing it again.

We got back to Jo's apartment and ate our KFC or PFK as it is called in Quebec. (Can you believe they don't serve the chicken with biscuits? My cousins looked at me like I was crazy. Val actually asked me what a biscuit was.)We watched This Christmas starring Delroy Lindo, Chris Brown (boo!), Idris Elba and Regina King. The movie was cute and silly, but I wouldn't go out of my way to see it again.

Well, Mom wanted to leave at 7 in the morning and I was not having that. I could hardly sleep last night; all I could think about was Oprah and Ashton Kutcher. Note: Never eat fried chicken right before you go to sleep.
So I got out of bed at 6:45 and I slowly got my things together, packed up my computer and tried to put some order in my hair because all of that heat and humidity mucked it up.

Tomorrow morning, I am going to drive back to Easton and hang out alone for my final day of vacation.

Eat your heart out, Maureen!

I would like to think that there is a chance that Maureen Johnson is jealous of me right now. My cousin Jo came home early from work yesterday and she wanted to do something. She looked online for different events that were happening in town and were cheap. We found a few things that were alright, but we weren't sure so we kept looking. Finally, Jo found "Abba Fever". When is it? April 16th. What time? 8pm. What time is it now? 7:15. Will we make it? I hope so.

So we are in town and the theater is right there, but there are NO parking spots anywhere. We circle the area several times. 8:10, finally, a spot. Jo needs to use the bathroom, of course. We get in the theater and we ask if it is too late to buy tickets. "for right now?" "Yes, now! Right now, right now!"

We missed the first two songs but the rest was amazing. I tried to sneak some pictures but Celine Dion's cousin caught me and told me to put it away. I wasn't using the flash, but even if I did, all those blinding lights on stage more than make up for 2 or 3 camera flashes.

Well, here is what I managed to get.

Update

I forgot to update you on the situation at my aunt's house with the "doing of the hair". Well, my aunt's hair is natural and really really short because it keeps falling out due to all of the chemicals that she put in her hair plus the genetic hair loss thing that happens to the women in our family. She is really jealous of my hair and how long it's gotten after I cut it really short (so short that someone called me sir).
Anyway, I had her wash her hair and I used some of my Pink Lotion (tm) to make it a bit softer. It took me almost 2 and a half hours to twist her hair (it's like braiding but with two strands instead of three). It looked nice although the hair in the very center of her head was a bit thin, but you can hardly tell. Of course while I was doing her hair she was falling asleep so it was kinda hard for me to do some twists straight, but I succeeded. My aunt is the type of person who can not keep her fingers out of her hair so she kept touching and rubbing and she was messing it up. I told her that she needs to just leave her head alone and let it grow.

Now the situation with my mother: The minute I walked into the house I was not able to be nice. I gave my grandma a kiss on each cheek, I gave my aunt a kiss on each cheek and i just said hey to my mom. Is that bad?

When I started doing my aunt Marie's hair, my mother constantly had something to say. "You're doing them too thick! You're doing them too thin! Let me help you!"

I would have accepted her help, but the way that she does it is very different than the way that I do it. It would be obvious that two people did her hair, plus, she would have been more in my way. It also would have been nice if she didn't offer to help when I was almost done.
My mom is a busy body and if things aren't done her way than it isn't right. I said to her, "Matante Marie specifically wanted ME to do her hair, not you." She looked at me funny. "Do YOU want to do it then?" "Yeah", she said. "Ok, fine" and I almost walked out. Of course my aunt managed to wake up at that point and ask me to come back. For the rest of the time, my mom was quiet and she had her hovering moments, but I got the job done and mom thought that it looked nice.

So, lesson of the day: When it comes to those nitpicky know-it-alls getting in your way, stand your ground and believe in yourself.

Furious

So I am so angry about yesterday. I had a wonderful full day to myself, or so I thought. I spent most of the day at Jo's apartment just lounging around and being comfortable. I did a little bit more cleaning up, I watched television, did a little exercise (for 10 minutes) and I was watching a couple of movies. My god mother stopped by and gave me some Canadian money so that I could shop around. She asked me if I wanted her to take me to someone's house so that I won't have to be alone and I told her that I like my privacy. I don't mind being alone sometimes. After she left, I watched Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns and Sex and the City. I was cooking some spaghetti for my cousin (with cheez whiz, just how she likes it)and just as Carrie and Maranda were having their Valentine's Day spat, the power went out.

I yelled out, "Oh Heeeeeeeeeellllllll Naaaww". I was so mad.

Now I'm thinking what should I do, her phone is hooked up to electricity as well as the phone jack. I figured, well I have my book, Libba Bray's A Great and Terrible Beauty, so I can just read until my cousin comes back.

suddenly, a phone rang. I thought to myself, "OH YEAAAAAHHHHH, Jo has that other really cool looking vintage phone.



That's a cool phone, right? it reminds me of this painting.
http://shano-studio.com/multitasker_redchair.html

So, it was my aunt Marie who wanted to see what I was doing and wanted to make sure that I was alright. I told her that the power went out and she was generally concerned for me. She offered to call Jo at work and all that for me. She put my mom on the phone and she just laughed. "That's what you get for staying all day at your cousin's doing nothing", she said.

I wanted to reach through the phone and smack her, but all I did was hang up the phone on her, mid laugh.

I called my cousin Valerie but she wasn't home; her mom was and she gave me Jo's number. I called Jo, no answer and I was like, "great".
Valerie called me while I was reading and she offered to take my to Marie's so I can have dinner and spend some time with Grandma.

I watched some good game shows like Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune and then there was a horrible one called "Hole in the Wall" or "Le Mur" as it is called here where people have to fit themselves in the most ridiculous positions that are carved in a wall that is slowly traveling toward you. If you fail, you fall in the pool.

http://dentedcans.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/holeinthewall_medium.jpg

I appreciate the Japanese and all that they have done with technology, but there are some things that should have stayed in the land of the rising sun.

Anyway, Valerie and I went to Jo's mom's apartment and we watched American Idol ( a show that i normally refuse to watch) and the beginning of CSI NY. Jo and I figured that we should go back to her apartment to make sure that the power came back, if not, then we would gather out stuff and sleep at her mom's or something. Luckily, the power did come back because I did not want to sleep in another car with the heat blasting in my eyes and Jo's smoking (which caused me to wake up with watery crusty eyes this morning and a sore throat)

T'is all. I will post again later on today to make up for missing yesterday.

Peaceful Day

So my cousin went to work early this morning so I had the apartment to myself. Her sink was filled with dishes so I decided to be a nice guest and wash them. Then I cleaned up a bit in the living room because we made a bit of a mess with the tea bags and packets of sugar and random mugs lying around. Then I hooked up my lap top and prayed for the internet to work (which, obviously) it did.

Aunt Marie called and desperately wants me to do her hair, so no I am waiting for Valerie to come back from school so that she cam come over and take me to Aunt Marie's. I'm sure that my mom will be there and she will have something to say about about either what I'm wearing, or my hair or something totally random because that is how mothers are.

(Val just called and said that she is on her way)

Anyway, I am going to try something that might freak my mother out; I'm going to be nice to her. I am going to take all of her criticism and thank her for it. I am going to smile at her every time that she tells me something that would normally make me feel inferior. I'm going to say, "Thank you mommy, you are absolutely right, give me a minute and I will get right on it."

I wonder who will go mad first, her or me?

I will keep you posted on how that goes.

Details

Alright, so saturday morning, we got up at 5 am, got ourselves ready and left at a quarter to 6. I wasn't feeling too well because of the bed sushi I had the night before. So we set out and mom drove for the first couple of hours and I drove for the second 2 hours. Mom drove the last hour, we refilled the tank and a few seconds later we were at the boarder. We were in line for 40 minutes and hten it took us another 40 to get to my aunt's house. We figured that if we didn't have to stay so long at the boarder and stop 3 times to pee, we would have made it in 5 hours.

I, of course, was still having stomach issues and I didn't feel like eating during the whole trip and when we finally got to my aunt's house, all I had was a banana. My cousin Joëlle came over and hung out a bit, we watched The Secret Life of Bees, but of course we couldn't hear anything because we were in a room full of haitians and we are a very loud race of people.

My cousin Jo showed me some very funny videos on youtube and I will share them with you.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqzF3YL8laM

and

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgxAPIfaSzc

normally I can't watch these shows for that specific reason, but they were too funny to pass up.

Well anyway, it turns out that I am much mroe tired than I thought I was. All I want to do is sleep or just lie down, but then I see my grand mother just sitting there in her wheel chair and her daughters have to help her into a harness thing to get her from her chair to her bed because she can't stand on her own anymore and she is too heavy to carry, and I feel weird. (was that a run on sentence? oh well)


I heard this song on the radion, but it was in french minus the mammy blue parts and it sound like Tay Zonday was singing it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rYR82XxKBI

I went to church on Sunday with Jo and then went to the aunt's again to find my "neice" there. She's really my cousin Valerie's neice but whatever, although Val says that she is Maëlye's (pronounced Miley)one and only aunt.

After church, we had a nice Easter feast and then we watched an African movie called "The Obsesses", oh lord that movie was horribly good. The story was interesting, but the acting and the film quality was terrible, which made you want to continue watching it.

Today will be just a nice peaceful day in and maybe a trip to the movie theater later. So far, it's a good vacation.

A demain!

Day 2 of Vacation

Today was awesome. I went to church with my cousin, fell asleep through that, ate an early dinner with the family and then watched an african movie that was so ridiculous. Now I'm at my cousin's apartment watching the news and relaxing. Gotta keep itshort today because it's almost midnight and I'm kinda pushing it.

Have a good night all.

Yay

Part three was a success athough there was a bit of an issue with my stomach an the bad sushi that I ate. Anyway, it is nice to be here around my family. I'm glad that I am here. I have to go now, hopefully a longer and better post tomorrow.

I'm in Newark, NJ

Well, right now I am in Newark, NJ. Why you, may ask? Because this is where my parents live. I drove here from Easton (for the first time ever) and I made it safely. That was part one of my vacation. Part two starts in aobut half an hour when I go to hang out with my college friend, Mollie. I haven't seen her since Thanksgiving so we are just going to hang out in South Orange for a little bit and have some sushi, since it is Friday and I can't eat meat.

Part Three of the Vacation starts tomorrow morning at 6 am, where my mother and I will be taking turns driving to Montreal, Canada. I am so excited to see my Grandmother and my aunts, uncles and cousins. I haven't seen them in a long time. I'm keeping this short because I'm going to S.O in a few minutes and I look a hot ghetto mess. I just wanted to keep you all posted.

A huge shout out to Shano on blogger and Summer on the Ning for reading my blogs. Thanks for the comments. I really appreciate it.

Tomorrow's blog might come a little late due to all of the traveling that I am going to be doing.

UGH! with a capital YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!

So much to do before I go. I have to finish this blog, pack, wash the dishes, print out directions, go to work, go to the bank, get sandwiches from subway, drive to Jersey, maybe hang out with my college friend, sleep and the drive for a long time.

I don't like this, I don't like this, I don't like this!

My head is still a little spinny and my stomach is achey. I'm getting sick of everyone asking me to do stuff for them and never letting me feel comfortable asking them for something.

I need to figure out a way to write my blogs while I am away.

Courtnee has my Tyler Perry DVD and she won't give it back, just like my hip hop abs dvd that I lent her about a year ago. She probably lost it and won't admit it. Sometimes I just don't want to do stuff for people and I do it anyway because I'm nice.

Alright, I'm keeping this short because there is too much to do and I am drawing a blank on what else to write.

NO topic, alcohol, wills

I don't really have anything to talk about today. I'm still excited about my vacation from work. I'm glad I get to be away from those monkeys for a whole week. Please, Lord, let that be the slowest week ever!!!

So, here is today's experiment. Since I don't really have anything to talk about today, I decided to have a couple of drinks and see what the silliness brings me. (imagine all of the typos)

Right now I am watching an episode of Will and Grace and it is hilarious. Of course. I wish that my best gay friend lived with me so that he could be Will to my Grace or Jack to my Karen when I'm intoxicated, haha. Well right now they are talking about writing a will and I was wondering what sort of stuff I would have in mine.
Of course I would leave whatever moeny I have to to my living relatives, depending on how much moeny I have. (haha, I just took a sip of my sour apple martini and I almost choked. I totally pwned death) Awe, Will and GRace is over, sad :(

So anyway (ooh today's episode of One life to live is on Soaptv or whatever the channel is called) All the money that I have will go to my children and husband, ( If I have those) or to my brothers and sister. All of my belongings are to be sold ( or auctioned if I'm rich and famous) and the proceeds will go to Haiti and a charity for Down Syndrome. I forget what it's called but that mean doctor in Scrubs is a part of it. Of course I'm an organ donor so those will be harvested and then my body will be given up for science.
At my funderal, I want every one to wear a shade of purple that touches them, and they will watch a video of my playing Elphaba in a Broadway production of Wicked, where Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth are sitting in the front row giving me a standing ovation, naturally. In the church service, they will, of course, sing For Good, the song where best friends Elphaba and Glinda (formerly Galinda) part ways.

(Soap Operas are funny)

Whatever properties I own, will be turned into homeless shelters where no one will be denied a place to sleep and food will be plentiful.

(uh oh, glass is empty, better refill)

(darn my English major ways and my need to go back and edit. My typos were supposed to be funny)

(Why does that dude sound like he came fresh off of the boat from Mexico? ) sorry, random commenting on soap opera.

Ok, new glass of sour apple martini (3rd one, plus a glass and a 3rd of arbor mist and a glass of cranberry and vodka. wow, that's a lot. still coherent though)

If Haiti is fine by the time I die and I live longer than my siblings, then whatever I have will go to a scholarship fund for innercity kids who need help paying for college. That is how I got my start and so I need to continue that tradition. Althought it wasn't for college, it was for high school. I went to boarding school in PA called The Hill School www.thehill.org check it out, it's pretty cool in retrospect. haha.

You know what, I'm kinda tired now. I think I'm going to stop. I've lost the feeling in my jaw and Beyonce's Single lady's is playing so i gotta dance even though i don't like her. ok, bye.

Vacation/Drama/OMG

I almost forgot that I had to write a blog today. I was about to take a nap and let the night pass by. I am just so looking forward to my vacation on Saturday that I forget about what is in the middle. I still need to get through tomorrow, Thursday and Friday before I can deal with the excitement that is Saturday.

What is on the Agenda for the rest of the week:
Tonight- Finish this blog and get a good night's rest.
Wednesday- Work, Gym, blog, pack, print out some forms for my dad, and get a good night's rest.
Thursday- Work, Gym, Blog, print out directions to Newark, pack some more, sleep
Friday- Work (out at 1), Drive to Newark, Blog, Hang out with Mollie or something, sleep.
Saturday- Wake up early, Drive to Montreal Canada and have fun all week!!!

So my cousin, Joelle, told me to bring clubbing clothes and a bathing suit for the spa. She's taking me to the spa!!! Woohoo, I've never been to the spa before. I hope we actually do go because I am really looking forward to it and I need this vacation. I've been working with no vacation since July 2007; I am tired and frustrated and I need something good right now. I am certain that there will be times when I just want to smack someone, but right now, I don't want to think about that. I just need to get through this week and I will be gone.

Now with this vacation comes drama. Since I am the first one to get to work, that means I have the key to the place. The people that come in 15 minutes after me do not have a key, but when I am gone they are going to be the first ones to get there, which means that they are going to need a key. Problem- Boss lady does not trust them with a key (they are a young couple with two very young kids who will be the first kids there so technically they are going to need to watch their kids while prepping the center for opening). I don't think they can do it and neither does boss lady. If it was any other young couple with very young kids, I wouldn't mind, but since it is who it is, I am all frightful. Normally they have issues getting in to work on time so I don't think they would be able to get to work 15 minutes earlier than they are used to.

But you know what?

That is not my problem! Take my key, see you next week!


Now here is a little something that annoys the hell out of me. My friend Courtnee used to live near by but since she became ill, she had to live with her aunt in NY to be closer to the good doctors. She comes back to visit every once in a while, which is great because she is the only true friend that I have out here. Now, I love her to death, but she picked up this habit that annoys the Sugar Honey Iced Tea out of me. She says "OMG" all of the time. Her mom finds it annoying, her grandma finds it annoying and I find it terribly annoying. I know that it is just one of those things that you do when you move to another area and you become accustomed to the things that they say and do, but really? OMG? Why that saying? Why not just say "oh my god/gosh/ goodness"? It takes the same amount of energy and time to say.

Well, I think that is all for today, check ya later!.

Does anyone else feel hot?

Have you ever felt so angry and scared and broken that you felt like your body was going to burst? You want to cry and scream and hit something, but you have so much self control that all you can do is shiver. You feel the urge but you don't do anything about it even though you are alone and there is no one there to look at you funny or judge. You want to voice every expletive you know in every language that you know, but all you allow yourself to say is "darn".

I should have gone to the gym today to let all of this energy out. I can feel the electricity in my fingertips and it seems that typing is good for me right now.

So you are wondering why I'm feeling the way I am, well if you've read my past blogs, you would know a little bit of why. I'm pissed about my romantic situation. Now add intellectual frustration along with feelings of insignificance and the lack of a support system.

Intellectual frustration because I work with children all day and I can call myself a teacher all I want but all I really do is deal with screaming babies, change diapers and try hard to keep them from throwing up on me. I'm a glorified babysitter with no benefits and no glory. I have to do whatever it takes to keep those babies safe and healthy but I have no insurance so if something happens to me, I'm screwed.

Upside: At least I have a job. There are a lot of people out there who don't have jobs and have so much hope in their hearts and get disappointed everyday.

Feelings of insignificance because I'm at this job where I have the most education and I'm just an assistant. I keep finding guys who don't think I worth sticking around for. My work friends aren't my real friends; they have their interesting outings and don't bother to invite me. I have all of these ideas in my head and no one around to listen. (I have this blog and no one reads it unless it's on the Ning).

Upside: At least I have a working computer, a roof over my head, people to talk to at work and Nerdfighters who like to show support. (Thanks!!!)

Lack of support system because my parents aren't around and they don't understand any of this because they are busy telling me stories about how they lived when they were still in Haiti and had to help support their many brothers and sisters. They have no sympathy for me and they refuse to try. My sister lives on the other side of the country and is almost done working on her PhD, so obviously, she is too busy for me. My older brother would be supportive if he didn't live in Florida with his new family.

Upside: At least I have a family. There are lots of people walking around here who are completely alone.

Any way, I know that something good with happen to me soon because I'm really close to hitting rock bottom and that is generally when something good comes around to pick you back up. Maybe it will be my trip to Montreal next week. I get to see my grandmother and my aunts, uncles and cousins. I've been looking forward to this for a while and I haven't seen them or been out of this country in over a year. I finally get a vacation from this silly country and the crazy people who drive me insane everyday. I just hope my aunts don't get all "you should improve yourself by doing this and this and this and this". I am so tired of that and I would rather not hear it.

Ok, I think I'm done for today. Enough of the pity party, though tomorrow might be the same way. I hope you don't mind. I apologize in advance.

Done with the man (warning, Rated R-ish)

So yesterday, my friend Courtnee and I hung out for a little bit and we went shopping for some stuff. She needed to get some special shaving cream so we ended up going to a *gasp* Sex store called Condoms Galore. I was so scared and embarrassed to go in there. I was thinking, "Lord, I hope no one sees me go in there, please, Lord please."

So I'm in there and I figure, why not get a box of condoms. I'm seeing someone and it has gotten to that level, so why the heck not. Now I see the selection of condoms there and I have no idea what the heck I'm supposed to get, so I ask Court (who is 5 yrs younger that I am) and she chooses Trojan ribbed for her pleasure. That was my first ever condom buying experience.

So while I'm there, I look around to see what else they have. So there's the ususal "toys" and I'm thinking, "Hmm, I think I want one. Since I'm here, I might as well go all out." So whatever "toy I get, it has to be purple because that is my favorite color and if I am going to get something that is going to be my new virtual best friend, it has to be my favorite color. What did I end up getting you ask? I got a rabbit. If you know what that is, mmhmm! If you don't then don't worry about it. What made it funny was that there was an Easter sale on all rabbits, HAHAHA 25% off of all rabbits.

So we go to the mall afterwards and while we are there, the guy I'm seeing calls and says that he wants to "hang out". I shorten my time with my friend and I go home to prep. Well I'm not the neatest person in the world, but I'm not ridiculously messy either. I had a few dishes in the sink and my bedroom floor had some clothes on it so I had to tidy up a bit.

Anyway, not much happened, but he confirmed that he was moving away and I got a little sad. Get this, he didn't understand why I was feeling sad. Men! So today was my last day of seeing him (his is currently driving to Pittsburgh) and I wanted us to share a proper "goodbye". Now he's gone and I am so happy I got my rabbit (I think I'll call it Morgan). I'll never see him again, or maybe even talk to him again.

Hmm, look at that, I'm over it. HAHA!